Manic E-mailing

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In the past I have had problems with sending e-mails to the most important people in my life while I was manic. I would send bizarre, pointless, worrisome and wasteful emails to professors, mentors and people I hardly know but are leaders in my field of interest. As much as it's a problem for them, it's a huge problem for me because I can never take those e-mails back and I end up being so embarrassed about them that I never contact the people I sent the emails to again. Even if I did contact them I'm sure they wouldn't want to hear from me anymore. My current attitude towards all this is the reason I sent those emails is due to fate. Although the people I sent them to were very important to me that fact is that I sent them. The main problem with this is when ever I send e-mails to new important mentors in my life, I always know there's this possibility that I will end up embarrassing myself and ruining the connection. I guess I'll just have to keep my view on this. If have written bad emails it was because I was supposed to. It's done, it's out of the way and now in this new direction I can take this information about my weaknesses and decide to delete an email before I send it.

ah yes...i can relate to this.
email monologues from the AS one.....i am renowned for them and end up feeling worried, embarrassed and sad that i do not know moderation the way others do.

be kind to yourself. and do not judge your self too harshly.

This is an embarrassing problem for me too. Now what I do is send emails to myself.
There is something about writing letters or emails that makes me feel like I surmounted the issue of the letter. Pressing send just feels good. It's almost as if something has been accomplished.

I used to be a letter writer and I'd stash away loads of letters which got me in trouble because my parents would find them and read them. Back then I didn't send them because putting a stamp on it and sending it to a mail box gave me time to re think it. However, emails can be sent as quickly as my impulsive writing takes place. Hopefully I won't die before I delete all my sent emails to myself. If you saw them I'm sure they would make your emails look normal. You might have a slight case of hypergraphia maybe?
I'm pretty sure I do.

i end up sending really long weird and sometimes depressing ones, its usually to friends even if i havent seen them for a long time, i regret it afterwards too. i tend not to write emails all that much anymore, most of its on my blog which i just put under private, that way i feel like people are reading it when in reality im the only one really getting to.
its something about writing everything, absolutly everything down for me... i worry it might be a bit of an obsessive thing for me sometimes too, but yeah it does help to work stress, frustration etc. out.

That sounds unfair, they can't tell you off for saying things that you hadn't actually intended people to hear, when they were snooping through your things!

I write a lot of stuff in my diary. If those mentioned in its pages feel the compulsion to read my things, I feel they have no right to get pissed off at me about anything I may have said about them. I had to laugh this one time at school, I'd been writing my diary at lunch (I used to write at school cos I got bored otherwise) and people kept trying to read it over my shoulder, and they saw a line which went something like, "Jenny (my ex-best friend) is not speaking to me again. She appear to be working to the assumption that I care." Then people started having a go at me for "bitching about her". I was like, "Dude, it's my diary, it's not like I skywrote it!"

Thanks GhettoPrincess, it really is an invasion of privacy to read someone's diary. I used to write in a journal in school too at school. The teachers took my notebook away a few times and I got into some serious trouble for writing about sex and mushrooms one time. It really wasn't fair. While everyone was talking, I was just writing and then it got snatched away by the nosy teacher. Despite all the trouble diary keeping got me into, I still had to do it. It made me feel so much better to write it down. It's a way to clear my head and validate what I was feeling.