Are white lies ever ok?

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So, I was thinking about the possibility of telling a white lie to get a date and just wanted to get input, particularly from women to see how they would respond. Due to my AS and hermit like nature, I don't really know much about external things to do. Other than asking a woman back to my place for a gourmet meal and a movie or something, which probably isn't the best idea for a first date, I pretty much wouldn't know what else to do. My thought is to imply that I'm new to the area and let the other person make suggestions and help bring me out of my shell so to speak. Once we were comfortable with each other, I'd explain the truth of course and hope she'd understand. Obviously, it's not a big lie, but it is untruthfulness nonetheless. How do you think women would respond?

I think this would be unwise. Even if a woman puts up with that sort of dishonesty, she will not like it (masochists excluded ).

Besides which, you sound like a thoughtful person. I think you'd be doing yourself a double disservice to behave in a dishonest way when it seems like being earnest is probably one of your strengths.

Maybe ask her out to dinner and then, if she says yes, go on to ask what type of food she likes then ask if she knows a good X (Thai, Indian, whatever she said) restaurant in the area? If you say a movie then ask her if there's anything out now that she's interested in, and then go to dinner afterwards, you'll be able to talk about the movie as well as the usual getting-to-know-you type of chitchat while waiting for your food at the restaurant.

I agree that fibbing may wind up being a problem for you. Besides her minding the lie when she finds out, what if someone you went to school with or worked with runs into you two? People who were absolute monsters to me in High School greet me as if we had been friends when they see me as an adult - I guess I remind them of the good old days when they used to kick the geeks around.

No, don't lie. She'll find out, and it will count against you, and you don't need that. Why would you need to make an excuse for wanting her to make suggestions? What would this have to do with being new to the area, even if you were? Asking her to help you out of your shell will start things off on a negative footing, too.

Do something simple that you can manage without requiring her to take the lead, like go out for ice cream and coffee. That's how I first found rapport with one of my friends. Keep the initial meeting short so that you can sort out how you feel about it and don't become overloaded during your meeting.

Don't do the meal at your place, it's definitely too much too soon and it may drive her away. I made this suggestion to a person I had already seen a few times and my over eagerness may have contributed to the sparseness of our later contact. Also, her sensitivity to the appearance of your living space may be excessive if you show it to her before she develops any level of attachment to you.

Don't give her too much information or make it too easy to track you, in case you need to get away from her for whatever reason. If she knows right where you live and knows that she can see you any time, this may dilute her motivation to do so at any given time. Give her the mindset that it is up to her to show interest and retain you, and that if she doesn't, you might become difficult to find.

I'm not a woman, but I never liked the idea of a white lie. It seems to me that white lies insult the dignity of a truth-seeker. If you try to justify it by the fact that you're telling them what they 'want to hear' then you commit the Fallacy of the Single Motive.

John Stuart Mill once said, "It is better to be a man dissatisfied than a fool satisfied." Who would you rather be: an unattractive man, or an unattractive fool?

(In response to your question, no, I don't think you should lie about yourself.)

Sooner or later, not well --you'll be reminded of your dissembling at a most inconvenient time if this should go anywhere. Take my word.

Suggested alternative course: I'd find out what sort of cuisine she's into, and see if I can get a specific suggestion out of her. If I were feeling especially bold, I'd ask her if there's something that she'd like to try but hasn't (Indian, Thai, Ethiopian, Persian, Greek, etc.), and then do some scouting online --read some reviews, ask around if it would help, and then go out and check one or more places out.

If I were in the right frame of mind to do it, I wouldn't hesitate to let the manager know what I'm up to. He or she can provide useful guidance with respect to menu suggestions, best nites of the week to go for a meal (daily specials; liquor service or the absence thereof; what nites/times does the place tend to get crowded) and so on --and also doing the little things to make it as comfortable an occasion as it can be.

It's what folks like that do for their livelihood; they depend upon repeat business from happy customers who spread the word, and they should be more than happy to be patient and thorough in extending that sort of help (if they're interested in taking my money, at any rate). For my own sake, it reduces the unpredictability factor if I've learned the drill to at least some extent and at least had an advance look at the place. If any establishment acts surprised or put off by my query, then I make plans to spend my money somewhere else.

So yes, there are situations in which it's appropriate to lie --but this ain't one of 'em. So let the truth be spoken, best of luck, and bon appétit!

It is impotent to keep your lies consistent.

I would be very weary of the 'honesty is best policy attitude'. Being to honesty is a sign of inflexibility and the unwillingness to capitalize on a situation for ones own gain. This most probably be unattractive to woman.

White lies are best if there's no chance of getting caught. The lie you propose would be exposed on your very first date, when she starts making conversation along the lines of "So you just moved here? Where did you live before?" and the like.