Manipulative aspies.

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Your whole point is based on falsities in this conversation based on things that happened in the threads we both participated in that is why I will not answer it since they are all loaded statements. and Yes to clarify I will not destroy your points anymore out of respect for Quartermass. There was no point based on manipulations in your veiled insults. I can talk about it all day but I won't answer bait questions to start another argument again out of respect for Quartermass.

OK. Well if you've decided to not dog me on the site, I'm happy about that.

I'm sorry you didn't see that my posts here were about manipulativeness. If you think so, we're off topic.

You were right in the things you said about me being too "harsh" and some other things you said, so I will be trying to be nicer, thanks to your input.

I will clarify that if I see another attack on Spokane Girl I will get involved ... that is the last warning ...

To any Aspies out there who may have powers of manipulation,

Please use your powers to manipulate an end to this and other personal attack threads.

Thank you,

Guy(without powers of manipulation)TypingOnComputer

You must realize by now that you cannot threaten me.

Don't you realize your belief that you can/should engage in this dominating behavior to rein in people you don't like on this forum, and that your threats to dog people and attack them, is "manipulative"?

One thing about Asperger people is that NTs think that they can use negative social reinforcement to get them to "behave". This is where NTs think that Asperger people are "misbehaving" on purpose and consciously, and can control some annoying behavior if they are given enough negative punishments. What NTs fail to realize is that the Asperger people aren't playing some social game with their behavior and the NT negative reinforcements just cause meltdowns and blowups. Don't you know this?

I posted a comment about Spokane Girl's "offensiveness" post about Barack Obama simply because I had something relevant to say about her post on her opinion on what is "offensive". Period.

The fact that you believe that I'm consciously engaging in some social agenda and that negative punishments on your part will teach me some lesson goes to the heart of how NTs start bullying and harassing Asperger individuals and how socially negative punishments that they intend to pressure the Asperger individual with trigger meltdowns and blowups instead.

You see yourself as exerting some kind of control or watch over me, when my behavior is totally frank. I see you as being "manipulative" and codependent, controlling. You behave like an NT parent trying to improve the social behavior of an AS teenager, using negative social pressure.

I made a comment about Spokane Girl's "offensive" post about Barack Obama. If I have a bad opinion about her views of what is offensive or not, I can't really control that.

I can try to be nicer, and less blunt, in making posts on this site. But I can't make myself be dishonest.

If you try to control my verbal behavior by attacking me, you are only being manipulative in a way that doesn't work with Asperger people.

If you want to change my verbal behavior, it's much more effective to tell me, "You're being mean" or "that was offensive to the person who was the subject of your post". In fact, if you did that, you would be helping me, and I'd listen to you.

OK. Sorry. This is not good, you are right.

I'll continue this in pm.

OK. That would be best because this is too personal to be comfortable for others, whether it is on-topic or not.

Abangyarudo, you are not the one to give warnings, that is the province of the moderators. Mods have watched you and ephemerella continue your tempestuous romance across several threads, and as long as your conversation is not a violation the rules, you have been allowed to continue.

But I draw the line at you issuing 'warnings' because the only warning any member on WrongPlanet.net should heed is from THE MODERATORS.

and Moderator Warnings are a courtesy only, there is no rule that says we must warn.

Merle
Moderator

I didn't give her a warning based on her being banned from WP I gave her a warning based on if she continued I will go back. Now as far as the romance part have fun with that idea I'm doing what other mods should have done when someone attacks another member through several threads. So yes I will continue what I have to do and since I have never claimed or said that my actions are WP sponsored I see no point in your claims. If There is any further problem feel free to pm me.

The procedure for reporting abuse or rule violation on WP is PMing a moderator, not becoming a vigilante. If you refuse to bring the incident to the attention of the moderator and decide to take matters into your own hands, then this is also grounds for being banned.

Merle
Moderator

I pmed the mod the mod originally involved. He is not on and quite frankly its a simple procedure to make a report button on the forum. I don't see the point in me mindlessly pming mods to find which ones are on. Yet similarly you have to still post in a thread after I invited you to pm me just reeks of having to puff your chest out. Its cool if that is the behavior that will be active in wp then I think I want no part of it.

That is a decision you will have to make for yourself, Abangyarudo, however if you continue on your present course, the decision will be made for you.

Merle
Moderator

Really? what rules did I break supposedly to warrant a banning? I guess saying that your attempting to puff out your chest is an insult?

I found a small tutorial, "Dealing with Manipulative People", that has a summary from a book outlining manipulative people and how to deal with them, etc. It was such a brief and easy-to-read tutorial that I really want to post it here because it's so helpful.

This is not intended to be targeted at any individual, really. I remember from a comment I made earlier in this thread about whether or not lying and deception is a part of manipulation, and this tutorial outlines what roles deceptive behavior ("covert aggression") plays in manipulation and control. I like the below because it lists the forms that some of that deceptive behavior takes, which is good specific info for people who lack Theory of Mind. Because I need specifics like that, I'm posting it here for others too.

