Anybody decide to get tested as an adult after their child ?

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My husband has decided to get tested for Aspergers after my son was diagnosed this year. It would make so much sense if was an Aspie to some of the struggles he had growing up. The adult and child drs, both think this could be a benefit to my son if he has a role model to identify with (if he proves to be an Aspie) What do you think? Any of you do someting similar? What was the outcome? Were your instincts correct?

I've had my psych and two of my son's therapists tell me I have it; but the real proof was when I was able to get my special records from the mid 1970s. It could have been my son's report: no eye contact, minimal affect, halting speech, shows no desire for recognition, friendly but friendless. . . and the the same 40 point gap between verbal IQ (very high) and performance IQ (exactly average). It expains (and explains) a lot, but I can't say (yet) if I'm happier knowing. I may take some tests but the neuro I'm seeing says, "What's the point?" I'm afraid I'll do worse, actually. By the way, I am getting worse at a faking "typical" and I'm talking to myself more and I can't seem to force myself to look at people's faces like I trained myself to do. Why? I'm just tired of it, maybe. Or I'm a bit upset because I really thought everybody else was working as hard as I was. Would be great if I could tell people at work, tell my students---but I need my job! Something else: I feel very guilty, yeah I know it's stupid, about passing this on--not AS, the trouble and the isolation and the work that we deal with in order to function with others.

I don't know very many who have been tested, but it does usually raise a round of questions. One of my friends decided that she, her husband, and pretty much the entire family was AS and, well, I think she's probably right. She has one mid functioning autistic child and one high functioning AS. She, herself, is a wonderful person whom everyone likes (if they've had a chance to get to know her), but I can see the stress in her when she tries to attend any functions. She'd just .... rather not.

In our family, I figured there were AS traits in both my husband and I, but didn't think that either of us WERE AS. My husband, on the other hand, has concluded that he IS AS, and the more I learn about AS the more I have to agree. No one would ever figure it out, he has learned to cope so well, but there definitely are barriers he can't overcome. In conversations with our son, he has just assumed that he is like our son, but without the hypomobility co-morbid, and our son is aware of it.

I think in our case we are both comfortable with our conclusions about ourselves, our lives are set, and we don't see any reason to take any other steps. But other parents may feel differently. I think it has a lot more to do with YOU than your child, actually. It's pretty easy to tell the child, "well, we think you got it from me, but when I was a kid they didn't really think about AS, so noone ever diagnosed me, and I was lucky not to have the problems with my hands that you have, so it didn't really matter." Or various versions thereof. That gives the child their role model and base on where it came from.

I am absolutely certain my son's teacher from last year is AS, but it's never been discussed. I would guess the principal is making the same guess given that she routinely puts all the AS kids into his class. He isn't organized or any of the other things that AS kids tend to like, but he IS a role model and the AS kids FEEL that. Some things don't need to be said, they just get understood. That man is a wonderful teacher and no labels in the world would ever, ever change that



There isn't a parent in the world that hasn't passed on some negative trait or another. What you are is in a great position to help your child focus on developing his gifts, and channeling his energy into them. He got those from you, also, you know And the world our kids are growing up is different than the one we did. For better and for worse. But I'm finding we can make it positive for our son, and so will you.

I am increasingly convinced that I fall somewhere on the spectrum, and my DH also has a lot of traits. I have discussed this with my sons, and like that I can relate well to them in most things, but have no desire to seek a formal dx. I just can't justify the time or expense when the dx wouldn't really do more than satisfy my own curiosity.

My son was recently diagnosed with AS and I'm quite positive I am as well. I haven't made an appointment for myself but I will be telling my son I have it once he is told himself.

I'm in the same situation, Chyndonax. I do think I should probably get a diagnoses though. I've suffered a lot of mental anguish over the years.

It hit me like a ton of bricks when my daughter was diagnosed five years ago. I devoured everything I could find on the subject, and there I was, staring back out of the page at myself. Among other things, my entire childhood fell ka-choonk! into place.

I haven't a doubt that it fits, but I don't (at present) plan to go for a diagnosis. It won't change anything, and it's a long, error-prone process (so many therapists still don't understand AS/HFA). In my case, for little to no gain.

I read this with interest. I'm also 42, as it happens, and am having the same difficulty. I've been such a good NT "passer" for a very long time--quirky, oh yeah, but well within bounds. And suddenly, I'm falling apart.

