Wrong Planet Forum

Post Reply New Topic

Ok...so I posted my commentary about being here at the WP for six months. I felt I needed a little change in my internet forum life. So I joined a roller coaster forum (I still have a membership at another roller coaster forum though I don't post there anymore), and I got bored with it real quick. You post something, and nothing much seems to happen. I love roller coasters, but I just can't get into discussing what bench seat in each coaster car is the best. Or, what motel is best next to 6 Flags. And, I joined two dulcimer forums. Again, not much happening. Unless I get really fascinated in the guages of dulcimer strings, I don't think I'm going to fit in. So dulcimers and coasters aren't working for me.

I commented that I feel I have posted positive thinking in the ground. Not everyone here can buy into this. And it may surprise you that I probably need my "positive thinking" medicine as badly as anyone here. It's just the only way I can survive---to hope. But folks, I'm as scared/concerned about life as probably anyone here. When I get down in the dumps I usually absorb myself into my novel I am writing. And, today, I made some progress on the novel. So guess what? I am a little down in the dumps right now. No---this doesn't belong in The Haven---it's just my normal cycle of existence. If anyone has ever traced my post history, you will find I have hit some low points and have posted to The Haven. Don't think that I am Mr. Happy all the time---I am not. And right now, glider18 is in a slight slump and is having some anxiety issues. I am also having some extreme sensory issues right now with smell (in addition to my sound, touch, and bright light sight issues).

So...as I am an Aspie (I don't know any other noun to use here), I don't fit in comfortably on any other forum at this point in my life. Though I have used other forums, none have ever been as comfortable for me as the WP. So I guess you're stuck with me. I am beginning to feel like the WP is like one of my tattoos---I can't get rid of it---it's in me now. I feel really close to a lot of you here. I don't want to lose your fellowship.

I want to apologize to anyone that has ever felt "bad" as a result of my philosophies on autism. I mean no harm about my approach of positive thinking. But without positive thinking, I don't know where I would be now. So I have to think positively---in order to cover-up the negatives as much as possible in my life. Anyway...I am glad to be back full-time. I hope I can help you---and I hope you can help me. I need it.

glider18

Hi, glider18. I'm sorry you're in a bit of a slump right now. I think your "positive thinking" philosophies provide a useful balance for a lot of the fairly unhappy postings here on WP. You're just trying to share an approach that has worked well for you. There's nothing wrong with that- it's a kind thing to do. I, for one, enjoy reading your postings. Jenny

I like your attitude and your posts. Plus I don't know of many other people who were obsessed with synthesizers.

PS...Mountain or Hammer Dulcimer? I play mountain!

Welcome back. I also like synthesizers and guitars.

Thank you Jenny. I don't understand how the neurotypical brain works. My wife is neurotypical, so I struggle to understand her as much as she does with me. My whole life has been inside the autistic brain---as you know. And many of us with autism do have to struggle to stay in the "happy realm." I have used my interests to pull me through in the past---and I still have to do that. Fortunately I find my interests fun and relaxing---when I can adequately engage in them.

What I need right now is this---I need some time to myself here at home where I can work on my novel. I have a 1961 Airstream camper in the backyard that I want to use as my private novel writing place. But with a family, that isn't easy. My wife and kids place me importantly in their world. I do struggle to be the father and husband I am supposed to be. I have gone through therapy for this.

Yesterday I was feeling really down. I went upstairs to the bed and turned on the Playstation to play my pinball game. A couple minutes later my wife comes up and takes the other controller to play the pinball as a 2-person game. How can I say I need to be alone? I can't really. That would be rude. It is hard to absorb totally into my novel because my sons expect me to be near them because I always have in the past, and my wife needs me with her. I feel like I am being selfish, but the autistic brain can seem that way when you have a family---at least in my case. There are times we just need to be alone---and I don't get much of that anymore.

But I am fighting to remain positive. It's the only way I can survive. I do have hope.

Hi Starygrrl---thank you. I play both mountain and hammered dulcimers. I would love to talk mountain dulcimers with you . Trust me, the WP is more exciting than both of the dulcimer forums I joined put together . Oh...synths...I am feeling the need to fire up a vintage Moog right now .

Hi Kittenmeow---thank you. Synthesizers---absolutely fascinating. In the mid-1980s my life almost revolved around vintage synthesizers. It's funny now, I actually bought some new synths back then. Now, those new synths are older to me now than the vintage ones were to me then.

I don't think all NT brains work the same way (unfortunately, perhaps). My husband and I are both NT but are not particularly social and like to spend time alone as well as together. We both work in jobs that require a LOT of social interaction, so we both appreciate some quiet down-time at home, especially after work. He plays computer games, watches movies or reads, I chat online, read, or cook. Our teenage children also like a bit of space at times, so it all works out (usually). We also spend a lot of time doing things together, but not ALL the time.

