Finding Me

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Thanks millie Yes, I have had a couple of meltdowns these last two weeks and i think you're probably spot on; there's way too many people and interaction, more than I can handle (which is one of the downsides of college) especially this year when I got stuck on one of the most social floors.. somehow..

It's really hard to get away, because people are constantly walking in and out of my room (when the door's shut they just open it), and even when I lock the door they knock until I open it. Every meal time I have an escort of at least 3 or more people, who "wait" until I'm ready to go so we can all go down together. When I purposefully sit at a table by myself, almost immediately several people will walk up and sit with me and goo "aaaw can't have you sitting all alone!" Every time I think I've finally escaped, I've locked myself in my room, it's the middle of the day so most people are at class, nearly every time someone ends up calling me on the stupid phone and I either have to hold a prolonged conversation, or they want me to go hang out with them and I have to hold a prolonged conversation just to talk myself off the hook. Or if one of my friends doesn't call, mum will and there's an even LONGER prolonged conversation; 'why haven't you called me for 3 days? I never hear from you'. At night there's always people begging me to come out drinking, "come out come out why won't you come out with us?" and when I finally shake them off they decide not to go out after all, and come and all sit in my room and drink and chat happily away.
To be honest, sometimes I feel like I'm a prisoner under constant escort and surveillance. And I have to act all pleasant and charming or everyone starts interrogating me "what's wrong, you look sad/upset, blah blah blah" which is more exhausting to deal with than just the general 'guard of honour'.

I think reading back over that I can understand where the meltdowns are coming from. What constantly astounds me is peoples dire need to constantly do EVERYTHING together. Walk places, eat meals, exercise, etc etc. It wouldn't bother me at all, except somehow I've become someone they NEED there with them for all of this. When I don't accompany I can see they hurt, they feel bereft. It's bizarre.

It's really hard to get away, because people are constantly walking in and out of my room (when the door's shut they just open it), and even when I lock the door they knock until I open it. Every meal time I have an escort of at least 3 or more people, who "wait" until I'm ready to go so we can all go down together. When I purposefully sit at a table by myself, almost immediately several people will walk up and sit with me and goo "aaaw can't have you sitting all alone!" Every time I think I've finally escaped, I've locked myself in my room, it's the middle of the day so most people are at class, nearly every time someone ends up calling me on the stupid phone and I either have to hold a prolonged conversation, or they want me to go hang out with them and I have to hold a prolonged conversation just to talk myself off the hook. Or if one of my friends doesn't call, mum will and there's an even LONGER prolonged conversation; 'why haven't you called me for 3 days? I never hear from you'. At night there's always people begging me to come out drinking, "come out come out why won't you come out with us?" and when I finally shake them off they decide not to go out after all, and come and all sit in my room and drink and chat happily away.
To be honest, sometimes I feel like I'm a prisoner under constant escort and surveillance. And I have to act all pleasant and charming or everyone starts interrogating me "what's wrong, you look sad/upset, blah blah blah" which is more exhausting to deal with than just the general 'guard of honour'.

I think reading back over that I can understand where the meltdowns are coming from. What constantly astounds me is peoples dire need to constantly do EVERYTHING together. Walk places, eat meals, exercise, etc etc. It wouldn't bother me at all, except somehow I've become someone they NEED there with them for all of this. When I don't accompany I can see they hurt, they feel bereft. It's bizarre.

Note on the door....
two options :

Please leave me be, I need some time to study....

or

f**k OFF WORLD...I NEED SOME SPACE.....

Option 3: "I am on retreat. Please do not disturb my meditation". (Risk: they will expect you to be really serene and someone will ask you to teach meditation.)

Instead of putting a sign on the door, when people get on your nerves, pull out a religious tract and earnestly tell them the good news. Scientology should be wacky enough to put off anyone. If someone asks for instruction anyway, report them to campus security.

Get a terrarium. Have a burrow with a big spider, hardly visible, or even nothing in the terrarium at all. Just say there is a spider. When people congregate in your room to grace you with their company, tell them they make the spider nervous. If they persist, peer into the burrow and say "She's not there! She must have gotten out!" Then put on a bright and slightly nervous smile, and say "But not to worry, she doesn't bite if you don't touch her, and if she bites, it takes hardly any time at all to heal. A week at most."

Stare out of the window and recite in a dull monotone a random list of boring objects. Knew a guy who did that when he wanted some space for himself in public. It worked a treat, he said, and he never mentioned getting locked up as a danger to the public, either, so you'll be perfectly safe.

When they get on your nerves, pull out of a drawer a cut throat razor, and start sharpening it. Total focus on sharpening and a slight smile should help. If someone talks to you, ignore them until they touch you, then act really startled.

I ordered the suggestion by practicality and the probability of undesirable side effects. If only I could remember whether I started with the best or the worst.