Whenever I work at a job, my coworkers always drop a hint(subtly, or non-subtly), that I should volunteer to work overtime because it will get me on the "good-side" of the boss. First of all, I find the concept of being on someone's "good-side" to be extremely vague, and I actually take a perverse pleasure in fighting the system, in a mild way. To be more clear, if I'm working somewhere, I can't just go with the flow, obey orders, understand and carry out everything, get along with all my coworkers, and function appropriately, much less understand all of the subtle hints they try and drop, such as the "extra" things I need to to to stay employed there, such as work overtime. My main motivation in life is to accumulate as much FreeTIME as possible to do the activities that matter to me; not to make money or to please people. Working overtime directly impinges on my routine and the things I need to do to maintain my equilibrium, which is unacceptable. Extra money is not important to me.
I was born into a family built around strong 1950's values. My mother and my sister are two people whos' main goal in life is to please people. All that they think about and all that they do is directly related to how they can please people, such as boss or grandma. This has some upside, because occasionally they do spontaneous gestures of kindness towards me like bake cookies or whatever, which I like. Unfortunately, when I grew up, my mother tried to pound a value system into my head that stated that my whole purpose in life was to satisfy the people in charge of me, such as my boss. She imparted to me that meeting my own needs and wants was only secondary. My responsibility was to make as much money as possible to provide for my future family and work like a dog for 12 hours a day to take care of my wife and kids. She tought me that I had to scurry and do everything short of brownnose to "move up the ladder" at my future job. These standards, of course I detest and I did not respect them.
As I entered middle school and my developmental differences became more pronounced, my mother increasingly grew frustrated with the fact that I was not turning into the type of adult that she had envisioned me to become. I refused, initially, to go out and acquire a typical teen job. I failed to socially develop at school and I had no friends or activities. I was failing all of my classes except for history and by the time I was 14 I was the antithesis of what my mother wanted me to be. She could not entice me with monetary offers to get me to perform to her standard. It of course, never occured to me to do nice things to "butter her up" to get on her good side. The only positive thing that she could promise me to get me to do anything was to offer me more free time to pursue my interests. More often than not, however, she had my dad take the lash to me or she would ground me from my computer and books and order me outside to play with "friends". The only thing that could motivate me to do anything were promises of down time, which I had none of in those days. My mother used all of my time to try and "fix" me.
10 years later, after I was diagnosed, I was getting out of the army and was at WMAC hospital at Ft. Bragg in a focus group. I was sitting in a circle with 20 other Army guys in their early twenties and the group therapist asked us all a question, "What is the main motivating factor in your life?" To a man, every one of them responded with, "Money." I was the last one to answer and I went into a long statement about how all I really cared about was having enough down time to do my activities and that I really didn't care what my income was as long as I was able to satisfy my basic needs. Everyone there looked at me like I was crazy. It was then I realized that I am an anachronism and that I will never have any success in this world. All of my NT peers care about is making money and pleasing people, the basic difference that ensures that I will always be last hired and first fired. Employers do not want individuals who are only motivated to get off-days.
I am not enthusiastic about work. My only motivation is to get home so I can relax. They say that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. But my interests are the only things that matter to me. I just cringe whenever a coworker gives me helpful "advice." I won't work overtime and I won't kiss anyone's @$$, and if I get fired 1000 times, than so be it. Fitting in or meeting an arbitrary standard doesn't matter to me anymore.
14 Apr 2009, 1:27 am
although for just another top gem world class fire agate i might get motivated like a mother to do something productive