I think you might have to explain to your wife that you need some daily time to unwind alone to reduce your stress levels. She may not understand how important this is to you. Some NTs like and need a lot of interaction and don't have much need for solitude. She may have joined in your Playstation game because she thought it showed she was interested in what you were doing. Sharing interests is an important part of a relationship, after all. If your children are still young and your wife spends a lot of time with them, she may also be craving some adult companionship- if that's the case, maybe you could encourage her to spend some time with friends or family members as well.

It must be a challenge to have a spouse who sees the world very differently from yourself- I can see that it would require a lot of compromises from both of you. I guess that's what marriage is often about, though.

Thanks Jenny---that is a very nice post with good insight in it. I will definitely think about what you said. It makes a lot of sense. Empathy isn't my best trait---but I do want to pay you a compliment. Your approach here in the WrongPlanet is valuable to us on the spectrum of autism---and you show true meaningful insight into our complex worlds (from your neurotypical viewpoint). This viewpoint is extremely important for us to hear so that we can all understand each other better.

Thank you for your kind words, glider18. By the way, I think you're wrong about empathy not being your "best trait"- I've seen you show a great deal of empathy in your posts.

I know I've gained a LOT more insight here on WP than I've ever given. I originally came here to learn more about autism so that I could gain a better understanding of two young people with Asperger's who I know, one a student of mine, the other someone I chat with online. I've learned a lot that I had no idea about before, despite having taught a few students with AS over the years. I've enjoyed getting to know some of the regulars here on WP- they're a diverse group with interesting things to say.

I certainly can't claim to speak on behalf of all NTs- I think I'm at the nerdier end of the NT spectrum, to be honest- but if I can help reassure some WP members that not all NTs are superficial or hostile, then perhaps I can be of use. Jenny

Hang in there, glider (no pun intended). We all have our down times. Just remember that you'll get through it... maybe not tomorrow, but soon.

It's always nice to meet other musicians, especially ones as multi-talented and enthusiastic as yourself. Remember to embrace the things that make you truly happy... and that will help get you through.

What i do know Glider 18, is that I just turned on to WP then and read your post and am secretly glad you do not fit into the other fora! We are peers here and we arrived at WP last year around the same time. i like your threads.
I also try to adopt a positive attitude when i can, and I am enriched by your threads.
I also get down in the dumps and know how hard it can be to maintain hope when life seems really tough.

I went to see my psych this morning.
at the end of the session i said "Well Mr U.............., the world is f****d, basically, and i shall head forth yonder, and carry on regardless, attempting to make some kind of sense out of a human race that is a complete and utter mystery to me."

He said " i admire your attitude and your sense of hope."

I said "well, sometimes that is all i have."


Sometimes on WP , i get drawn into petty arguing and bickering over different views about ASD's, the world, the way things are, people, blah blah blah.
And then I see some threads and i think ..."this makes me feel better. I want to practice more of that in my daily life. I want to attempt things in spite of my ASD and I want to take risks and live, in spite of my crippling reliance on rigidity and routine. I want to have hope, and I want to embrace people as best I can in my own strange ways. I want to find enjoyment where I can, and I want to live as happily as I can. "

And I want to keep seeing Glider 18's posts and threads on WP because he is a good person, like many of us, who tries with all his guts, to makes sense of a world that doesn't cater to him.

For what it's worth; WP is one of the busiest(?) sites I visit and therefore I don't look at every thread or even visit all forums.

But as a benchmark for quality and thought provoking insightful content there are several members names that if they have posted I'll read that thread; glider18 you are on the radar!!

I had no idea I was so appreciated. I am honestly setting here all alone in my classroom (I won't have any students until later this morning) getting teary eyed reading your comments. When I felt that I should leave and only post maybe once in awhile, I felt like a part of me had died. I can honestly tell all of you the reason for that decision---I was afraid to see the negatives in myself by having attention drawn to them. But now, as my journey continues, I must not be afraid of those negatives. I can see that now. It is clearer. And I know that as I hit lows in my life---all of you will be there for me---as I need to be there for you. I have no plans of leaving or changing my amount of posts per day. Well...except for this coming weekend---me and the family will be camping from Friday thru Monday (US Memorial Day weekend).

I don't always see things the way they really are. I guess I thought I was being too...wonderful world of autism-ish. I don't think that's a word . Anyway, you are like family to me. And I look forward to getting to know all of you better. And I must not be afraid to address my weaknesses/fears/concerns.

Again, thank you,
glider18