Selective Mutism.

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I had problems with this up untill maybe 7 years ago. There are still specters of it in my life, but for the most part it has been eradicated. I am unsure of how it exactly went away. My guess is I forced myself to keep working jobs which I dealt with a lot of people. While at first I may have been quiet, when I got comfortable with my job and knew I was a good employee, I found it easier to talk with other people. Perhaps the more I did this the easier it got. If you are naturally a good listener, this can be used as an advantage to socialize too.

Some other things you can do:

If you hear a group talk about a movie, sport, music form etc join the conversation. You don't have to say much (maybe just agree with people on occasion)

Force yourself to ask a job related or practicle question every so often (even if you already know the answer)

Ditto.

i'm pretty sure talking to one person at a time won't help, that is you will just avoid the problem..
simply put the more people you speak to successfully the easier it will be, regardless of how many at a time etc..
Deep end thinking! lol

Not in my case.
That kind of approach has led me into numerous nervous breakdowns, thinking I could do more than I actually could and being bitterly disappointed.

I've tried everything and my upper limit seems to be about 3 people.

I really have tried.

It's almost impossible for me to coordinate and socially cooperate with a large group of people.
I shut down.
I can't keep track of it all.

Yes, but you only really need to talk to the person on your left and the person on the right. The key thing about groups is that you can choose to an extent whom those people are.

As for trying, I suspect its your disbelief in yourself that is your weakness.

Um no...

I do not have ay control over which group I join.
It's only the one's that accept me and the one's that have space.

This isn't a disbelief issue, I honestly thought I was more social than I actually was.

It was a nasty shock when I discovered that I wasn't connecting with others, couldn't read situations and couldn't keep up.

I always had 100% belief in myself.

But I was also oblivious to what was socially expected of me: that's when the conflicts started.

This happened more when I was younger...I would be in group situations and go almost catatonic.

What happens now is something different from selective mutism.

I went to a party with Flakey..help by a newspaper we advertise in...and Flakey had to attempt to schmooze with some people. I mainly hid behind him...but when I did try to talk..I was so out-of-sync with the mode that everyone is that when I spoke, it seemed to shock them and throw them off...so I just kept my mouth shut and slunked away..

BS. There are plenty of groups you can join, though you do have to have a common interest to help fit in.

Skills which we can all learn to a passable standard. There are plenty of how-to books on this.

Yes - but you can learn. At present you are being very defeatist.

Not where I live.

I've never fit in anywhere.
I never knew I had to.
I've belonged though, definitely.

Even with common interests, there have been arguments and people commenting.

There's a difference between being defeatist and being realistic.

People used to say I was a determined person.
Perhaps in this case, I was too determined and not realistic enough.

I meant groups in terms of a cocktail party or forced group interaction setting.

I'm always left out.




I've read most of them.
Social skills to a passable standard, but unfortunately not to other people's complex group standards.
I also notice that reading books has made me more aware of body language, but I still have a slow reaction time to it.




I'm being realistic, not defeatist.

I have tried to learn, but unfortunately things haven't worked out like I planned.

I wasn't being realistic before when I had the idea of dealing with all those people.
I was being idealistic and trying to put myself in group situations (especially cliquish ones) I just wasn't ready for.
I had real difficulty handling keeping up, no joke.
People commented on this.

Sometimes people just don't get on with each other however hard each side tries.

I don't honestly think that I work at my best in group situations anyway, so it was pretty daft of me to force this on myself.
I was deluded: I thought I could accomplish more than I could.

I think a more sensible thing would be to find something more low key with only a few people.

A few people in an uncrowded setting would be far more sensible.

Amber I appreciate what your feelings and what you are saying and what you are saying is not bull. Please feel free to speak the truth for you and dont let others attack you.