Why do women find cheating romantic?

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Ragtime
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02 Mar 2009, 1:33 pm

I'm speaking of when they do it, of course -- not when it's done to them.
Okay, here's the story...
I'm married. Got the big wedding band right there on my finger for all to see. Yet, I have two (2) women whom I regularly see at work who will have an affair with me if I'm willing -- and each of them has a man already!!
(Trust me, they've each made it abundantly, abundantly clear about the offer. We're not talking discreet here.)

Both ladies are white country girls, with a touch of redneck at least. (They're okay-looking, but my wife is way prettier.)
But I'm saying... These women look at me with romance in their eyes -- romance which is ostensibly about hurting their men by being with other men behind their backs! Now, I can tell you that both of these women don't love their men (yet they stay with them). They each disparage their respective men in public, and it's not with any mirth or humor. One of the ladies has been cheated on by her man. The other, I don't know her as well, so I'll just assume he hasn't cheated on her.

But anyway, forget about at least one of them trying to "even the score" against their have-cheated partners -- WHY DO THESE LADIES DISREGARD THE FACT THAT I AM MARRIED?
Why would they want me to hurt my wife the same way they have been hurt -- by cheating?

Ladies... what gives?? Why don't they at least pick a single guy if they're going to cheat?



j5689
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02 Mar 2009, 1:37 pm

They probably don't see it as a big deal. Has cheating really become this mainstream though? If so, then how utterly sickening it is.



Ragtime
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02 Mar 2009, 1:43 pm

j5689 wrote:
Has cheating really become this mainstream though?


Uh, YA...

Spousal cheating is absolutely rampant everywhere you go, even in religious circles, to say nothing of mere boyfriend or girlfriend cheating.

I mean, at your wedding, you literally and officially say before God, government, and your guests (who represent society at large) that you will never, ever, ever cheat on your spouse, period. Then, spouses go and do it. :roll: I mean, there is no room for doubt there: THEY MESSED UP!



Last edited by Ragtime on 02 Mar 2009, 1:48 pm, edited 5 times in total.

makuranososhi
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02 Mar 2009, 1:44 pm

One need only look at this site to see how affair and adultery have become acceptable and a part of society for many people.


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02 Mar 2009, 1:46 pm

Is it completely wrong that I feel like murdering these ignorant people?



Hector
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02 Mar 2009, 1:47 pm

I wouldn't say they would necessarily find cheating romantic in and of itself.



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02 Mar 2009, 1:48 pm

For someone to be able to get what they are not supposed to have give them a sense of power. Also, if something is a thrill, it's even more of a thrill if you have to hide it, because of the risk (risk is why gambling is exciting). Romance and sex is a thrill. So if a married woman cheats or tries to get a man to cheat on his wife, it gives her the thrill of forbidden fruit, and the thrill of power; if a woman can have sexual influence over a man to the degree that he cheats on his wife, she must be really powerful, in her mind. It's really pretty selfish. It's not only men that lust after women or try to control them---women just do it in less obvious ways. A husband having an affair because his wife just aint attractive anymore or he's bored, makes him seem like a jerk. But a woman's lust is more about romance and ideal love, so when she talks about her lust, it's alot easier to justify it because it sounds romantic and noble.



ToadOfSteel
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02 Mar 2009, 2:20 pm

The sad thing is, homosexuals that are married (in the three states that allow it) have less cheating and divorce than the heterosexual crowd...

And people say that homosexuality is the thing destroying the sanctity of marriage... ha...



mitharatowen
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02 Mar 2009, 2:25 pm

Haven't you ever seen a chick flick? It's always about how the girl or guy (or both!) is with someone that's totally wrong for them and they end up finding eachother.. and are perfect together *bats eyelashes*


:roll:



Aspie_Chav
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02 Mar 2009, 2:30 pm

There is a scientific explanation to this, but i don't have the time.



t0
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02 Mar 2009, 2:34 pm

This is really horrible - took a look at the web link above, and while I'm not really surprised, it's pretty saddening to see that society is at this point.

In response to the title, I don't think women find cheating romantic. They want romance, and if it takes cheating to get it, maybe it's worthwhile to them.

