Do You live in your own little world?
One of my only complaints about my life, which is otherwise very satisfying, is that interacting with "the world" sucks up so much of my time and energy.
Of course my family takes a lot of my time and energy, but the things that really drain me are external: the grocery store, waiting for my kids in the schoolyard, anyone who comes to the door. I would love to be able to avoid all those kinds of things eternally.
I do also dream of living alone in my own little place, and just visiting my family a few evenings a week and weekends. Then my environment would be restful to me (organized, and much less Stuff to organize in the first place), and I'd have much more control over my time and space.
But that is entirely unrealistic and won't happen. It just doesn't work within the life I've chosen (even if I chose that life before I knew about AS).
This is what I'm afraid of, when I think about withdrawing from the external world (to the extent that's possible, given my current life). I've worked so hard all my life to be good at the social game, and it's paid off; I'm much better than I was as a child and I've really managed to "fit in" to the NT world pretty well. Those skills will always be useful, and sometimes even necessary, so I don't want to lose them.
On the other hand, I don't want to keep interacting with the world in ways that are stressful for me solely to keep my skills from atrophying. It's sort of like someone who dislikes milk drinking it every day anyway, just to keep up his tolerance to lactose in case he ends up eating something with lactose in it someday.
I want to drop all interactions that stress me, even if that seems "weird" to the outside world, so that I can be stress-free within my family, with the people that really matter to me. Mostly I'm so overwhelmed by the rest of my day that I am often snappy at home with my husband and kids, because that's where I feel safe. I'd rather the rest of the world saw me as "weird" or "aloof" or "crazy" even, if it means I'm a nicer person at home.
And I'd like to stop feeling like all the best parts of me are lying unused because all my energy is sucked up just getting through a normal day in normal ways.
I guess I'm moving in this direction, but I've spent a lifetime thinking that getting good at the social thing (and liking it) was the right goal, and it's hard to suddenly not care if I seem weird to others. I spent so long working so hard not to seem weird to others that it's very hard turn around and sail back in the other direction, so to speak.
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larsenjw92286
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Joined: 30 Aug 2004
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,062
Location: Seattle, Washington
I think I live in my own little world. I keep myself occupied by my thoughts, and I like to think about things that interest me or make me happy. I have always been good at finding things to do, and when I get bored, my thoughts keep me entertained & comfortable.
I live alone in my own condominium, where I can do whatever I want to do. Most of the time, I do not go out very much. In my free time, I usually just stay home alone & do my own things, which are just solitary pursuits.
At my job, I work independently, and I do not like working with the public or my other co-workers.
Lately, I have been attempting to become more active & sociable. I am a member of a web site called meetup.com, and I like to go to get-togethers with other individuals who have Asperger's syndrome.
My own little world is what makes me happiest, and I am glad that I am this way.
I don't live exclusively in my own world (though my mother might beg to differ). I live in a limited world. It's me and my animals and a very predictable routine. I get up, go to the barn to take care of my horses (very theraputic), go to a desk job as a software engineer (limited interaction with people), come home and read a book or research whatever on my computer. Wash, rinse repeat. I have one friend who has five kids and consequently almost no time for me and makes no demands of me. It serves as my occasional fix of humanity. I get most of my groceries delivered to my door and use Amazon for just about everything else. Except clothes. I use one of those online "Personal Fashion Consultant" services. That works for me. I hope you find your own niche.
I wish I could retreat into my own world and just disappear. The intrusion of the world of people makes me want to be dead. Humans are vile and cruel and live to torture the vulnerable.
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"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks
StampySquiddyFan
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Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,754
Location: Stampy's Lovely World
That sounds so cool. I need one of those personal fashion consultants- my mom is so fed up with me because I refuse to wear just about everything .
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Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!
Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine
That sounds so cool. I need one of those personal fashion consultants- my mom is so fed up with me because I refuse to wear just about everything .
They probably hate me. You can give them constraints about what you will wear. I like plaid. And I have forbidden them from many colors and fabrics. They have to work within my limitations. They send pictures before they actually send the stuff and you can make them swap things out if you don't like the way it looks. And when the clothes arrive if you don't like the way they feel you just put them back in the bag and return them for free. They don't charge until after the try on periods ends. Oh and they do "outfits" I can log into the website and look at the pictures of which things go together. It's pretty cool. This is only for my work clothes though so I'm appropriately dressed. Outside of work it's pretty much jeans and whatever t-shirt feels comfy. I wore sweatpants, Timberland boots, and a t-shirt on my last date so clearly I need the help and it avoids the whole shopping experience
Last edited by soloha on 15 Aug 2017, 4:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
StampySquiddyFan
Veteran
Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,754
Location: Stampy's Lovely World
That sounds so cool. I need one of those personal fashion consultants- my mom is so fed up with me because I refuse to wear just about everything .
They probably hate me. You can give them constraints about what you will wear. I like plaid. And I have forbidden them from many colors and fabrics. They have to work within my limitations. They send pictures before they actually send the stuff and you can make them swap things out if you don't like the way it looks. And when the clothes arrive if you don't like the way they feel you just put them back in the bag and return them for free. They don't charge until after the try on periods ends. Oh and they do "outfits" I can log into the website and look at the pictures of which things go together. It's pretty cool
Wow, they would probably hate me as well! I am now limited to only one particular type of fabric, which they don't make in my size apparently .
_________________
Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!
Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine
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