I am CLUELESS...
With everyday interactions, I tend to miss more subtle cues, but generally I'm not too bad. I've learned alot over the years.
But I'm still pretty much oblivious to any kind of flirtatious/romantic cues.
Anyone feel like sharing some good resources or something? How can you tell?
Thanks.
_________________
"I've been really, really anti-social for the past few years, and I'm just starting to get over it, and come out of my shell, and be able to like people again" - D'Arcy Wretzky
sketches
Deinonychus
Joined: 24 Mar 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 326
Location: Everywhere you want to be
I used to be oblivious of any flirtations, too. When I got interested in dating, however, it was I who started to become the flirt.
Some cues in guys to keep in mind:
- They ask an excessive number of questions about you and your hobbies and your interests.
- They ask you if you have a boyfriend.
- They look you in the eye, or they smile, or they try to sound funny, or they seem nervous. Nervousness includes fidgeting, nervous laughter, deep breaths.
- They give a blunt joke, like, "Is that a mirror in your pocket?" No, why? "Because I can see myself in your pants." Could also just be for laughs and not a flirt.
- They're more touchy-feely with you (vs. others).
- Many other cues that I can't think of right now.
Good luck!
I'm the same way. I'll be out with a couple of friends/acquaintances and I'll leave our table for some reason and some girl will talk to me. Usually, ask me how tall I am. I answer her questions and go back to our table. My friends will tell me that she was flirting with me or ask me why I didn't get her number or say that she was totally in to me. And I'm like, "she just wanted to know how tall I am."
21m:
To be honest I don't know much about hitting on women... And I know that isn't what you are asking for, but just look at this from my male perspective:
As a male, if I am talking to a female (and I'm not forced to OR trying to stop the conversation), I pretty much want to get to know her better. And historically speaking since I haven't been looking for friends, every time I talked to somebody I was pretty much low-key interviewing them as somebody to potentially ask out on a date...
Wow. It sounds sick put in words...? lol.
Good clue that a guy might be interested in you: They talk to you.
I swear to god, I think guys are sluts. Trying to figure out if they want you for the correct reasons should be the hard part -- not trying to figure out if they want you.
Standing in your 'intimate' space is one clue. Someone kept doing that while I was walking with them (I had suspected they liked me for a couple of weeks by this time) and finally they asked me out. It was awkward: we nearly bumped into each other on numerous occasions just because of this. I said no, for those who are curious.
There was a really brilliant programme on the BBC in the UK, called 'Would like to meet' - a team of adviser used to take a single person who wasn't good at dating, and they kind of put them through a dating boot camp, about how to dress, how to talk to people, how to flirt and how to recognise that other people are flirting.
Some excerpts are on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_t ... t+bbc&aq=f
And on the BBC website a couple of videos:
http://search.bbc.co.uk/search?go=homep ... &scope=all
Quite a few more links here as well, written advice:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/sing ... ting.shtml
http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/sing ... hing.shtml
Some cues in guys to keep in mind:
- They ask an excessive number of questions about you and your hobbies and your interests.
- They ask you if you have a boyfriend.
- They look you in the eye, or they smile, or they try to sound funny, or they seem nervous. Nervousness includes fidgeting, nervous laughter, deep breaths.
- They give a blunt joke, like, "Is that a mirror in your pocket?" No, why? "Because I can see myself in your pants." Could also just be for laughs and not a flirt.
- They're more touchy-feely with you (vs. others).
- Many other cues that I can't think of right now.
Good luck!
This is good advice. They often focus intensely on you to the exclusion of others around you (if you're in a group situation), ask you lots and lots of questions about yourself, and can seem nervous at times (But I find the biggest giveaway is them focussing all their attention on you over a reasonably long period of time, smiling a lot, and in some cases flushing/blushing). This is how NT guys tick, at any rate.
_________________
Into the dark...
I think with any gender if they're getting in your bubble, and focusing their attention on you more than would be normal for an ordinary conversation, at the very least they're flirting. If they express interest in things about you that don't get brought up in ordinary conversation, such as what your family is like, if you're dating, ambitions, travel plans, HEIGHT, that should be a dead giveaway.
There are ways you can measure the attention they're placing. For example, if their body seems very responsive to any of your movements, more so than everyone else in the room, that's one way to identify they're focusing on you. Like for example, if moving your knee over for comfort causes a girl in your bubble to react in some way or another instantly, she's focused enough to react to very subtle movements from your body.
It's just a matter of putting it together to gauge HOW MUCH interest they have, and if it warrants asking for a phone number, or perhaps lunch.