Constantly ignored?

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I don't mean in the sense of wanting constant attention, either. I am coming to accept that I am not relationship material and have absolutely nothing to offer in that respect. But I can't even talk to people with any success. It's like if there's a group discussion going on, I am ignored if I try to join in. Nobody else has that problem if they try and join in, though.

One to one, people just find the quickest excuse to get away. This happens no matter what the situation is or where it take place. I don't know how to have a conversation, and despite trying for a long time, I'm still not learning anything. It's hard to understand why, because as far as I'm aware, there's nothing that should set off alarm bells for anyone if they see me at first glance.

It'd be nice to understand why, but I don't think that's going to happen. Most people seem to be content giving smart arse responses because they don't have this problem and socialising comes so easily to them.

everyone is datable. i see low functional aspie guys who I feel there is some girl out there who would take them. still, it boils down to meeting women, being nice and pleasent to them, being interested in them, and just waiting until you find a woman who likes you for who you are and for whom you don't have to change to be with her. of course, it requires effort, but ultimately you are looking for acceptance.

I'm constantly ignored too. You're not fun when you're different and therefore not interesting to learn from, hear ideas and comments and news from. You're on another wavelength and can't enrich their lives with the things they find enriching. One important thing is that we're disconnected from others, so we don't give people a feeling that connecting to us connects them more to people in general.

I feel the same way, and each time I'm ignored or my presence is devalued it makes me want to join in less and less. I keep thinking I can't have any less self-confidence and then I get knocked down further. People don't realise how hard socialising is for me and just assume have no interest in talking to them.

I feel this way too. The thing is, I am ignored when I want to interact with others yet when I want to be left alone I am constantly bothered by people.

All very true in general. In my view of the world as a logical system, it's a fundamental axiom that in order to not be ignored by the general populace you have to be "interesting" enough, where "interesting" is some sort of defined measurable quantity.

The trouble comes when you try to measure what exactly constitutes a unit of "interesting".

Remember, though, that the mass of people that surround you have choice when it comes to whom they want to interact with. Most particularly, once you make it so far through high school, the people that surround you can effectively hang out with whomever, whenever. So they'll hang out with preexisting friends. Or, if none of those exist - such as may happen in situations like entering college for the first time, provided they don't know people already (a very rare occurence, i think) - there's just so many people around that it's not about finding warm bodies that breathe, but finding people that have a core minimum set of experiences and social skills.

Being on "another wavelength" is a fantastic analogy. But then, seeing there are so many people that are on your typical person's wavelength, we as humanity really have little reason to be able to absorb any other frequencies of radiation. 'Tis sad, but you live with it because it won't change.

Welcome to my world.

I like to think that there is someone out there for everyone, but I really don't buy into that too much.

For anyone, it's a matter of finding someone compatible. For someone with AS, it's a matter of finding someone who will love you with the impact AS brings to the relationship.

My mom knew from meeting my dad's mom how my dad would likely be in his older age (personality-wise). She married him in spite of that, and he's indeed about as bad as his mom was.

Likewise, I need to meet a woman I like who can deal with how AS affects my ability to emote and show affection. The first part might be a tall order unto itself. I don't know about the rest.

i am not ignored as much as i would like to be.

some people are uncertain and irresolute in their consciousness. they feel insecure and ungrounded. they feel like a snow flake blowing in the winds of precarious chance.
this type of person usually latches on to me and i have a hard time getting rid of them.

not that i want to get rid of them. i feel so bad when i think of how they must feel, but they can not be like me just by being near me, so they should go and find another way.

like when someone i have known in a formal sense gets talking to me, and i open up to them, they become overwhelmed because they see someone they never dreamed was in me.

they seem to want to be near me and ring me up and come over. i always entertain myself thoroughly, and that is what these people can not do for themselves.
i think they are bored sh*tless in their own company, and i feel like i have no obstacles when i am alone.

i think subconsciously, they want to be as happy with themselves as i am with me, and they hang around and need to contact me for some sort of support for their "whatever is going through their head".

i am not interested in their boring life and they bring me down by confusing matters when they are here with me.

i know i know i know i am a very lizardlike personality, but i can not pretend to be what i am not (empathetic and warm).

but it makes me unhappy to have to hurt their feelings by telling them to go. i get kind of cranky at them for giving me that feeling. but after they are gone, the air is clear, and i can breathe unrestrained.

sometimes they look disappointed and have comical expressions on their faces, and that makes me laugh.
if they get angry about me laughing at them, then they must go even quicker.


in writing i am ignored though. like on forums. but that is because typing is cumbersome, so people can not know who you are when you just type it.