On one hand, it's scary as h*ll. On the other hand, it's a relief...as if I'm finally getting the chance to come out into the light of day, instead of being relegated to a little bit here and there when I'm alone. As long as it doesn't cost me my husband, my friends, or my right to live outside a mental institution*, I'm actually tentatively excited about where it's leading. When I'm not in a meltdown puddle, that is.

(* I have an irrational fear of other people deciding they don't appreciate the way I am in the world, deciding I need Help, and making me get it....probably the result of seeing One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest at much too formative an age. )

After my son was diagnosed as HFA, I began looking into it as all other attempts and avenues had been unproductive. Consulting with two doctors has led to a general assessment of AS, although they have not committed to a diagnosis at my request.


M.

Yes! When my daughter was 2 I knew she was on the spectrum. I did a lot of research, and later on everyone agreed with me. Unfortunately early intervention had to pass it off to the school district before they officially diagnosed her, and the school psychologist is one of those that don't like to "label" kids with anything. She's in special edu under a speech and language disability because her pragmatics are very low. However she's excellent in her academics so far. (she graduates Kindergarten today) So I have to get her a medical diagnosis if I want her officially diagnosed.

But she's almost 6 now. So that means I've had 4 years to think about things! And in that time I sought out a professional for myself and it was decided that I was on the spectrum.

So really, my diagnosis came before my daughters, but it was her behaviors that prompted MY diagnosis! LOL

I have been diagnosed since my kids were diagnosed. I actually prefer knowing. I was reconfirmed this week by my new therapist. I'm doing some social skills training in therapy that's a little more specific than our kids get. I've passed as NT, but have a hard time holding a job, finishing classes and holding friendships with people who are not like me.

Not so much when our younger daughter got diagnosed HFA a couple of years ago but now that we are in the process of getting an assessment done on our 6 year old because we suspect AS... well now I've got questions.

I can see many AS traits in husband and myself. It is one of the questions I have on my list to ask the psych about.

Oh, the school district. My son spent this past year in Kindergarten being punished for doing things he could not control. No matter how much I pleaded and pushed, the school did very little to help or understand him.

Next week he is getting evaluated by a specialist for AS. When I told the school I was doing that, they told me to wait for them to finish an evaluation. No thanks. Now is the crucial time to help him. I am not waiting another year while they drag their feet.

Start reading up on laws to help your child. Particularly the Child Find law and IDEA (Individuals with disabilities education act). The school is not on your side.

Good luck. It will be a long hard road but worth it for your child's sake.

Kelly

An Update....

So after posting this question, my husband was referred to a psychologist in our area who runs an Adults with ASD support group. He called him and the guy also does teenage and adult testing with a specialty in AS. So my husband went to see him last week. He wasn't even half way through the test and the Dr. said he was confident my husband had Aspergers. He finished the test and I guess my husband's scored pretty high. We were not suprised at all, but I think my husband was caught off guard at the mixture of feelings he experienced. Everything from relief to feeling "broken" to wondering why his parents didn't do more to address his issues growing up. He is remembering pieces of things more and more now that make so much more sense to him now. Like that fact that his desk was seperate from most of the other kids in 3rd & 4th grade. His mom always explained it as him being "smarter" than the other kids and needed more work than them (which is partially true), but now he realizes a lot of it was for discipline and preventing distraction too.

I am struck, as his wife, about understanding how much of conversations/arguments over the years are just typical stuff and how much of it was legitimate stuff he REALLY didn't get because of his Aspie characteristics.

I am thankful he got diagnosed, but it opens a whole new can of worms in our understanding of ourselves and each other. Any good reading suggestions??

I don't have any good reading suggestions because I'm not much of a book reader. I rather enjoyed Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison. It'd be more for him than for you. As well, I run a small website he's welcome skim.

Also, as a wife, please do me a favor and stay away from the Cassandra Disorder junk. Nothing makes me more sick as a person the spectrum than to be called infectious!

I can't help you much at all. There are support groups out there for spouses... but I've never been to one, nor has my husband. I was invited to go once, but I think the lady misunderstood that *I* was the one on the spectrum and not my husband.

So yeah... good luck to the both of you!

I just started reading: The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood


Kelly