The link above is to a summary of the book. Below is an edited version of the summary:

Dealing With Manipulative People
An Excerpt from the book: In Sheep's Clothing
By George K. Simon

Two Basic Types of Aggression

There are two basic types of aggression: overt-aggression and covert-aggression. When you're determined to have something and you're open, direct and obvious in your manner of fighting, your behavior is best labeled overtly aggressive. When you're out to "win," dominate or control, but are subtle, underhanded or deceptive enough to hide your true intentions, your behavior is most appropriately labeled covertly aggressive. Now, avoiding any overt display of aggression while simultaneously intimidating others into giving you what you want is a powerfully manipulative maneuver. That's why covert-aggression is most often the vehicle for interpersonal manipulation....

Acts of Covert-Aggression vs. Covert-Aggressive Personalities

Most of us have engaged in some sort of covertly aggressive behavior from time to time. Periodically trying to manipulate a person or a situation doesn't make someone a covert-aggressive personality. Personality can be defined by the way a person habitually perceives, relates to and interacts with others and the world at large....

The Process of Victimization

For a long time, I wondered why manipulation victims have a hard time seeing what really goes on in manipulative interactions. At first, I was tempted to fault them. But I've learned that they get hoodwinked for some very good reasons:

A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. Our gut may tell us that they're fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can't point to clear, objective evidence they're aggressing against us, we can't readily validate our feelings....

The tactics manipulators use can make it seem like they're hurting, caring, defending, ..., almost anything but fighting. ...

All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. ...

Recognizing Aggressive Agendas

Accepting how fundamental it is for people to fight for the things they want and becoming more aware of the subtle, underhanded ways people can and do fight in their daily endeavors and relationships can be very consciousness expanding. Learning to recognize an aggressive move when somebody makes one and learning how to handle oneself in any of life's many battles, has turned out to be the most empowering experience for the manipulation victims with whom I've worked. ...

Defense Mechanisms and Offensive Tactics

Denial – This is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they've done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have. It's a way they lie (to themselves as well as to others) about their aggressive intentions. This "Who... Me?" tactic is a way of "playing innocent," and invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior. It's also the way the aggressor gives him/herself permission to keep right on doing what they want to do. ...

Selective Inattention – This tactic is similar to and sometimes mistaken for denial It's when the aggressor "plays dumb," or acts oblivious. When engaging in this tactic, the aggressor actively ignores the warnings, pleas or wishes of others, and in general, refuses to pay attention to everything and anything that might distract them from pursuing their own agenda. Often, the aggressor knows full well what you want from him when he starts to exhibit this "I don't want to hear it!" behavior. By using this tactic, the aggressor actively resists submitting himself to the tasks of paying attention to or refraining from the behavior you want him to change. ...

Rationalization – A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior. It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the aggressor offers makes just enough sense that any reasonably conscientious person is likely to fall for it. ...

In the story of little Lisa, Mary felt uneasy about the relentlessness with which Joe pursued his quest to make his daughter an obedient, all-A student once again. And, she was aware of Lisa's expressed desire to pursue counseling as a means of addressing and perhaps solving some of her problems. Although Mary felt uneasy about Joe's forcefulness and sensed the impact on her daughter, she allowed herself to become persuaded by his rationalizations ...

Diversion – A moving target is hard to hit. When we try to pin a manipulator down or try to keep a discussion focused on a single issue or behavior we don't like, he's expert at knowing how to change the subject, dodge the issue or in some way throw us a curve. Manipulators use distraction and diversion techniques to keep the focus off their behavior, move us off-track, and keep themselves free to promote their self-serving hidden agendas.

Lying – It's often hard to tell when a person is lying at the time he's doing it. Fortunately, there are times when the truth will out because circumstances don't bear out somebody's story. ...

Covert Intimidation – Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. Covert-aggressives intimidate their victims by making veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats. ...

Guilt-tripping – One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do. Manipulators are often skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position. The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon. ...

Shaming – This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy, and therefore, defer to them. It's an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party, thereby allowing an aggressor to maintain a position of dominance....

Playing the Victim Role – This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. ...

Vilifying the Victim – This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role. The aggressor uses this tactic to make it appear he is only responding (i.e. defending himself against) aggression on the part of the victim. It enables the aggressor to better put the victim on the defensive. ...

Playing the Servant Role – Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause. It's a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else's behalf, covert-aggressives conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others. ...

Seduction – Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty. Covert-aggressives are also particularly aware that people who are to some extent emotionally needy and dependent (and that includes most people who aren't character-disordered) want approval, reassurance, and a sense of being valued and needed more than anything. ...

Projecting the blame (blaming others) – Aggressive personalities are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior. Covert-aggressives are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they're expert at doing so in subtle, hard to detect ways.

Minimization – This tactic is a unique kind of denial coupled with rationalization. When using this maneuver, the aggressor is attempting to assert that his abusive behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It's the aggressor's attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain.

I've been told I'm manipulative before by my parents. My mom constantly tells me I manipulate other people to get my way and one day I'm going to run out of people to use. Maybe it's true. *shrugs*