My observations about physical attractiveness and arrogance

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I've been single for a long time, and during that time, I've made observations to try and understand the whole nature of romantic love.
It has always been a curiosity of mine and I am trying to learn more about this whole ordeal.

One of the observations I have made deals with the physical attractiveness of females vs. the level of kindness and friendliness of females. Although this is not true in ALL cases, I do seem something of a trend with these two variables, although my observation are NOT fact, but my own subjective opinions and thoughts.

I believe there is a common trend that the more attractive a girl is physically, the more likely she will be arrogant and less inclined to want to date nice guys, but will prefer more challenging cases to take on. I also believe that the less attractive a girl is, the more likely she will be more humble and kind, and thus will seek out nice guys as romantic companions.

Now I will make a disclaimer, what I said is not cut and dry, black and white fact. There will always be exceptions to this, however few or many they might be, but I do think there is a consistent trend, although not true of all, seems to be true of many. For instance, one of my old best friends was an extremely attractive girl, and she was as kind and friendly as can be. Like I said, it is strictly my observations.

I also have a theory as to why this occurs. I think that very attractive girls have a tendency to be arrogant and full of themselves because of one reason: they think they are beautiful and therefore are attractive and have worth romantically. That is the whole premise of their arrogance, they know that guys will slobber over them, so what's the point of being nice and friendly? If guys come after you all the time, you can bypass a lot of the other stuff. Nice guys will go after you as well as jerks and confident guys, so you will pick the more interesting option, guys who are playful and unorthodox. I have a saying concerning attractive girls- "The loveliest roses will always have the sharpest thorns".

As for girls that are typically deemed as "unattractive" and undesirable romantically, I theorize that they know rejection, very much like us Aspies. They have felt the sting of rejection and of being ignored, and thus it has humbled them to a large degree, in the same manner it humbles us. Thus, they understand what it is like to be alone and therefore appreciate people who are kind and nice, who are not full of themselves, which they find attractive. After all, what else is there to lose if no one finds you attractive?

These are my observations. So what are your individual thoughts and ideas concerning this subject? I'd like to hear your thoughts.

or maybe they just haven't matured yet...

The more attractive a woman is, the more likely she is to be 'hit on', with all that implies. After a while, it loses its novelty. In time, it becomes a bit of an annoyance.

Now some women will let this go to their head. They see guys as just 'too easy', and it tends to take away the part where the guy wants her for herself, rather than she has a good %^&...

Some women get over that, and can be sweet and beautiful at the same time. Ironically, there are even some beautiful women who are lonely because guys are too intimidated by them to approach them.

Read on for further musings by the WP crew...

so you're 'unattractive' and therefore 'nice'?

I'm a little confused about attractive as some girls are real made up and some girls are auh..naturale....meaning they're not ugly just not primped up.

I can guess it's because hot girls get to have more choices in the matter of relationships...but I don't think it's just looks (and yes they do help a great deal in the mating game)...but also their self-esteem, psychological aspects, boundaries, interests, personality, and so on. I don't think they all fit into one box but yes attractive people in general get to be selective....even guys.

But as I said...and this may be because I'm female....I have trouble making destinctions between hot and just attractive. Even guys pimp themselves out and yet I find some guys who don't fit into this social construct of attractive...attractive. And no, I'm not indicating just the personality but looks as well.

I guess for guys it's either hot or not...I don't know but guys have always baffled me with their ideals of attractiveness.

What if the "unattractive" girl has a high IQ or is in a high earning career?

what makes you nice?

That could be considered one of the many exceptions.




I agree with the OP. It is a generalization that fits a large percentage situations.

Too me, from my observations of life around me, it seems the more attention you get from the opposite sex, the more your time gets divided and divided and subdivided, until it's impossible to got through the whole dating thing with every single guy that approaches you.

This, I believe is where the "arrogance" (as you call it) comes in, the girl has no other option than to start shutting down people from the outset, as she literally does not have the time and resources to give every guy an equal opportunity.

This doesn't mean that the girl is necessarily shallow, or arrogant, or nasty.

I am also thoroughly convinced that the whole "nice guys" thing is a myth. Guys who haven't succeeded call them "nice guys" and the guys that did succeed "arrogant pricks" to make themselves feel better, rather than actually looking at where they could improve their approach.

Every guy is unique and different and an INDIVIDUAL, and every guy has some varying propensity for being nice and being nasty.

Lately, there's nothing that irritates me more than a guy who subdivides the male species into "nice guys" (who are all the shy, less forward guys) and "as*holes" (who are all the confident guys). It's just so narrow minded.

