I need to know why society think its ok to lie?

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ReeseLightnin
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14 Apr 2009, 10:21 am

Whinge whinge whinge. You tell them to speak honestly and think that's going to solve the problem when you yourself have said on many occasions that you won't change for anyone. Why should they change how they communicate for you?



deadeyexx
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14 Apr 2009, 11:57 am

Maybe it's my lack of experience, but have any girls on here directly meant "I want nothing to do with you" when they say "let's just be friends"? The way I've always seen it, "let's just be friends" means they have no interest in dating you, but are ok with still talking to you & keeping on good terms. Of course, as long as the guy doesn't keep persisting to date you, then it pretty much would turn into "I want nothing to do with you".

I thought the purpose of white lies is that you do value the other person's feelings & opinions too much to hurt them, therefore making yourself have something to do with them. Most people wouldn't care about telling the cold truth to someone they truly wanted to go away.



KenM
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15 Apr 2009, 6:17 pm

I know what "lets be friends" means. I know society accepts it as OK. I don't accept it as OK when people lie to your face and get away with it. Thats what I'm trying to understand. Why do we as a society let people say these things to lets each other feel better? Are we all so soft that no one can handle the truth?

I'm never having children. But if I did have a daughter, when she got to be the age for dating, I would tell her to always be honest and tell the truth. Never say you want to stay friends with someone when you don't mean it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. They will be a better person for it.

Someone said I'm not willing to change. I am willing to change some things, but becoming a liar is not something I'm willing to do. At least I have honor and integrity. Unlike 90% of the women I have known.



JennaJ
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15 Apr 2009, 11:28 pm

KenM wrote:
I know what "lets be friends" means. I know society accepts it as OK. I don't accept it as OK when people lie to your face and get away with it. Thats what I'm trying to understand. Why do we as a society let people say these things to lets each other feel better? Are we all so soft that no one can handle the truth?

I'm never having children. But if I did have a daughter, when she got to be the age for dating, I would tell her to always be honest and tell the truth. Never say you want to stay friends with someone when you don't mean it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. They will be a better person for it.

Someone said I'm not willing to change. I am willing to change some things, but becoming a liar is not something I'm willing to do. At least I have honor and integrity. Unlike 90% of the women I have known.


I am an NT and I am all for what you said above. I agree. Why do people who are speaking to a person they know likes them say 'let's be friends"? Or why do they say it when they don't even like the person as a friend at all?

Well, they say it because people are inherently weak and most dislike confrontation. A lot.

It isn't that people can't HANDLE the truth, it is that people can't handle GIVING it. They have a hard time confronting people and saying what is on their minds. This is where many aspies have the edge over the average NT. Even tho the NT doesn't think it is an advantage, they view it as 'what did he/she just say!" *GASP* when they should instead examine WHY they feel the need to sugarcoat, dance around the topic, and say things they don't mean.

Althought I am an NT i also abhor this dance that people dance around truths. People are just inherently weak and that is why you get these statements. When i was single i was the girl who had no problem when a guy asked me for my number saying "no, i'd rather not".Why would i give him my number and never call him back? Or even worse give him a fake one? that is ridiculous and does that really help this man feel better? No, in the long run he feels even worse. LOL to be honest in my true fashion i was likely the one who sat him down in a cozy chair and tried to give him love advice if i felt comfortable with him and only declined the number because perhaps i was in a relationship but thought he was a very likeable guy, because i talk to much. But they always seemed interested in what i had to say LOL.

But when i declined to give out my number i was always polite and also told him i was flattered, because that was the God's honest truth. It always flattered me. I was never so full of myself that I would scoff at someone's interest.



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16 Apr 2009, 12:05 am

JennaJ wrote:
KenM wrote:
I know what "lets be friends" means. I know society accepts it as OK. I don't accept it as OK when people lie to your face and get away with it. Thats what I'm trying to understand. Why do we as a society let people say these things to lets each other feel better? Are we all so soft that no one can handle the truth?

I'm never having children. But if I did have a daughter, when she got to be the age for dating, I would tell her to always be honest and tell the truth. Never say you want to stay friends with someone when you don't mean it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. They will be a better person for it.

Someone said I'm not willing to change. I am willing to change some things, but becoming a liar is not something I'm willing to do. At least I have honor and integrity. Unlike 90% of the women I have known.


I am an NT and I am all for what you said above. I agree. Why do people who are speaking to a person they know likes them say 'let's be friends"? Or why do they say it when they don't even like the person as a friend at all?

Well, they say it because people are inherently weak and most dislike confrontation. A lot.

