Girl texts me asking 'how many girls I've been with'

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NonlinearLuke
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29 Apr 2009, 3:24 pm

A girl I've been text messaging with asked me in a text message 'how many girls have you been with?'. I replied 'why do you ask?' Does this mean that my lack of sexual experience with women would be a turn-off to her? Why do you think she would ask this over a text message? Wouldn't we meet face-to-face before talking about such topics?


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ShadesOfMe
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29 Apr 2009, 3:48 pm

This is very strange. I don't know, I think girls who ask that kind of question, especially if they don't know you well, are rather skanky.



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29 Apr 2009, 3:50 pm

She might be interested in you, though I can't say for sure. Women can be tricky.


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Learning2Survive
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29 Apr 2009, 3:50 pm

My counselor says it is inappropriate (too soon) to ask this on your first dates. Text her "Let's meet face to face and you can all you want ;)" ?


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29 Apr 2009, 3:53 pm

IMO, the correct answer to her would be "None of your damn business".

If she persists, ask her if she have contracted any STD's or have any genetic disceases in her family :roll:


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Learning2Survive
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29 Apr 2009, 3:55 pm

It is a fine question to ask, it is just too soon. She likes you and wants to have sex with you. Make sure you carry a condom and practice putting it on, brother. Get to know her first. Tell her you like her and want to take things slow.


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amazon_television
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29 Apr 2009, 3:57 pm

She probably is asking via text message because it's just a matter of curiosity and something that's most likely not really a big deal to her. That's not to say she isn't making some kind of judgment based on your response though.

The question of "how many girls/dudes/whatever you've slept with" is a really interesting one because to a lot of people it can somehow simultaneously function as both small talk, and as an extremely loaded question that is subject to layers of interpretation. Sometimes it is asked with the implicit expectation that you will ask the same thing back, because for whatever reason she wants you to "know" how many people she's been with as well (I put it in quotations because it's a possibility that she will lie, and that she simply wants to get the lie out of the way).

That said, the tangible part of my advice is to ask her the same thing. It is, in my estimation, the only "universally acceptable and typical" part of any response to that question. Plus, her response will be telling, whether it's true or not.



Learning2Survive
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29 Apr 2009, 4:12 pm

maybe she suspects that you have not been with many girls? many she is a virgin?


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LordKristov
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29 Apr 2009, 4:12 pm

Call me old-fashioned, but I certainly do not think a text message is an appropriate place to be asking that kind of thing. Sounds like she's sizing you up, and "experience" is something she most likely is looking for.

Something like that is every bit as loaded as "what do you do?"


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29 Apr 2009, 4:18 pm

Learning2Survive wrote:
maybe she suspects that you have not been with many girls? many she is a virgin?


If she is asking that question via text message without ever having met him it's VERY unlikely that she is a virgin.



Willard
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29 Apr 2009, 4:49 pm

There was a time when a girl asking a guy a question like that would have been shockingly inappropriate, unless the two of them had already had an intimate relationship or were about to. One or both would have been humiliated that it even came up.

Times have changed. A lot of people do in fact consider that sort of thing small talk today, so I wouldn't read too much into it. Maybe she's just concerned that if you do hit it off and hook up, she wants some assessment of the STD risk. Probably the best answer is something along the lines of "I don't keep a list" (of course, that could also be interpreted as "So many I can't remember them all"). :twisted:

But before one begins throwing around names like 'skank', consider this: Maybe she's just very inexperienced herself and is intimidated by the idea of hooking up with a guy who's had a thousand chicks. She might be afraid that she'd embarrass herself by not knowing how to do all the things the guy took for granted. I have personally known women to express that concern several times (whether it was genuine or they were just playing coy, I don't know). But working in a business where college age customers come and go all the time, I can tell you the question isn't considered exceptionally personal or rude in any sense these days. It's common chit-chat.



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29 Apr 2009, 5:35 pm

ShadesOfMe wrote:
This is very strange. I don't know, I think girls who ask that kind of question, especially if they don't know you well, are rather skanky.


Wow, way to just insult half the female population.

This question could mean anything. It could mean she doesn't want to be with a virgin, it could be she doesn't want to be with a man-whore, it could mean she values a guy with experience because he'll be better for her in the bedroom, or it could even just be her wondering how many of girlfriends you've had out of sheer interest.

People, don't leap to conclusions like this.



iMark
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29 Apr 2009, 5:43 pm

she wants to know if you've been checked for aids or other stds before she wastes her time on meeting you.

move on.



Douglas_MacNeill
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29 Apr 2009, 5:52 pm

To be honest, we probably don't know any more than you
do about why she would text you a question like that.

"Why do you ask?" "Could you tell me more, please?"

Any questions along that line should be inside
the ballpark (of appropriate questions to ask in a
text message, or preferably face to face).



KenM
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29 Apr 2009, 6:20 pm

I would have texted back with another question "today?" :wink:



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29 Apr 2009, 6:50 pm

KenM wrote:
I would have texted back with another question "today?" :wink:


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

TBH I got stuck on the very first line of the OP. How on earth does one get to be in a 'texting' relationship with someone you've never ever met ? The 21st Century has overlapped me, and do I care?? I am getting old. Whatever.


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