Even though I'm relatively well adjusted and happy....I do not in any way enjoy being rejected and ignored...nor do I want, as you indicate, to be subjected to an increased amount of ignoring by others. That said, we aspergians aren't the easiest to get along with.

The only reason it doesn't bother me anymore is because I have established clear and unequivocal boundaries. Nonconformity is hardly a cause for being negatively judged. People can do as they please, but most of it doesn't interest me in the slightest. And I won't be exposed to their negativity longer than necessary. Of course there are always people you can't seem to get rid of...like nosey neighbors and obnoxious co-workers. I value my time. If others want to abuse it...well... generally speaking, it's not going to happen. A wave, an occasional smile....that's it. But I'll tolerate anyone willing to respect my life and my space. Including Jehovah Witnesses....them I do like, because they only judge your spiritual beliefs, not your social skills. If only they would learn to call first, before dropping by..

I'm a firm believer in developing self-esteem based upon what you want, not upon what others think you should be. And the whole issue of confidence needs to be personally evaluated, creatively designed, and strategized.

While I'm fairly happy with my life just as it is, I would love to complicate it with a few close friends.. or even a partner.. At this point I'm still diligently involved with not messing up my social encounters and making enemies of decent folk. Also trying to turn a couple acquaintances into buddies. Not breaking any records with that, but coming along...

rejection is not ignorance. it is deliberate. i do not like being asked to leave somewhere before i am ready (like when my dinner is not ready at the tavern)



you can not be subjected to ignorance. ignorance is a lack of attention and understanding, so you can not be subject to a lack of something.

to be subject to "ignorance" is better said to be "not subject to attention" (in my mind and i am not smart so i am not challenging you).



i do not know how other people with asperger syndrome are. i have never met one that i believe is confirmed. i would never talk on behalf of other people with AS. i would never say "we aspergians" because i feel totally isolated, and i have no concept of "we" in any fashion.
but i am not easy to get along with and that is correct.



i tell people they MUST ring me at least an hour before they come to my place or i will not let them in.
i tell everyone that likes me never to touch me. i have set boundaries too, and they obey them, but i am always relieved when they go home.



i will not be judged in anyway i believe from anyone. only i can judge myself. no different brain in a different skull can see what i see so they can not judge me.
their ideas will die with them when they die.


i do not care whether i like someone or not. if i want to be alone, then i do not want anyone to come near me. i feel totally unable to communicate often, but that makes me cranky because i think so well (in my mind), and i am made to feel silly because i can not communicate it into their heads.


sorry i am not really self confident, but i am complacent, and resistant to thinking any other way than i do.
i am stubborn i guess to the point where some people think i am confident. i am not unconfident, but i am also not confident.

i am just happy to ram my desired way of being into the world and hope they ignore it.



i need nothing more than i have.


(i hope this post does not come accross as defiant because i do not mean to be. i just thought i should respond because you responded to me)

b9, thanks for the reply.

When people deliberately ignore me, it feels like I've been subjected to their crappy/bad energy and negative judgment...though that may not always be the case. Like if they glance at you once and then prefer to just exclude you from whatever is going on. That's what I don't want more of. Or standing at a counter and the clerk waits on all the people who walked in behind you before waiting on you [and no one speaks up about you being ahead of them]...wtf..are you invisible? Also, I'd like to be more effective at recriprocating kindness to the helpful people in my life. They need to know I appreciate them...

..without going on and on about it. Just a few words of gratitude and sincere smile is good enough.

What blows me away is so many of the people here have been treated the same way. Do NTs have an aspie detecting radar or something?