Best (best) ways you've gotten back at someone.

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cosmiccat
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08 Mar 2009, 10:02 am

Quoting ephemerella:

Quote:
.....I'm helpless against social aggression.


That doesn't sound like the story of someone who is helpless against social aggression. Pretty much the opposite. Wow!



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08 Mar 2009, 11:26 am

The main bully in my year got expelled two years ago because of an incident that involved me, so that's like revenge for me 8)


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alba
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08 Mar 2009, 11:46 am

WanderMan wrote:
Disclaimer 1:
I am certainly NOT a paragon of enlightenment. I am depressed and lonely, so I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice on social skills.

Disclaimer 2: I haven't read the "cruelest rejection thread" you mentioned.

But having said that, I read your post and I can't help but wonder if maybe focusing on getting back at people is counterproductive?

About a year ago, I noticed that I was very adversarial. I CRAVED enemies, I wanted to fight with people and "win." When someone did something cruel or thoughtless too me, I got very angry. This was especially true with women.

But after the advice and urging of some of my friends, when I felt someone was mean to me, I instead tried to "diffuse" the situation. The ultimate success in a negative situation, is to dissipate the negative energy and have everyone get along.

The ultimate success in other words, is not to take revenge on our enemies. Instead it is to have no enemies at all (or very few), to be the kind of person who spreads happiness and is thus like by most people as a result.




This is always my first line of defense and it works well for me. Killing with kindness not only prevents most people becoming your enemies....but it will also defuse an enemy from becoming a worse enemy or bully. Usually. Not always. So when you've done your best to send them good energy, and when your boundaries are clearly drawn ...and they continually overstep those boundaries...what do you do?

[For me, becoming someone's doormat--or the group scapegoat--isn't an option. I will only tolerate it while making other arrangements to get my life on track. If your mental or physical health, or safety, are in jeopardy...the window of opportunity to find an acceptable solution is roughly 6 weeks, or perhaps much less. And if you have helpful family or close friends, they should be notified of the problem in the event you need their help.]

You must tell the transgressor in no uncertain terms--to get out of your life--if that is possible; that you choose to have no further involvement with them. Where this is not feasible, you have an imminent crisis. If it is a work situation and your supervisor is unable or unwilling to help, I don't see you have much choice except to look for another job [unless you prefer being a doormat/scapegoat]...If you feel your life or well-being is threatened, you can go to the police...but that tactic might work better once you've already solved the problem by finding another job...Make a statement to the police this person made you continually fearful for your safety, and that the reason you didn't request a restraining order is because they are a co-worker [with daily access to you] and you feared they would find a way to physically harm you or threaten to make your life more miserable in retaliation.

Good thread.



ephemerella
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08 Mar 2009, 1:26 pm

cosmiccat wrote:
Quoting ephemerella:
Quote:
.....I'm helpless against social aggression.


That doesn't sound like the story of someone who is helpless against social aggression. Pretty much the opposite. Wow!


Mutually assured destruction is not winning. And its not a good way to get ahead. If I were able to deal with the social aggression of manipulative abusers constructively, I would. Blowing up the playground when a sexual predator is engaging in personal abuse crimps the abuser's games. But it also kills the kids.

I'd much rather be able to defuse, avoid, shut down or block these sexual predators (male and female) before it gets to an open confrontation or failure stage. But that takes actual social skills I don't have.



ephemerella
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08 Mar 2009, 1:30 pm

alba wrote:
WanderMan wrote:
Disclaimer 1:
I am certainly NOT a paragon of enlightenment. I am depressed and lonely, so I'm probably the last person who should be giving advice on social skills.

Disclaimer 2: I haven't read the "cruelest rejection thread" you mentioned.

But having said that, I read your post and I can't help but wonder if maybe focusing on getting back at people is counterproductive?

About a year ago, I noticed that I was very adversarial. I CRAVED enemies, I wanted to fight with people and "win." When someone did something cruel or thoughtless too me, I got very angry. This was especially true with women.

But after the advice and urging of some of my friends, when I felt someone was mean to me, I instead tried to "diffuse" the situation. The ultimate success in a negative situation, is to dissipate the negative energy and have everyone get along.

