The invisible disability vs. the visible disability

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reddingcal
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01 Apr 2009, 4:04 pm

I agree with you Sora. Sometimes other people with disabilities cannot see past their own and realize they aren't the only person with problems. I have a pretty moderate to severe auditory processing problem and of course some of the people I have the most trouble understanding are people with speech disabilities (Mute, Deaf, Mentally Handicapped). Instead of realizing that I may already have a problem understanding them they often get upset and yell at me for it. In high school I tried working at Subway and one Deaf person came to order. I couldn't understand him and he couldn't understand me because I'm not easy to read lips off of. My coworkers made a big deal about it and yelled at me for not being able to understand. One of the girls told me I don't even try to annunciate properly and I purposely wouldn't make the extra effort to understand someone with a disability. It made me so pissed off. People don't consider I have problems understanding too. Finally I had a meltdown and yelled back and quit.

I have rode a lot of buses and I know how you feel. I was waiting at a busy buss stop Near a University stop that had at least 20-30 people there. All of a sudden a guy with Schizophrenia starts walking towards me. Apparently he misinterpreted my body language and facial expressions as being upset, angry, and judging him which was totally untrue. What does the piece of s**t do? All he says before taking a swing at me was, "You hate me because I'm a raver don't you f****r?" Here I am sitting still, haven't said a word, and suddenly someone is taking a swing at me for no reason. When people get physical with me I have explosive meltdowns. I never, ever attack anyone first but when they engage me I lose it a bit. I Jumped up and blocked his punch and pushed him back with a hard shove. I reached up and grabbed at him and the force broke his CD player. I run him up the street a couple of blocks before letting him run off. He even kept running after I gave up to the point he was out of sight. I feel bad for breaking his CD player, but he intended to assault me for no reason. In fact his first swing was a sucker punch while I was sitting down.

I am a little weary of schizophrenics. Another time I was outside in front of a bowling alley and a Schizophrenic got upset with the my facial expressions and he come up and tried to attack me. I am over six feet three inches tall and 250 lbs. I'm starting to think people feel threatened by my size and misinterpret my facial expressions and eye contact as threatening. I've had NTs start fights with me for no reason as well. I don't feel sorry for the NTs as much because they really have it coming. This group of punks at the mall singled me out to harass and wrongly thought their numbers would help them. They tried to beat me up outside but I broke this guys nose and slammed him into the ground within the first few seconds of him hitting me. I beat the crap out of the other two and the girls who were with them actually had the nerve to call the police on ME! Guess who went to jail? They DID. The f*****g cops are not stupid. They watched the surveillance video and being a peaceful person that I am I tried to go to a different area in the mall and they followed me. I told them off and they followed me. I went outside and they followed me. They then thought I would be an easy target to assault. WRONG. My dad was an ex marine. He taught me how to fight. I don't like to hurt people, I really don't. If given the opportunity I like to even avoid arguments. Why can't people just mind their own business? Why can't they leave us alone and understand we have problems too?



Callista
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01 Apr 2009, 4:09 pm

If NTs misinterpret your facial expressions, then I don't know there's anything particular about schizophrenics that might make them do it, too.

I wonder... is there a way to learn to look less threatening? It might be an important communication skill. Has anybody figured out what looks "threatening" or "vulnerable" (either one's bad) and figured out how to project something else--like maybe indifference or confidence?


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reddingcal
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01 Apr 2009, 4:16 pm

Callista wrote:
If NTs misinterpret your facial expressions, then I don't know there's anything particular about schizophrenics that might make them do it, too.

I wonder... is there a way to learn to look less threatening? It might be an important communication skill.


I don't know what it is. Its not exactly a common thing to be attacked but the majority were schizophrenics. Maybe a couple other times where NTs try to start an argument. I will look at them with a kind of indifferent glare I guess. I can also project a very innocent and "gentile" aura that people think they might be able to get away with stuff. I have trouble remembering to smile at people or nodding at guys. There is NO reason giving someone the right to lay their hands on you if you haven't physically assailed them in any way. NO REASON or excuse. The cops don't buy it either. IF you just walk up and punch someone without any words even being said its their your fault. I will defend myself and they will get what they deserve.

I am not intimidated nor threatened by anyone. I behave how I behave and thats that. I notice some guys act really nice to some thugs that think they are "all that" but I treat them like everyone else. I don't mess around with fights. I will deliver a debilitating counterattack that will incapacitate them.



Last edited by reddingcal on 01 Apr 2009, 4:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Callista
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01 Apr 2009, 4:21 pm

Yeah, schizophrenia isn't much of an excuse. Maybe it's the extra paranoia that makes it easier for them to read hostility into your actions; but then, many aren't paranoid, just confused. Anyway, the ones I met had mostly the confused sort; they didn't misread me--in fact, seemed to be even worse at reading people than I am.


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reddingcal
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01 Apr 2009, 4:28 pm

Callista wrote:
Yeah, schizophrenia isn't much of an excuse. Maybe it's the extra paranoia that makes it easier for them to read hostility into your actions; but then, many aren't paranoid, just confused. Anyway, the ones I met had mostly the confused sort; they didn't misread me--in fact, seemed to be even worse at reading people than I am.


You're right. The guy at the bus stop was probably a Paranoid Schizophrenic. I also tend to have trouble with NTs who are paranoid and/or insecure with their masculinity. I guess it threatens them when a big guy looks at them with indifference. They believe I should go out of my way to "show respect" but thats not how I think or act. I just look at them and continue what I'm doing/thinking about. Usually the most aggressive ones will start giving me dirty looks and stare and I will of course look back at them to see whats going on. I'll just look at them indifferently and if they look rather pathetic (angry for no reason) I have a tendency to smile or laugh instead of getting irrationally angry. To an insecure male thats probably the worst thing you can do but I can't help it. I often have inappropriate emotions and sometimes when faced with something unpredictable I laugh or smile. I'm not threatened by people. I don't feel the need to assert my aggression on people but that certainly does not mean I am a push over.