SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL FLIRTING by GroovyDruid

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danlo
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09 Jan 2006, 10:38 pm

Steve_Cory wrote:

You know what I'm sick and tired of?
No one quoates me as much as they should. I have some great and mighty things to say, and I thank... the two... people who have managed to quote me so far in these forums. Crap man. I offered the strongest advice: TAKE CHANCES. MAKE EYE-CONTACT. It's not hard after you get practice. There is no special code to go by. It is a mixture of the TWO I stated.

Steve_Cory wrote:

But my advice is golden. All should appreciate that I have taken time to come on this thread and share my wisdom. If you all opened your hearts, you would see just how wise I am.

You know, I'm going to indulge you and quote you. People, this is a great example of cockiness gone too far. A certain amount of egocentricity and cockiness is good, when you can use it with humor and take the micky out of yourself. Like knowing that you're not always right, saying it with a straight face but making your voice drip with sarcasm, and then following it up with a slight smile. When you go over the top like this, it's a really really big turnoff, and noone likes you. Watch it, and keep it in check.

cheesecheese
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09 Jan 2006, 11:27 pm

Overconfidence is just as bad as no confidence. Very unattractive! A happy medium must be struck.

GroovyDruid
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10 Jan 2006, 1:55 am

danlo wrote:

The trouble, I think, is that you're telling Aspies things about a lifestyle most would never be able to handle. It is very situation dependent. Girls typically in the bar and club scene aren't like that.

The scenario I used was a party, not a bar or club. Parties are a good place to meet women. Clubs are the WORST place in the world (I'll explain why later, if anyone is interested). Bars are better, but I rarely go there. The clientelle aren't usually that hot, literally or figuratively.

Really, you have to read this article and glean the modus operadi in it. There is an awareness that I'm trying to detail so that aspies can have more success, whether they meet women in book stores, anime clubs, bars, grocery stores, etc. The SYSTEM is the same. You use the same moves, same principles. It has nothing specific to the "BAR" scene in it, except that I mentioned there happened to be a bar there.

_________________
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.

--Goethe

GroovyDruid
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10 Jan 2006, 1:59 am

Javid wrote:

Agreed @ danlo. I would love a guide relating to normal activities rather than bars/clubs, since I will probably never voluntarily go into one in my entire life.

Then I suggest you go get those books I recommened at the end of the article. They are cheap, and it will be the best money you ever spent, believe me. I simply can't go through all the information in this limited format.

_________________
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.

--Goethe

GroovyDruid
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10 Jan 2006, 2:05 am

ELLCIM wrote:

Now you did say to take her by the arm. So, assuming we are standing side by side, how does the ritual really work? Do I turn 45 degrees towards her, then take both arms and gently pull her to me? Or is it something different than that? I'd like a step-by-step guide on this part, since it is so important to not screw up! Once I have her close do I let go of the arms and her completely, do I keep on the arms for the kiss, or do I put my arms around her waist for the kiss?

Yes, I understand....

Every situation is different. Hard to formuate rules or steps for this one. You know what I would recommend? Watching romantic movies. Pay attention to the "first kiss" scenes. They actually do a good job of portraying women's expectations there. (In fact, they kind of FORMULATE women's expectations, in a way.)

You'll make some mistakes, but keep a light heart and be ready to laugh at yourself and enjoy it. Pulling off the first kiss gets easier and easier with practice. And don't worry about screwing up. The kiss part is much easier than all the manuevering leading up to it.

_________________
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.

--Goethe

danlo
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10 Jan 2006, 3:00 am

GroovyDruid wrote:

Same deal, Groovy. You're giving them an example that most don't/won't experience. It's all fine and well to say it's just an example, it's the ideas they should take from it. But there's one thing you should know about Aspies: If they aren't given a how-to guide on a situation by situation basis, most will fail, and then most of them won't pick themselves back up and try again. Personally, I just think you're giving them false hope. Do this this and this and you'll succeed. Truth is, there's too many variables for them to keep track of in their heads. They shouldn't be learning by formulas, they should learn by imitation.

GroovyDruid wrote:

Really, you have to read this article and glean the modus operadi in it. There is an awareness that I'm trying to detail so that aspies can have more success, whether they meet women in book stores, anime clubs, bars, grocery stores, etc. The SYSTEM is the same. You use the same moves, same principles. It has nothing specific to the "BAR" scene in it, except that I mentioned there happened to be a bar there.

True, you have outlined some of the principles, but you're forgetting something. Each woman is an individual, she will like different types of men, respond to different approaches, have a different personality. Just because she holds your gaze doesn't tell you what approach to use, or what pushes her buttons. There are a lot more clues for you to read, not to mention different methods of approach. The method of approach really is the big deal.

