to disclose or not to disclose: starting college this fall

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KiyokosOnlyOnigiri
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02 May 2009, 4:37 pm

I'd say you're walking a fine line. Of course, much depends on what kind of college he's going to.

Also, I may not understand what is going on (I'm going online, mostly because of my 'situation,' but I also live rurally), but maybe he could try off-campus housing without a roommate, and not at home, if it's possible budget-wise. Regarding handwriting, I would talk to someone about that, if it's possible without disclosing every little detail of his diagnosis. If not, you may want to disclose at least a little bit, but be careful - in some countries - okay, America - college shootings have been rumored to be by Aspies. It's not necessarily true, but others may think otherwise.


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notbrianna
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02 May 2009, 5:59 pm

happypuff wrote:
Remember there is always the option of not disclosing anything initially, and then later if needed, you could do so.

That's how I'm personally going through it anyway. Not disclosed to anyone official yet, will stay that way unless it will be largely beneficial due to a change in circumstance


I actually did something similar only the disability services people and my academic advisor knew but my prof.s all recieved letters telling them what traits to look for. When I entered my junior year I decided to disclose my diognosis in my letters to the faculty. It has worked fine for me, perhaps your son could do that.



MONKEY
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03 May 2009, 5:27 pm

androol wrote:
A question to others, does your school have an Aspies support group? Mine certainly doesn’t.


Mine doesn't have one specifically for aspies. but we do have the special educational needs register (or SEN for short), and the aspies get automatically get put on there anyway.
Our SEN register sucks though, because they put random people on there willy-nilly, because of things like "behaviour" or "emtional instability" and they always put the rough arses or naughty ones on there when they have nothing wrong with them, they're just arseholes. And if they re-organised the SEN register and left on the people that actually should be there (for example people with named disorders or actuall behaviour problems) the register would be much much shorter. And also the SEN department are very patronising and talk down to us like 3 year old chimpanzees.


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03 May 2009, 9:38 pm

Probably customer-itis. Probably as simple as that. I mean the cause, the cause is as simple as that.

To respond to this kind of situation, certainly not simple, especially when these are the people who are suppose to be helping you! Be matter-of-fact, try and prepare a single sentence to ask for your request all at once, rather than nimbling and working up to it. Go with a friend or family member if possible. That will often completely change the dynamic.



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04 May 2009, 1:04 am

MONKEY wrote:
And also the SEN department are very patronising and talk down to us like 3 year old chimpanzees.

Yes, the disability office at my university is exceedingly patronizing. Despite having seen my IQ scores and knowing that I was far and above her intellectual superior, the disability services coordinator continued to address me as though I were a mentally deficient kindergartner.


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androol
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04 May 2009, 2:22 am

well for me, the disability services center at my university was unable to help since they really didn't know how to except referring me to the counselling services center. The problem I have is communicating with people effectively. I do find when talking to some professors, they get frustrated.

I suppose where I'm from, when people get annoyed by someone, they simply exclude him/her. I'd much prefer the "baby-talk" than being ignored.



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04 May 2009, 9:48 pm

I would like to challenge you regarding something, Orwell. I will advance the thesis that being smarter does not in any way give a person extra democratic rights.

All I want is the ordinary rights any human being should get. This was brought home to me when I was working for Kroger grocery store in 1992. In an 8 hour shift, you got two fifteen minute breaks, no meal break. The breaks weren't that well organized, and often you went five hours in the middle. And if you needed to use the bathroom at any time during those five hours, the front end supervisor would occasionally give you a hard time. Now, some of the folks sacking groceries were mentally challenged individuals, which is fine, and initially this might have been a progressive policy, but it was clumsily administered, pretty much like everything else at Kroger's. However, it occurred to me, that even if I were mentally challenged, I ought not be given a hard time over going to the bathroom.

That all of us should have better jobs, etc, etc, more real opportunity. That the economic and social world should be more open. That our diversity is our strength. Man, if only that was true! If only people really followed that, and were really open to people who are different. The world would be a very different place.



zer0netgain
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05 May 2009, 5:50 am

Your son needs to learn to function like everyone else.

Schools have support systems for people with "special needs" but the world won't. Let him try. So long as he's not too proud to ask for help when he knows he needs it, he should be fine.



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05 May 2009, 10:15 am

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
I would like to challenge you regarding something, Orwell. I will advance the thesis that being smarter does not in any way give a person extra democratic rights.

Of course, I did not mean to imply otherwise. What I found frustrating was that I was addressed as though I were a simpleton, and the person doing so knew I was not a simpleton.


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05 May 2009, 11:41 pm

I would find that frustrating, too. In fact, it sounds like she needs to expand her social skills! Treating everyone the same, in a stilted, mechanical way, not really engaging with people, (speculating a little) all sending, no receiving, in a thoroughly perfectionist way, afraid of being judged and found wanting . . . My Oh My, this starts to sound a whole lot like Aspie communication style!

I have noticed with myself that I am sometimes better at a job than a "normal" person, but less good socially, which is often vague, understated, right-brain feel and texture, valuable, all valuable in its own right, just that it may not be my first language.

A job has some goal-oriented aspect, and I take it seriously. Many, many other people, both normal and otherwise, simply go through the motions regarding a job. When I worked at H&R Block, I took it seriously, especially trying to adequately disclose the RALs (Refund Anticipation Loans). Many of my fellow co-workers did not. The biggest aspect by far is that the bank will engage in "cross-collection," that is, third-party debt collection. I think a lot of people if they merely read about something don't really believe it until they see it happen, and fortunately this is rare, maybe 1% of Block clients, although when it happens, it is a body blow. People need to be informed in advance. At least try to have that conversation.