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kerryt84
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24 May 2009, 2:15 pm

I have really noticed a big difference in my personality over the past few years.

I've never been someone who enjoys being around lots of people, and I find socialising stressful, but I have always enjoyed it to an extent, e.g. when with close friends and family. But over the past few years I have noticed that I don't really enjoy being around people very much any more. Currently I can stand being around other people for very short periods of time and then I start getting very agitated and my temper starts going. It doesn't help that I find noises that people make with their mouths (excluding talking) very agitating and anxiety provoking. This means eating with other people is a nightmare and always leaves me in a very bad mood, where I just need some alone time after.

I'm really worried, because I would hate to become someone who would be described as a recluse and has no interest in other people. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice?

Thanks



-Vorzac-
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24 May 2009, 2:29 pm

I freely admit that I am a reclusive individual, but I have made a few good friends over voice chat programs, some of whom I have met in person :D



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24 May 2009, 3:09 pm

I am not really a recluse by nature. I like being with people but I must have at least half the day or the evenings/every other day completely to myself.

Meeting people once or twice a week is what suits me best.



marshall
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24 May 2009, 3:48 pm

kerryt84 wrote:
I have really noticed a big difference in my personality over the past few years.

I've never been someone who enjoys being around lots of people, and I find socialising stressful, but I have always enjoyed it to an extent, e.g. when with close friends and family. But over the past few years I have noticed that I don't really enjoy being around people very much any more. Currently I can stand being around other people for very short periods of time and then I start getting very agitated and my temper starts going. It doesn't help that I find noises that people make with their mouths (excluding talking) very agitating and anxiety provoking. This means eating with other people is a nightmare and always leaves me in a very bad mood, where I just need some alone time after.

I'm really worried, because I would hate to become someone who would be described as a recluse and has no interest in other people. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice?

Thanks


I have the exact same experience. Little quirks and mannerisms get under my skin for no real reason. I get bothered by the way people chew, cough, clear their throat, etc. I have to spend time with people to build up a tolerance. If I isolate myself for more than a couple days I lose my people tolerance.



Rylee
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24 May 2009, 4:05 pm

I have experienced this heightened sensitivity to mouth sounds, throughout my teens it became more and more pronounced, and persisted through my twenties at a great level of intensity. I would avoid sitting close to people who chewed with their mouths open, said their s's with a great deal of sibilance, had sticky sounding speech, or otherwise made a lot of mouth sounds. I was sometimes known to leave a party if such a person was persistently attaching themselves to me (anyone persistently attaching themselves to me could be pretty alarming, for that matter, since I usually was a lurker at parties). It did get better. I've never become very good at living with other people, however. I am at times reclusive, but at times get out more. My friends all know I'm Aspie, and they let me come and go without giving me s**t about it. I live with a cat, who never smacks her lips. ;D I can be alone when I want, but be with people when I want, since a lot of my friends live in the same large apartment building that I do.



ignisfatuus
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24 May 2009, 4:35 pm

Quote:
It doesn't help that I find noises that people make with their mouths (excluding talking) very agitating and anxiety provoking.


Funny that you mention that, because I have the same problem. Ditto for dogs licking their paws, it drives me batshit.


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marshall
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24 May 2009, 4:58 pm

ignisfatuus wrote:
Quote:
It doesn't help that I find noises that people make with their mouths (excluding talking) very agitating and anxiety provoking.


Funny that you mention that, because I have the same problem. Ditto for dogs licking their paws, it drives me batshit.


What about people who have a really nasally voice? People who grunt or snort? Or people who clear their throat constantly?



hyder13
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24 May 2009, 5:03 pm

Zoonic wrote:
I am not really a recluse by nature. I like being with people but I must have at least half the day or the evenings/every other day completely to myself.

Meeting people once or twice a week is what suits me best.

same here...



ignisfatuus
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24 May 2009, 11:19 pm

Quote:
Or people who clear their throat constantly?


These mouth breathers need to be rounded up and shot. There's few things more disgusting than the habit you mentioned.


Quote:
I have to spend time with people to build up a tolerance. If I isolate myself for more than a couple days I lose my people tolerance.


Yeah, the longer I'm alone, the more eccentric and sensitive I become. On the other hand, the longer I'm with people, the more I start to disconnect from myself. Still looking for the happy medium...


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Danielismyname
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24 May 2009, 11:23 pm

I was born with a shell, and I still have it.

There's nothing wrong with being socially isolated as long as you have the ability to ask for help if it's needed (emergencies for example). Any psycho worth his or her textbook will tell you this.



kerryt84
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25 May 2009, 9:29 am

Thanks for all your replies guys.

I think one of the problems is that no one really knows I'm an aspie, which just means when I get irritated by people or need time alone it comes across as being rude and people sometimes think I'm lazy and can't be bothered to meet up and things when that isn't the case.

Also I'm glad to hear that so many other people can't stand hearing people make noises with their mouth. It's something which really gets me down because I just dread any meal time when I'm with other people. I often have to leave the room when people are eating and I have considered wearing ear plugs but then I would have to explain to other people why I was doing that and they would think I was very strange (or stranger than they already think I am, haha). I also don't like hearing the knife and fork touching the plate at any stage during eating and it's a bit of a joke now with my parents and sister that whenever they make a noise on their plate they apologise to me. I just wish I could eat a meal without having these issues.