AS support group: A Let Down

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Hi there. I followed up on a link for a local group for the autism/asperger's spectrum. I won't disclose where this was, because for all I know one of those people comes here to these boards. I guess I was slightly disappointed. I've never met another Aspie in person (probably have, but didn't know.) Anyway, I didn't get my hopes up TOO much, but I was hoping to at least meet someone who'd relate to my situations, and have some advice, or at least be able to commiserate. Well, upon entering the house at which it was hosted, there didn't seem to be much interest in speaking- several of them sat in front of the TV, and about six of them sat at the dining room table, engrossed in a Yugio game, almost oblivious to me when I introduced myself. I later joined a very fun board game on the back porch, and there was plenty of discussion, but not between the players themselves- they just kept announcing their answers and talking over each other, usually oblivious to eachother's attempts to communicate.

Now this get together was autism/asperger's syndrome, not just AS, so it's possible the people who seemed oblivious to even common courtesy had Autism. So tell me, for this of you who have or know people with AS, is this typical? Or am I being far too judgmental?

Judging from what I've read on these boards, I had every reason to expect a little more normalcy- a lot of you guys are intensely insightful and funny. Maybe they're only that way in typing?

PS: The host was a doll of a woman, and some of the older folks were wonderful to talk to.

It doesn't happen in our group because one of our rules is that only one person talks at a time. We have a good group faciliator and she comes up with a topic each week for us to discuss.

The groups I have gone to here weren't like that. Same as the one Whitetiger goes too, we all take turns talking (I don't mean we both go to the same group). It's so hard for me to not talk. Everyone seems to come off as normal and lot of them live on their own or have a job. There are about three in one of the groups who live in a group home and they get a ride there. Some of them even have kids too.

Sounds typical to me when there's no set routine that everyone has to adhere to.

Spontaneous socialising isn't the greatest aspect of people with AS, even in the highest functioning cases; it's probably non-existent as a norm, unless someone thinks the one-sided type of interaction that's common amongst the highest functioning individuals is adequate.

im not going to any in my area. i have a feeling muchansens goes there and i dont need to have some knowitall nitwit psychoanalize me and then come back here and be like, "he doesnt have aspergers" he has whatever. and its not like i care what people think about me, i just dont want to even be put in a situation like that. so i'll stick to myself, but if i ever move out of this town i'd be happy to go to support groups. but god dude you just made them sound more awful than i already imagined them

Sounds like my house lol

it sounds like the 'facilitators' have the idea it should be a 'social gathering' NT style. It sounds like a cocktail party without the cocktails (or the party). I have gone to some Spectrum gatherings and they are sit at a table and discuss the topics sort of things. "Mixers" just dosn't seem the type of format we would be drawn to.

Merle

I am in a class for Aspies and I am far ahead of everyone else, and even my teacher says that.
They constantly talk over each other, some don't know when to stop talking(This kid Michael gets in trouble so much), and they are much different than me. Although I am friends with most of them.(12 kids).
My class is a just Aspergers, not an Autism one.

Maybe your just very mild Aspergers like me.

I'm a member of two local AS groups, one of which I'm a titular organizer for, and I can definitely relate to the difficulties in dealing with aspies in any number. It's a real balancing act trying to both let everyone have a chance to participate, yet still politely cut someone off who's starting to "monologue" or take the conversation of on a 90 degree tangent. "My" group is run very loosely, we show up with food, everyone sits down to eat, and we just sort of let the conversation go where it will without any sort of set agenda, it works better than you might think, since one of my co-organizers is used to running meetings at work and functions as our moderator and conversation move-alonger. The other groups I go to is rigidly structured and regimented, with executive committees and rule books and attendance policies, all that minutiae that fascinates certain aspies. That sort of thing isn't so much my style, but that group meets much more often and I like the people in it, so I tolerate the micromanaging and try to steer the groups towards a bit looser structure, without imposing too much of my own imprint on it. Incidentally, anyone in the Seattle area who is interested in a free AS group should feel free to check out my group The Square Peg Social Club, and if structure is more your thing I can put you in touch with the leadership of the Seattle Neotypicals, who currently don't have a web presence but generally welcome guests and prospective new members. AS groups can be a lot of fun, but sometimes you really have to try a few different ones out to find a good fit, or start your own, it's not too difficult with sites like Meetup.com, though it can take a while to build up a steady membership.

I haven't tried one yet. I think the nearest one is about 50 miles away. The area I'm in tends to be stuck in the past, on a lot of issues, beyond just Aspergers/Autism. I have to state my IQ first before I tell people around here I have Aspergers and what its a form of, otherwise they'll say " So you're mentally ret*d." With the way I do it now, they simply get confused, then I explain to them Autism and retardation are not the same thing, though some people do have both.

It is not typical of the people I know. I don't know if there is any "typical" for ASD people but the ones I know, admittedly they are extremely high-functioning people, but it does not sound like they would fit in there, nor do I think I would.


At first when I read this I thought I didn't agree, but I guess I don't engage in "spontaneous" socializing much at all.

I'm not sure about the other people I know (in real life) with AS because I have either met them in a group for people with AS or in one instance in a group for people interested in the same topic, which happens to be an (the biggest) obsession for both of us. I don't know if that really counts as "spontaneous."

For some reason I think that even in an AS group I won't talk much.

I went to an AS/Autism group once

CaptainTrips222,

I hate to say it, but I had the same expectation and experience. Oh well. If I knew where it was, in a busy city with streets designed by an IDIOT, I wouldn't have bothered. I ended up nearly getting into another accident after getting into one because I was running late, there was a lot of traffic, etc....

The people seemed nice enough, etc... but there was no impetus to have ANY discussion, etc... And, after all, THAT is what such a group REALLY needs.

I WOULD have tried again, but I avoid such poorly designed streets, You know the type! Designed for a sleep town of decent drivers, but in a town with TONS of drivers breaking every law in the book. Even POLICE were there to cause trouble, weaving in and out, etc.... And TONS of one way streets when they should have been normal streets.

To add,

It sounds like quite an erroneous expectation to have of people who have a marked social impairment, whatever the label they have. It's good that many were able to play a card/board game together, even if reciprocal social interaction wasn't there. I'd actually much rather this personally than the moderator asking people questions and having to talk out loud one's answer [as I don't get much practice talking and my voice is hard to understand for people].

If you feel like talking about your problems to someone and desire advice in person, it's probably better to see some form of therapist.

That's why I don't like meetings with "Aspie/Autie people only". Either everybody ends up sitting in corners and not communicating at all or the meeting is all overstructured without a possibility to communicate one-on-one with people I find particularly interesting. And I'm so NOT good at group conversation with a moderator. I hate talking to more than one person at the same time, even if they take turns talking. Conversation is always less intense that way.
To most parties at my place, I invite all my friends, people on the spectrum as well as neurotypical people.
What made me really sad is that while my NT friends were all being friendly and tolerant and trying to include everyone, some of my AS friends didn't want any contact with them simply because of some predjudice about NTs all being superficial and unfriendly.

Last edited by Eller on 19 Apr 2009, 7:08 am, edited 1 time in total.