ELLCIM
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10 Jan 2006, 5:54 pm

Well I got myself a lunch date for tomorrow. She has been talking about having lunch for some time now and she's the one who touched me on the chest once, as well on on the arm. This could be interesting. She's hot too.

GroovyDruid
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10 Jan 2006, 8:00 pm

danlo wrote:

GroovyDruid wrote:

I'm unwilling to reply to the contents of your post. I find your tone condescending.

I'll tell you this, though: I put in a lot of hard work to research and publish articles on kinesics to help my aspie brethren raise their standard of life. I don't get paid a cent. Heck, I don't even get it published under my real name. I do it because I've found ONE thing I think can really help.

And you know what? It has. I've gotten more PMs than I can count from aspies telling me how much they've enjoyed using the material in the articles. I've had THOUSANDS of reads on the articles. I've had guys and gals tell me they've gotten dates using these techniques to express their true feelings and to read the feelings of others. False hope? I don't think so.

So here's a solution for the both of us:

Stop reading my articles. PLEASE stop reading my articles.

You don't have to read the info if you don't find it useful. Meanwhile, others do, so let them have their success.

_________________
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.

--Goethe

GroovyDruid
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10 Jan 2006, 8:06 pm

ELLCIM wrote:

Awesome, ELLCIM. That's courage!

Remember your small-talk technique, and have a great time!

_________________
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.

--Goethe

quietangel
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10 Jan 2006, 9:08 pm

Javid wrote:

My local library has none of the recommended books

Javid... have you tried speaking with the staff and having them order the book for you? I just received a book from my library that they got loaned from another library. They are usually very willing to do intralibrary loans like that. It is worth checking on.

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Just call me "Miss Communication"

ELLCIM
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10 Jan 2006, 10:18 pm

GroovyDruid wrote:

ELLCIM wrote:

Awesome, ELLCIM. That's courage!

Remember your small-talk technique, and have a great time!

She had to cancel for tomorrow unfortunately due to a sudden family situation that arose. She was really apologetic and was willing to look at a time next week. So I'm cool with that.

GroovyDruid
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11 Jan 2006, 1:48 am

ELLCIM wrote:

GroovyDruid wrote:

ELLCIM wrote:

Awesome, ELLCIM. That's courage!

Remember your small-talk technique, and have a great time!

She had to cancel for tomorrow unfortunately due to a sudden family situation that arose. She was really apologetic and was willing to look at a time next week. So I'm cool with that.

Good! Keep your cool. Aspies have a tendency to come across as over eager/stalker-ish. If you're cool and reschedule with ease, then you seem that much more desireable.

_________________
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.

--Goethe

GroovyDruid
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11 Jan 2006, 1:51 am

quietangel wrote:

Excellent idea.

Certain books the library may not have. I'd be surprised if they have The System, by Roy Valentine. It's not really a "decent" book (you can read my review of this book on my blog)/column). It's only $12 on Amazon, though, and if you can spare it, it's worth buying any one of those I recommended. They're tops, and you'll probably want to refer to them again.

_________________
Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can do,
Begin it.
Boldness has genius,
Power and magic in it.

--Goethe

Lonermutant
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11 Jan 2006, 2:25 am

Are you sure it was a "sudden familiy situation" or maybe she just got cold feet going out?

ELLCIM wrote:

GroovyDruid wrote:

ELLCIM wrote:

Awesome, ELLCIM. That's courage!

Remember your small-talk technique, and have a great time!

She had to cancel for tomorrow unfortunately due to a sudden family situation that arose. She was really apologetic and was willing to look at a time next week. So I'm cool with that.

ELLCIM
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11 Jan 2006, 7:07 am

Lonermutant wrote:

Are you sure it was a "sudden familiy situation" or maybe she just got cold feet going out?

Nope, those were just my words - it was a case of her sister decided to come to town on the train and since she doesn't have a car she needs someone to drive her around today for various errands. My time is tight on Wednesdays so I couldn't fit in for today. This is a valid explanation - I didn't detect my friend was hiding anything. If a girl isn't interested they usually have a very vague excuse.

In any case, it is important to give the girl the benefit of the doubt and be cool about it.

AbominableSnoCone
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16 Jan 2006, 6:01 pm

I guess my question is, where would you suggest one goes to learn their kinesics? Did you get books on it through amazon? Like this one? http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159257 ... e&n=283155
Any ideas on how we can figure out which books are the best? Amazon user reviews aren't usually all that accurate

Or would you suggest one takes a course like this one? http://www.dalecarnegie.com/about_us/about_us.jsp
Dad told me it'd be a good idea for me to take it... I told him I was already pretty good at the stiff business-like conversation, it was being relaxed and casual that I sucked at. He said that it wasn't all about business and could apply to the social world pretty well... any thoughts on organizations like that?

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