Sometimes the "nice guy" just isn't that attractive. You should be nice and all, but you also have to be masculine.

Still, I agree that arrogance and beauty often coincide. How could they not?

A "nice guy" is just a label. A real "nice guy" wouldn't go around saying he is a nice guy. Ironically, I find the guys who go around saying that they are a nice guy are usually the arrogant/up themselves guys. Take note guys: saying you're a "nice guy" is only going to get you demerit points.

Show, don't tell. Demonstrate your character through your actions.

i'm so screwed XD

Attractive girls usually know it, fat and ugly chicks are usually desperate. Harsh, but for the most part true.

You make some good points sunshower, and if your avatar is a picture of you, it warants credibility in what you say. What I conclude from this, is that it all comes down to salesmanship...

Being born a beautifull women is very much like winning the lottery, or even more acurately, being born rich. You are going to get an avalanch of offers, more offers than you rationaly cope with. So what determines your choice of purchase then, stops being the actual quality of the good you are aquiring, and instead becomes the quality of salesmanship.

Now for the salesman, one person's money is as good as another's and if he is good, he is (1)persistent, (2)has a high tolerance for failure (which is different from confidence though similar in apearance) and lastly and leastly (3) has adequate sales technique. So, the guy that gets the pretty girl is the one who will be the least discriminant about which pretty girl and most doggedly persues of all of them. So, ironically, the guy that is best at making a woman feel special is the one who treats none of them especialy different from another. In time, a woman begins to realize that she is being sold a bill of goods and despairs that she can't find quality - and so, she begins to turn down men just because they arn't expensive enough. The logic being that if they are not expensive, they are not quality and the nicer fellows (i.e the less expensive ones) get discarded out of hand.

So how is a pretty girl to get a decent fellow for a good price? The same way a rich person does, by hiding the fact that they are rich. If you don't reak of money, you won't be mobbed by salesmen and then you can browse at your leasure... But, if all their is to you is money, you will never hide it...

Lots of good analysis here --

One thing I would point out is that age is also a big factor here, with many women, even the "arrogant" ones, getting more and more humility the closer they get to 30 and past that.

As I've stated in a lot of other posts, there's somewhat of a power imbalance in male-female relationships in the teen and very early 20s. Women mature earlier both physically and mentally, and are basically "ahead" of many of their same-age male peers. Men eventually catch up in their early 20s, but until that point, are operating at a disadvantage.

The other issue is that most people in their teens (we're talking middle-class first world residents here, not child farmers in Nigeria) do not have assets other than their looks and their intelligence/personality, being fairly dependent on their parents until they leave college (and sometimes beyond that). Since we've already established men are somewhat deficient compared to their same-age female peers during that period, women gravitate to guys who either are older and more mature, or act that way.

Meanwhile, men are more interested in sex at this age than women. Attractive women learn very early on they have a sort of "currency" they can use, but it's double-edged. As someone else mentioned, it starts to become old very quickly when everyone is approaching you and bothering you because of your looks, and not bothering with the person inside. This is probably why women who are especially pretty react more to a guy who doesn't seem interested in them -- right away, he has set himself apart from the pack. They don't need someone to tell them they are pretty, everyone is doing that already -- they need someone to actually be interested in them as a person, or to at least be a challenge.

Once everyone gets out of the college age though, all bets are off. Women tend to be more strategic in who they pick for a long-term partner, tending to pick guys who have good job prospects, personality traits, etc., and don't weigh looks in as strongly. Men don't tend to find the woman's job as important, but are interested in looks, health --- signs that the woman is fertile (this may be subconscious) and that she could live to raise good, healthy children.

Women start getting a lot less picky about looks and other things the closer they get to 30, when their fertility starts declining. Men don't really lose fertility, so in the end, they have literally the whole age range to choose from, especially considering that the older they get, the more assets they have, and the more valuable they are as a mate.

So don't despair about the arrogant girls -- it more than equalizes at the end.

In my experience I've actually found that the ugly chicks are actually more likely to have a boyfriend. When I was still looking I was once told to lower my expectations and came to the discovery that damn near all of the ugly ones were already taken. I went on facebook to investigate and did some browsing and noticed that the less physically attractive a girl was, the more likely she was to not be single. Maybe it's because ugly chicks are easier to approach for most guys. Maybe that's just affected by my view of attractiveness which may be different from other guys'.

So if you're a single female and unhappy about it, take heart. Look on the bright side, it probably means that you're hot.

Arrogance is bliss. Instead of being jealous of others' arrogance, just become arrogant yourself.