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ScottF
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13 Mar 2009, 10:52 pm

I have a hard time standing up for myself. Even when I am right, I just cannot do it. About 4 years ago, I had come home from work, and my radio was a bit too loud, and my convertible top was down. It was about 4pm. She comes over and starts yelling at me that if I ever have my radio too loud she will take the keys from me and I would not get them back. For some reason I did not say anything and actually apologized. I could have told her "if you ever did that, I would have your wrinkly old ass in jail so fast your head would swim". She was actually in my yard on my driveway. I don't know why I cannot stand up for myself...


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One day you dumb, brainy smarties will look upon us and beg for mercy...and we will consider it. -Peter Griffin


Learning2Survive
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13 Mar 2009, 11:06 pm

dude, it is GOOD to be careful and cautious and not jump into arguments, especially when you are an aspie and not in control of social situations. in fact, you may have some conflict resolution/negotiation skills that is a common aspie weakness.

assertiveness means

1) saying what you need
2) demanding it
3) not offending the other person

it is very difficult for aspies



Tahitiii
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14 Mar 2009, 12:58 am

I never did figure out how to deal with hostile people. I will never master the quick come-back or be able to put people in their place. The best I can do is walk away when someone is being a jerk. That doesn't solve anything, but at least it doesn't escalate for a while.

First question: "Did I actually do something wrong?" Sometimes. If I haven't done anything wrong, I'll just skip the apology and walk. If I made a dumb little mistake, I don't mind apologizing. Once or twice. If the person misses it because he was too busy yelling, that's his problem.

Second question: "Is it out of proportion?" Usually. Some people just like drama.

Third question: "Is it just another stupid power game?" Probably. Some people have an insatiable need to push others around and will never be happy. The more they feed, the hungrier they get. They have no concept of respect or equality, and no desire for peace. You'll never win. You can have an eternal war, or you can walk away.



Tomasu
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14 Mar 2009, 5:15 am

^^ I believe I have been blessed with great difficulty with such matters, indeed very much as a child. However, I believe I am very happy to be responsible for the situation. This is often due to the fact I find great difficulty in knowing if I have been responsible, or have offended a happy individual. ^^ I believe I realised that it perhaps matters not if I accept responsibility in the event that I am not responsible (however, I believe I would perhaps wish not to do so if I was certain that I was not responsible and the consequences were very dire), as this often resolves conflict very quickly.