The ultimate success in other words, is not to take revenge on our enemies. Instead it is to have no enemies at all (or very few), to be the kind of person who spreads happiness and is thus like by most people as a result.




This is always my first line of defense and it works well for me. Killing with kindness not only prevents most people becoming your enemies....but it will also defuse an enemy from becoming a worse enemy or bully. Usually. Not always. So when you've done your best to send them good energy, and when your boundaries are clearly drawn ...and they continually overstep those boundaries...what do you do?

[b][For me, becoming someone's doormat--or the group scapegoat--isn't an option. I will only tolerate it while making other arrangements to get my life on track. If your mental or physical health, or safety, are in jeopardy...the window of opportunity to find an acceptable solution is roughly 6 weeks, or perhaps much less. And if you have helpful family or close friends, they should be notified of the problem in the event you need their help.][b]

You must tell the transgressor in no uncertain terms--to get out of your life--if that is possible; that you choose to have no further involvement with them. Where this is not feasible, you have an imminent crisis. If it is a work situation and your supervisor is unable or unwilling to help, I don't see you have much choice except to look for another job [unless you prefer being a doormat/scapegoat]...If you feel your life or well-being is threatened, you can go to the police...but that tactic might work better once you've already solved the problem by finding another job...Make a statement to the police this person made you continually fearful for your safety, and that the reason you didn't request a restraining order is because they are a co-worker [with daily access to you] and you feared they would find a way to physically harm you or threaten to make your life more miserable in retaliation.

Good thread.


More great advice... Your advice is not only insightful and success-oriented, but it's very concrete, intelligent and specific.

There are so many smart people on this site, freely posting valuable insights and help to share with others! I should have come back sooner.



TallyMan
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08 Mar 2009, 2:18 pm

A number of years ago when spammers were less secretive, I received a regular spam from someone selling holiday apartments. One day I decided enough was enough. The spam emails had a link to his website. On his website was the guys full name, phone number, fax number, business address and other useful information. The fun followed. I did all of the following via the internet:

1. I arranged for at least twenty different representatives to phone him about various random products.
2. I arranged for a delivery of a ton of fresh bananas to be delivered to his office.
3. In case he had nowhere to put the bananas I booked him a large container at the docks.
4. I thought he may want to take a break after the above, so I arranged a hire car to be delivered to his business address for him to go on a long trip and a motel room for his destination.
5. Arranged another hire car from another hire car firm for his return journey.
6. Signed his personal email address up to as many porn sites as I could find.
7. Finally I booked him into a hospital to have his enlarged testicle examined.

The poor guy had no idea it was me who set him up. Strangely the spam stopped. So he must have stopped spamming everyone not just me and decided spamming was a bad idea.

I hope the guy doesn't read WP 8O


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cosmiccat
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08 Mar 2009, 2:37 pm

Quoting Wonderman:

Quote:
The ultimate success in other words, is not to take revenge on our enemies. Instead it is to have no enemies at all (or very few), to be the kind of person who spreads happiness and is thus like by most people as a result.

Sounds like excellent advice.

Quoting Alba:
Quote:
[b][For me, becoming someone's doormat--or the group scapegoat--isn't an option. I will only tolerate it while making other arrangements to get my life on track. If your mental or physical health, or safety, are in jeopardy...the window of opportunity to find an acceptable solution is roughly 6 weeks, or perhaps much less. And if you have helpful family or close friends, they should be notified of the problem in the event you need their help.][b]


I agree. Becoming a doormat or scapegoat should not be an option, but then, whoever consciously opts for such a position?

But, I don't understand. Why is the "window of opportunity" 6 weeks (or less)? Is this a fact in a handbook or manual? I've never heard of it before.

Quote:
If you feel your life or well-being is threatened, you can go to the police...but that tactic might work better once you've already solved the problem by finding another job...Make a statement to the police this person made you continually fearful for your safety, and that the reason you didn't request a restraining order is because they are a co-worker [with daily access to you] and you feared they would find a way to physically harm you or threaten to make your life more miserable in retaliation.


