What Are Your Coping Strategies?

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Actually, once again, this is a sort of a sequel to my threads on "Intuitive Social Situations". In my last thread, some people already started to explain some of the things they do to help them cope with, or "figure out" social situations. I´m really curious about the various strategies that people on the spectrum use...can you explain the things you do, or what you´ve learned over the years? I´m curious how many of us do the same things, or if there is a lot of difference and variation in our methods. Maybe, also, we can learn from each other?

It's not really a coping strategy, but fiddling with things like my clothes gets me less stressed in social situations.

Trying to recognize my ebbs and flows. When I need to take some time out to myself to recharge my energy levels, I try to act on it. I find it easier to cope with lots of social interaction if I've had some quality time to myself beforehand, so I try to slot solitary time in where I think I'll need it most.

To cope with social situations, I always have an escape route available and keep the stimulation to a minimum. I'll often find a corner to sit in alone. When someone engages me, I try to adjust my body-language to appear interested, making sure I occasionally nod and give eye-contact. If possible, I'll involve my interests in the interaction because it relaxes me; I've often ended up holding impromptu star-gazing/observing sessions when a social situation occurred at night.

To figure out social situations, I'll ask repetitive questions of someone I'm close to afterwards about how I did, what other people thought of me, how I appeared, etc. If this option is not available, I'll either not think about it at all or, if interested, overanalyze in detail.

honesty with myself first. knowing your limits is your best coping strategy, thats for both social situations and stimulation situations. there are rarely situations that you can't leave, sometimes even just a 'toilet' break, to take a deep breath and gather yourself a little can help. i try to remember to take a deep breath before i go in the toilet though it ussually makes the experience much better.

escape route.
take ipod wherever i go and USE it and stuff people who don't like that i do this.
take art book with me wherever i go - retreat into that when needed.
Wear sunglasses all the time, which reduces all the stimulus and also disguises my poor eye contact.
do not over-commit.
say NO when i need to and want to.
live by my list.

breathe... and positive self talk to try to instill some peace and acceptance if plans are diverted or mucked up. ( this is new. apparently it is called "flexibility." Many people in adulthood have developed a bit of flexibility in their lives. i am learning it cognitively now. better late than never. I only care, because it brings me peace.)

when i am around people i very quickly lose the capacity to gauge how i am. I become severely alexithymic because of sensory overload. I do not know what i am feeling but i do KNOW i am frazzled and in a state of "glass shard in the brain" visuals. (this is what happens with me - like a short circuit.) If this happens i definitely know it is time to go. I have learned just recently this is an indicator of possible meltdown in the very near future! better to get out quick than get arrested fro abusing someone.

I also factor in a down-time after any time with other people - in the home and beyond. This is essential. Quiet time. rest, processing time/analysis time, breathing exercises and gentleness. This reduces the post-social contact worry that has plagued me to a point of terror, throughout my life.

there are more. All these strategies have been worked out with my ASD specialist.

a little gratuitous gong-bong humma humma waka-waka bang-splat booma-booma yah-yah!

then after the rugby match i go home for some snuggly-wuggly with the missus.

My coping strategy in general is organisation - I am more relaxed now, but previously all things (social or personal) had to be organised a week in advance. I was good enough at it that things went wrong fairly rarely. Now I have a bit of a 'don't care'attitude. I don't care about socialising like I used to, therefore it happens less frequently and goes wrong less frequently. Sometimes it works great - I can't predict this. The rest of the time, I have decided that I just don't care, and if I am not enjoying it I will go home and not feel bad about it, or else I will state that I'm not in a sociable mood and people can understand or not as they wish.

laying down and closing my eyes if i can or rocking

Oh, wow...I think I´ve worded my question wrong...

I´ve been reading a lot about AS lately, and I keep reading that many people- (and very often women)- have "coping strategies" that mask their difficulties, so it is often hard to diagnose. I thought "coping strategies" therefore meant that one has other ways of cognitively learning social situations, rather than doing it intuitively...you see, I´m always doing this, I sometimes tend to misunderstand exactly what they mean by the words they use, if they don´t give specific examples....

But, no matter...you guys have explained what coping strategies you use personally to help yourselves, which is great...a lot of good answers! (Maybe that´s what a "coping strategy" really is? I feel so stupid now....)

Anyway, so I will add a few of my own, then at a later date I´ll do the other thread, and try to word it differently...

1. Yes, escape route, or an independent way of getting home is imperative...and I learned the hard way!

2. If I´m at a big social gathering with someone I know who´s very good socially, I´ll often stick with that person- (my brother is great for this, I´ve been using him as a coping strategy for years). First off, he can always keep a conversation going with anyone, is good with names and faces, etc. So I just stand there nursing a drink, adding something if I can think of something to say, just smiling if I can´t. This makes me appear social, I think.

3. Often, if I´m at someone´s house, I offer to help with food preparation. Sitting in the kitchen peeling potatoes is often quieter and relaxing, almost meditative. This works well if you are a woman- (don´t know if it would work for men)- but I notice it seems to be okay and socially acceptable for a woman to do this, it´s just considered "being helpful".

4. If I´m at a family social gathering, I pretty much always end up playing with the kids, leaving the adults to talk about their boring stuff....(Once again, if you take an interest in someone´s kids, they´ll often like you and appreciate it).

5. Of course, a little wine is always good....

6. If things start to get too difficult, I´ll sometimes pick up an interesting book or play with a few objects. I think this looks better than if I´m just sitting there, looking like I´m not involved, and looking like I don´t know how to join in...at least this way, I look like I´m preoccupied and like it´s on purpose. (Don´t know if that´s such a good coping strategy, though...I do it anyway. I have been known to just sit and read a book at a party...)

I know there´s more, I just have to think of them. To be continued-

Learn how to reciprocate politely, be nice to people and return favours.
Do this by observing others (I thought everyone did this).

Let the other person do the hard work by initiating the conversation for you and follow his/her lead.

Ask polite questions about the other person's interests and compliment the other person.

Talk about items of scenery and decoration.
Talk about a task or the atmosphere.
Talk about the weather.

It's amazing how far you can take a conversation that way.

It only works if other people are prepared to approach you though.

If things get too much for me, I go quiet and stare into space thinking about Italy.

Morgana, you might want to check out a book called The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, while it's isn't particularly aimed at AS people, there's some interesting a useful tips and strategies in there.

Actually, 'sticking' to someone is something I've used a lot, but it doesn't always work. Its turned out that often, the people that become my friends are quite shy, so sticking with them means we both have someone to 'talk' to (although often just hanging out not saying anything). Other people I have tried this with though have been a disaster - unfortunately more interesting people that I want to hang out with, but who dislike me hanging on their shirttails and prefer to go off and talk with others than 'nurse' me along. can't really blame them to be honest. Anyway, I don't care anymore, and much the better for it (but this is not something you can make happen, just glad its gone that way for me).

some coping strategies i use are; listening to music, smoking , playing some video games, watching movies.. especially die hard atm is funny & i know almost all the words. & playing music although i'm actually kinda afraid to play the guitar of late sometimes i sing songs & tunes instead.