It isn't that people can't HANDLE the truth, it is that people can't handle GIVING it. They have a hard time confronting people and saying what is on their minds. This is where many aspies have the edge over the average NT. Even tho the NT doesn't think it is an advantage, they view it as 'what did he/she just say!" *GASP* when they should instead examine WHY they feel the need to sugarcoat, dance around the topic, and say things they don't mean.

Althought I am an NT i also abhor this dance that people dance around truths. People are just inherently weak and that is why you get these statements. When i was single i was the girl who had no problem when a guy asked me for my number saying "no, i'd rather not".Why would i give him my number and never call him back? Or even worse give him a fake one? that is ridiculous and does that really help this man feel better? No, in the long run he feels even worse. LOL to be honest in my true fashion i was likely the one who sat him down in a cozy chair and tried to give him love advice if i felt comfortable with him and only declined the number because perhaps i was in a relationship but thought he was a very likeable guy, because i talk to much. But they always seemed interested in what i had to say LOL.

But when i declined to give out my number i was always polite and also told him i was flattered, because that was the God's honest truth. It always flattered me. I was never so full of myself that I would scoff at someone's interest.


Are there women like you, except single, in their 20s, and living in the greater NYC area?



KenM
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16 Apr 2009, 4:42 am

Thanks, JennaJ. Glad to see there are other people that think all those games, white lies are wrong.



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16 Apr 2009, 1:00 pm

I haven't, and I don't think anyone else here has said that the lies are OK - just that you already know what it means and continue to rail against it only serves to hurt yourself. Perfect world aside, this is where we are, Ken... one can either accept or fight, but the choice remains yours.


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KenM
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17 Apr 2009, 5:14 am

Sorry. I'm not going to accept that its ok for people to lie to me and mislead me. Plus unlike the majority of people out there, its seems I can take the truth. I'm done here.



ReeseLightnin
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17 Apr 2009, 8:51 am

That's right, it's everyone else's problem and you're the strong one.

If you can't see how a person would want to lie over telling someone straight out "you're overweight, you're unattractive, you're not that bright, and you have rules for how I have to act" then you're really not fit for a human relationship. Either work on yourself or stop complaining with every breath.



17 Apr 2009, 2:17 pm

KenM wrote:
Sorry. I'm not going to accept that its ok for people to lie to me and mislead me. Plus unlike the majority of people out there, its seems I can take the truth. I'm done here.


You know what they mean when they say "Let's be friends" so they aren't misleading you then since you know what they mean by it.

Here I am posting again after I said I was done here. Now you can be mad at me for lying and misleading you. :lol:



KenM
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17 Apr 2009, 3:41 pm

ReeseLightnin wrote:
That's right, it's everyone else's problem and you're the strong one.

Either work on yourself or stop complaining with every breath.



Glad some agrees with me. I have always worked on myself. Changed, and I have an open mind about most things. But I will not let people lie to me and disrespect me. If I change anymore to make others happy, I will not be the person I know anymore. I'm not going to change to make others happy. Eiither you like me for who I am or you don't. But if you don't, tell me flat out thats the way it is. But don't let me down easy to stroke your own fragile ego.



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17 Apr 2009, 3:53 pm

KenM wrote:
ReeseLightnin wrote:
That's right, it's everyone else's problem and you're the strong one.

Either work on yourself or stop complaining with every breath.



Glad some agrees with me. I have always worked on myself. Changed, and I have an open mind about most things. But I will not let people lie to me and disrespect me. If I change anymore to make others happy, I will not be the person I know anymore. I'm not going to change to make others happy. Eiither you like me for who I am or you don't. But if you don't, tell me flat out thats the way it is. But don't let me down easy to stroke your own fragile ego.


Hey I agree with you too... Sugar-coating stuff like this is wrong on all counts... I just know that there's a lot of wrong in the world and trying to fix all of it is futile...



KenM
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17 Apr 2009, 3:57 pm

To everyone that agrees with me. Thanks. I guess I just have to find someone that is as honest as me.



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17 Apr 2009, 4:30 pm

The point is not to endlessly complain about it... okay, you are allowed to complain a little bit about it, but to truly show your disapproval of such, you need to raise yourself above all those women, and prove yourself a better person than they... and demonstrate that one can get through life without resorting to all that...



17 Apr 2009, 6:28 pm

I think it's stupid too but I don't complain about it. How they talk to each other is their business. I can't tell them how to live their lives or how to talk to each other. It be like someone telling me how to spend my time alone with my bf. I wouldn't like that.
When I know what phrases means, I don't b***h and moan about it and take it literal on purpose.


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