I sense the hopelessness that some of you have, some of it from my own experiences, and it grips my heart. So I just want to point out a few things.
First, you can't expect to always have the same amount of friends later in life like you may have had at any point of time in school. I'm not sure it really works that way for anyone except a few socialites.
Second, one good friend is worth more than 10 worthless or mediocre friends. It took me a long time to find that person. I even prayed for it! But even after I found that great friend, after 8 years, we parted. My conclusion is simply "it happens". He has gone through a lot in the last 8 years and perhaps needs to find his own conclusions without me. I was his absolute best friend, but yet I could always tell that there was still a reservation somewhere deep inside of him. He compartmentalized me. It was great while it lasted and I was happy to have met him and been able to share myself with him for that long. But his loyalties to me were not the same as mine to him and eventually it rifted our relationship. I was devastated for quite some time. I just try to be understanding regardless of whether or not I get it in return... and I know that at least I'm better off for it.
It just seems like there are seasons in life... and its up to us to learn from those seasons - good and bad. I have definitely improved my social skills over the years. I've found that my personal key to happiness is to be content with or without. Even the act of being able to relate to others on this board, though it ISN'T the same as a face to face friend, still means that I'm never truly alone. So my chin is up. Depression just isn't worth my time anymore and anymore I just mentally do a "talk to the hand" gesture to it. I just refuse to be depressed. A diagnosis is a diagnosis, but a my decisions determine the course of my life regardless of that.
Anyway, I hope I wasn't ranting. I just wanted to give you all a few things to ponder.
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Have fun being you!
24 Apr 2009, 2:33 am