I don't know. I think if I felt my life or well-being was threatened, I wouldn't wait around until I found a new job to report it. I would go to the police immediately. Finding a new job wouldn't necessarily solve the problem if someone was psycho enough to threaten your life or well being they would probably be so out of touch with reality that they wouldn't rest until they tracked you down. Once your dead, they can't make your life anymore miserable than that.


Regarding Ephemerella's narrative of 12:07 am:
Wow, I must be incredibly naive. I never realized that university life could be so sordid. The atmosphere you describe sounds more like a bordello than a university. I also didn't know that a sociopath/psycho could just hang around a university with no credentials or ID, for years yet, creating all kinds of havoc and ducking under the radar of Security. Very scary stuff.



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08 Mar 2009, 2:39 pm

:lmao: TallyMan


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cosmiccat
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08 Mar 2009, 2:44 pm

TallyMan wrote:
A number of years ago when spammers were less secretive, I received a regular spam from someone selling holiday apartments. One day I decided enough was enough. The spam emails had a link to his website. On his website was the guys full name, phone number, fax number, business address and other useful information. The fun followed. I did all of the following via the internet:

1. I arranged for at least twenty different representatives to phone him about various random products.
2. I arranged for a delivery of a ton of fresh bananas to be delivered to his office.
3. In case he had nowhere to put the bananas I booked him a large container at the docks.
4. I thought he may want to take a break after the above, so I arranged a hire car to be delivered to his business address for him to go on a long trip and a motel room for his destination.
5. Arranged another hire car from another hire car firm for his return journey.
6. Signed his personal email address up to as many porn sites as I could find.
7. Finally I booked him into a hospital to have his enlarged testicle examined.

The poor guy had no idea it was me who set him up. Strangely the spam stopped. So he must have stopped spamming everyone not just me and decided spamming was a bad idea.

I hope the guy doesn't read WP 8O


Surely you jest.



robo37
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08 Mar 2009, 2:52 pm

I remember once, in school, some basted started to throw grapes at me, so I picked up the grape, walked over to the table, and squashed it against his forehead. :lol:



TallyMan
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08 Mar 2009, 3:41 pm

cosmiccat wrote:
TallyMan wrote:
A number of years ago when spammers were less secretive, I received a regular spam from someone selling holiday apartments. One day I decided enough was enough. The spam emails had a link to his website. On his website was the guys full name, phone number, fax number, business address and other useful information. The fun followed. I did all of the following via the internet:

1. I arranged for at least twenty different representatives to phone him about various random products.
2. I arranged for a delivery of a ton of fresh bananas to be delivered to his office.
3. In case he had nowhere to put the bananas I booked him a large container at the docks.
4. I thought he may want to take a break after the above, so I arranged a hire car to be delivered to his business address for him to go on a long trip and a motel room for his destination.
5. Arranged another hire car from another hire car firm for his return journey.
6. Signed his personal email address up to as many porn sites as I could find.
7. Finally I booked him into a hospital to have his enlarged testicle examined.

The poor guy had no idea it was me who set him up. Strangely the spam stopped. So he must have stopped spamming everyone not just me and decided spamming was a bad idea.

I hope the guy doesn't read WP 8O


Surely you jest.


Nope. Completely true. I don't tend to do things by half.


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cosmiccat
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08 Mar 2009, 3:52 pm

Quoting Talleyman:

Quote:
Nope. Completely true. I don't tend to do things by half.


I should say not. But what a waste of bananas. :lol:



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08 Mar 2009, 4:21 pm

I am truly enjoying these stories. I guess that when you mess with an Aspie, if revenge is sought, it will be thorough and complete, because we are so good with details. :twisted:


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cosmiccat
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08 Mar 2009, 4:31 pm

Hey, Hartz.

:sunny:



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08 Mar 2009, 5:19 pm

And we're creative.


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08 Mar 2009, 6:04 pm

Fnord wrote:
One of the bet ways is to simply outlive someone. Then you can re-tell their history entirely from your point of view without any risk of contradiction.


Holy crap, this is the HOLY GRAIL of advice! I love it. :lol: :lol: