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CrinklyCrustacean
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26 Mar 2009, 4:26 pm

do you find it as difficult to socialise as with NTs, or is it easier because you share the same social difficulties? I'm curious since I don't have lots of social difficulties anymore and the aspies I do know have been friends from around then.



xalepax
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26 Mar 2009, 4:37 pm

You are very lucky. I found it difficult when I tried to meet aspies some years ago. The hardest part was to see that it looked like to be so dead easy for them. They laughed and had fun and they was very social. And they really made friends with each other. I so much wanted a friend and still want to.
There was three aspies who wanted to be friend with me but they was "oversocial" in a way that I couldnt cope with. They was obtrusive and Im a very reserved and affraid person. That made me sad that I never met anyone who was more of my kind


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Stinkypuppy
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26 Mar 2009, 4:37 pm

For my own experience it depends from Aspie to Aspie. I've met Aspies who've accumulated lots of social skills and thus didn't find it all that difficult to initiate conversations with them. On the other hand, I've met Aspies who seemed very uncomfortable and appeared as though they'd rather not have anything to do with me whatsoever, and took the first chance they could to get out of there.


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CrinklyCrustacean
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26 Mar 2009, 4:54 pm

xalepax wrote:
You are very lucky. I found it difficult when I tried to meet aspies some years ago. The hardest part was to see that it looked like to be so dead easy for them. They laughed and had fun and they was very social. And they really made friends with each other. I so much wanted a friend and still want to.
There was three aspies who wanted to be friend with me but they was "oversocial" in a way that I couldnt cope with. They was obtrusive and Im a very reserved and affraid person. That made me sad that I never met anyone who was more of my kind


Yes I'm very lucky, but if it's any consolation the more I've read over the last 3 days, the more I've realised that there is still an underlying discomfort for socialising. It's not that I don't like socialising, I love it in fact, but having to learn all these rules just to do it with NTs gives an unnatural edge to the whole thing.



Zyborg
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26 Mar 2009, 5:22 pm

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
do you find it as difficult to socialise as with NTs, or is it easier because you share the same social difficulties? I'm curious since I don't have lots of social difficulties anymore and the aspies I do know have been friends from around then.


I find it easier.

Aspergians either do not care about my staring glance or are so happy that I am talking with them that they let me decide.



Willard
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26 Mar 2009, 5:44 pm

I don't know whether I've ever met another Aspie. I do think most of my friends throughout life have been 'outside the box' left-of-mainstream thinkers (read: freaks & geeks), but looking back, I can even say for sure whether they may or may not have been on the spectrum. They definitely did not think like the neurotypical community in most respects, that's for sure. So I would say yes, I am far more comfortable hanging out with other weirdos. :D



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26 Mar 2009, 7:40 pm

One of my associates in school quite definitely had AS. However, it was harder to communicate with him than with others. I shall explain.

When I'm communicating with someone, it often seems, metaphorically, like there is some kind of wall between us that causes confusion. When I was communicating with this person with AS, it was as though there were two such walls and so double the scope for confusion and misunderstanding.

Certainly I am more comfortable, though, being with people who are less proficient in socialising. But, it must be remembered, not every non-autistic has great social skills.



sketches
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26 Mar 2009, 11:22 pm

The only kind of person I've ever met was what you guys call "NT." It's the only type I know. My friends are normal, my family thinks I'm weird, my coworkers all call me silly... It's uncomfortable not understanding society when everyone else around me does. It's even tougher when they can't explain it to me. I'm just lucky that I know so many open-minded and accepting people.

So, I wouldn't know what to think or how to act when/if I meet an autistic person or someone I'm aware who has Asperger's syndrome. Besides, I suck at hypothetical stuff.

The only people who suspect I can relate to in my "different" ways of thinking are probably the people on this site... at least, somewhat. Even some of you people seem to think a whole lot more conventionally than me.



outlier
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27 Mar 2009, 8:37 am

I find it easier than with non-autistics. However, if there's more than one person involved, it's just as hard as ever.



Sorenna
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27 Mar 2009, 9:57 am

I find it harder.

Believe it or not, when I am talking with them, I wonder if they are the ones that fit the idea that we are so cold and uncompassionate! Is that stupid or what? THat is one of the misnomers I hate most that has been perprated about us!

So I think, well, maybe it's true for them and they find me annoyhing and stupid. Maybe they are thinking that I am so close to NT that I am an NT and can't understand them/ Maybe because I was DXed late, I don't know what's it's like to have the support they have.

If it is a guy, I am thinking, uh oh, they like reallly hot chicks nad I am plain, so I have no value to them.


Is that stupid? I really feel bad about it, but those are some things that set me on endge about AUT's., mostly ASP's actually. If they are AUT it is a little eaiser because I am AUT and I have extgreme sense issues and I know they do, too.



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27 Mar 2009, 5:57 pm

Really depends.

I'm more lenient about things like weak eye-contact, gaps in the conversation, inappropriate conversation topics (within reason).

While most of the people I've met with AS, I've related to...there have been a handful that I felt no connection whatsoever.

Either:

A) Their conversation skills were so poor that the conversation felt very awkward.
B) They're a selective mute.
C) Their parents were hovering over, and dominated their space.

For example, one man (who was actually diagnosed as classically autistic back in 1968, but had his diagnosis "switched" to AS once he developed the social skills of a 10 year old with AS) went on and on about his cats.

One girl wouldn't speak to anyone, and the people around her spoke ABOUT her, but never directly to her. They would just speak to her mother.

One girl started off a conversation by saying "My life is so hard, it's SO hard".

I like the analogy that McTell gave. With SOME people with AS, it feels like there are two walls. With most NTs, only one wall. But SOME people with AS, it feels like we have the same 'wall'. So we're both on the same side of that wall.



GuyTypingOnComputer
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27 Mar 2009, 8:18 pm

Quote:
I like the analogy that McTell gave. With SOME people with AS, it feels like there are two walls. With most NTs, only one wall. But SOME people with AS, it feels like we have the same 'wall'. So we're both on the same side of that wall.


I like this explanation. With some people on the spectrum, I find that we can "riff" off each other in a way I can't with NTs. With others, if our interests are not aligned than there is no chance of socialization.

Barriers to communication among people on the spectrum:

--Lack of overlap in interests/obsessions
--Incompatibility with each other's routines
--Unique/individualized social norms that other person may find to be confusing or intrusive



Learning2Survive
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27 Mar 2009, 8:23 pm

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
do you find it as difficult to socialise as with NTs, or is it easier because you share the same social difficulties? I'm curious since I don't have lots of social difficulties anymore and the aspies I do know have been friends from around then.


Much easier! Among aspies, I feel right at home. Even the guys who are like totally disabled, I have good patience with them and help them out with making conversation. It does not matter. We are all aspies. In fact, I've never had such a relaxing time socializing with people as in a group of aspies/autistics.


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dougn
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28 Mar 2009, 1:21 am

Generally, it does not seem to make much of a difference for me.



TheFish
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28 Mar 2009, 3:06 am

I find it easier - if they have common interests. If we don't share common interests, there isn't really much we can talk about :(.



TheLonelyGamer
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28 Mar 2009, 4:38 am

See I probly am about as mature as lets say maybe a freshmen in highschool sometimes older sometimes younger with the occasional hyper moment (almost akin to a seizure atleast that seems like that to me) and seem not very intelligent but give me the right topic and I will engage you in a lively disscussion as long as im up on said topic like Tolkien give me something from LOTR and other stories to disscuss or debate and ill go at it with you, videogames try me, movies? hit the right genres. I do find it funny how myy mand LDs with my AS tend to mask the intelligence I do have and on occasion I make it show through if the topic is of high interest to me.


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Last edited by TheLonelyGamer on 29 Mar 2009, 7:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.