Instead of closing in on yourself...

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If I were actively meeting women, and assuming a 1% conversion rate (since I'm not exactly good-looking), I would end up with one date approximately 8.33 years... And since it takes most people less than 8 years to find a date, I don't think i'd ever "convert", as it were... at least by using this method...

PS: Here's how I arrived at my 8.33 (repeating, of course) year figure:
I already mentioned assuming a 1% rate. That means, to successfully convert, a sample size of 100 women is needed. I can really only approach one woman a month... I need at least that long to get to know her enough that I could possibly become attracted, and in order to determine if a relationship would really work given the circumstances... So: 100 women / 12 months = 8.33 years to get through the 100 women, and therefore convert. And that is assuming a constant stream of women, which I have definitely not been keeping up... in the four years or so that I have been "on the market", so to speak, for finding a woman, there have only been four women that I've been attracted to... which would translate into actually needing 100 years to find a woman... Great odds, ain't it?

So good first step -- you took a realistic evaluation of your situation, and did the math. Now what's your next step? Realistically, meeting/approaching one woman a month isn't going to cut it, obviously. So if you really want a girlfriend, you're going to need to find another way to up those numbers. You and I have talked about this before, so I'm not going to rehash it here, but one way or another, you need to find a way that works for you (including changing some things about how you feel about social interaction). You know how the world works, and it's not compatible with your comfort zone -- time to change the comfort zone.

The problem isn't so much in going out to find women (although you are right in that I don't meet that many new women all the time anyway)... rather my issue is that I tend to ignore the "crushes" one would have that are based purely on physical attraction... it's a defense mechanism I developed after being used as a human calculator by a few women in high school... and as such, I just *can't* become attracted to a woman without getting to know her for about a month, what her personality is like, etc... I can attempt to fake it, but that generally tends to show almost immediately...

Maybe that's a good thing -- most women think most guys move too fast and only want one thing. The long game should be a winning combo.

Wait... first you said "you have to ask out as many women as you can", and then you say "the long game should be a winning combo"... I'm confused... which one is it? Those are almost complete opposites of each other...

It's a mix of both. They are not mutually exclusive.

Ask out as many women as you can. When anyone says yes, spend your time with her, and nobody else.

Okay, fair enough... I've never witnessed anything boolean about human nature before...


This is what I was trying to get at earlier. I can't ask out a woman that I don't know... If I'm going to be attracted to a woman, it's not until I've gotten to know her already, long after the socially-accepted window of opportunity to start dating has already passed...

Toadofsteel,

although the shotgun method is horrible, and will get you a bad rep, our or at least my way of being friends with a girl then asking them out is bad too. I tend to be the innocent friend, that the girl never suspects likes her, and when I do ask her out she is shocked, but tends to just keep it in that friend zone. You need to just become friends who like to flirt, and I realize I'm just not ready for this at this point in time.

Just swallow any pride you have and go for it. You will get rejected A LOT, and then suddenly someone says yes... Everyone goes through this, except people do it at different rates.

The point is not that I'm nervous. Okay, yes, I am, in fact, nervous in such situations (often emotionally paralyzed)... However, the main issue is that I am simply not attracted at all at the start. I can't just ask out a woman that I'm not attracted to... if I were to go out with a woman I had no interest in, and then did not make nor respond to any indications of romantic interest, it would be a big letdown for her... and therefore kills any chances I might have had. Like it or not, my permanently crippled ability to feel attracted to physical qualities alone means I can't just date based on looks, meaning I need that month or so to get to know her before I start dating...

I don't think I ever said anything about asking out as many as you can -- that was the other guy, and the seduction literature, but I'm a bit more conservative and shy. My thing is for you to be exposed (e.g., get to know) as many as you can, and then you select from there. Odds are if you are meeting many women a month, some you will hate, some you will be neutral about, some will like you but you not them, some you will like but they won't like you, and a small % will like you, and you them.

Then you ask them out, if they're not taken already, and if they are, then you stay friendly and wait for one of them to become single. If they still know you, you're high on the list as the next BF.

I guess I'm back to square one then... finding a place that women my age tend to go that I wouldn't mind going to (i.e. not clubs or bars)

I don't think clubs and bars would be any good, anyways -- I never went to those (I actually never went to a bar until I was married and like 24), and I don't think that most of the girls there are our type anyways.

We've had this discussion before -- our female counterparts are out there -- you just gotta think of where they might be, and where they would hang out, and how to talk to them.

I know my wife actually did used to like clubbing and dancing, but she doesn't want that from me (she doesn't want me around other women), and she's settled down now. Also, for her it was more cultural, and her trying to fit in.

Have you tried Craigslist, online dating, other interest groups? I don't really know much about you other than from this Romance forum. Do you have other hobbies besides Church? Let's not count Anime (too guy oriented), though related hobbies might also apply. Ever go to an art gallery? A library? Museums? Those are the places that have the kind of women I think I would really like -- smart, not into BS pop culture exclusively, open-minded.

Well the church is really the only place I spend time that also has other people involved. Most of my hobbies are rather introverted. I'm a video gamer, but I never go to lan parties and the like... I'm a trekkie, but don't go to the conventions (too weird even for my tastes)... I like singing in choir, but I only do so in my church... choirs are something that don't tend to attract the young adult crowd that much, and if they do, the people attracted to such tend to be divas. Also, there's that theater thing I mentioned in the other thread, but I don't know of any college-age theater groups in the area...

Or arrested.