I don't think they really care about the guys they are with. It's "me first" behavior. This may be a reason for the generational increase in cheating behavior. I seem to recall an article describing how many kids of the 70s and 80s were taught by their parents that they "deserve everything" with little or no thought as to the consequences of the actions required to "get everything".



Ragtime
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02 Mar 2009, 2:38 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
The sad thing is, homosexuals that are married (in the three states that allow it) have less cheating and divorce than the heterosexual crowd...


I don't see how the number of affairs could be estimated. The whole point of most affairs is that they are to be kept as secret from everyone as they possibly can be, so that the participants don't get caught. It's not like everyone who cheated would say they did when asked!



Last edited by Ragtime on 02 Mar 2009, 2:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.

irishwhistle
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02 Mar 2009, 2:39 pm

Quote:
Haven't you ever seen a chick flick? It's always about how the girl or guy (or both!) is with someone that's totally wrong for them and they end up finding eachother.. and are perfect together *bats eyelashes*


It's a very ugly mentality. It suggests that such a person will always be searching for their perfect match and never trying to make the most of the very good match they already have. Even when what you have seemed like perfection and true love at the start, it's destined to become toilet flushings if you don't expect some bad times and have the commitment to be patient and wait for the next time it flames up. We've been married 15 years with no intention of stopping, and in my experience, a lot of things come along that make it not perfect, and still the fires smolder and wait, as long as we never consider things like boredom reasons for divorce (or cheating). Boredom you can fix. Always.

So not all women consider it romantic. If I were to so much as develop an attraction for another man (ugh), it would make me sick. I'd run from it. And him. Promise. That probably makes me unusual these days. But some things are too important to mess around with.


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mitharatowen
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02 Mar 2009, 2:42 pm

irishwhistle wrote:
It's a very ugly mentality. It suggests that such a person will always be searching for their perfect match and never trying to make the most of the very good match they already have.

Exactly. I have even known boys who subscribe to this mentality. My ex is one. He never lasts longer than 6 months with a girl because he panics and starts thinking about how there might be someone out there 'better' than his current girl and he doesn't want to settle for less than his 'soulmate'

I am not one to talk because I have frequently wondered if I might be able to find a guy that is better for me than my husband. I've always been someone who beleives that you can work out any problems you may have. But I've discovered sometimes there's only so much you can do.



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02 Mar 2009, 3:28 pm

and that is why i believe in open relationships, transparency and honesty.

some people get right off on secrecy and clandestine crap. playing up on the wife or husband, giving themselves a bit of a thrill. makig themselves feel empowered in this way. it's a funny way to live if you ask me. kind of trash-tragic.

i don't have any interest in that.
i do however like the idea of open relationships where you can love someone AND go and f**k someone else and there is the ability to discuss it - not the details but the situation. it is actually happening in my household at present. with no hiding in bushes.

it's a good thing.
takes a bit of work. but better than the sleazy alternative.



Alla
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02 Mar 2009, 3:46 pm

Well, what sickens me is the fact that so many people, men and women, are in relationships just for the hell of it. I know so many people who are with someone, break up in a few months and within days have found someone else, only to break up with the new person and find someone new again. I think the problem is that people do not consider their choices and are willing to settle for almost anything in order to be seen as "normal". NTs are especially prone to this herd mentality.

I've had so many propositiong, by both men and women (!) Had I followed them, I would have slept with hundreds of people by now. Why have I not done this? Because I can tell who will ultimately be good for me or not, and on many levels (sexual, emotional, social, etc.) I am not one to be with someone just because I think he is sexually attractive. As a woman in her mid 20s, I also know that in general, the men who are willing to settle down are usually over the age of 38. There was a reason why in the old days women used to marry men with several years of age difference between them. I am not saying that this is the ONLY right thing to do (there are exceptions to every rule), but in general it would be odd for a woman in her 20s to expect commitment from a man in his 20s or even early 30s.

To get back to your topic, most of the friends I know do not love their partners and are wil them just so they could be in a relationship. For them, being with someone mediocre is better than being with no one at all. If I made the decision to be with someone who I liked, say, 50%, sure I would cheat. If anyone who I likes more that 50% came along and showed the slightest interest, I would cheat. However, I am smart enough to not get involved with someone I like only 50%......it is that simple.