Comments on: Scotty Holman: All the King’s Horses: Shattered Memories of a Borderline Mother

By: zettie

zettie — Mon, 29 Aug 2022 04:24:19 +0000

Sorry for the typos! I also wanted to say that my kids are also diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum so my mother just refuses to input new knowledge and that’s particularly awful. I see them as different and amazing, she sees them as flawed. It sucks.

By: zettie

zettie — Mon, 29 Aug 2022 04:16:24 +0000

L what a beautiful, loving, and hopeful account of your experiences and situation. I can identify. It’s so difficult for me to tell anyone the truth because I’m always afraid they will think I’m making things up because my mother has many lifelong friends and friends in the community. I remember when I was a child telling close family members that my mother didn’t love me. They told me I was silly and being ridiculous but I’ve seen now that I was correct. Wait, no, she DID love me but she had never been nurtured herself so I do not blame her. Both her parents were orphans and they are not to blame either.
When I was a teenager, my older sister had that book on BPD. I felt shame but definitely recognize our mom. I went through years of counseling but never really talked about my mom. Because I was afraid.
So as adults, my sister said she’d talked about our mother to her therapist and her therapist said our mother is a narcissist. So now my dad is dead, my sister is dead, and I’m left to try to take care of her even though everything I do she points out as my weaknesses or I’m wrong or stupid or weak or something.
I’m autistic and have three kids on the spectrum but I do think they’re possibly a little more fun notional than I was at their ages bc I was a nurturing mom trying to break the cycle.
People thought I was either too limiting or too lax. Never made sense. All I knew was I’m going to love these kids like I needed to be loved. The kids are doing well. But my mom still shames me and guilt trips me constantly, and now I fall for it because sh s almost 80 years old. I can only do my best and I have only been doing my best. She doesn’t have any empathy. It’s all about her. Or it’s empathy for random people and I just get to hear her wailing. I’ve done my best to help her my entire life. She doesn’t seem to see it at all.
I am with all of you who understand and can relate! You do good work and it’s not your fault and you’re a wonderful person!

By: 4myAspie

4myAspie — Fri, 23 Jun 2017 19:26:03 +0000

Thank you for sharing your story, it helps to know I am not alone. Reading your description of your mother felt like I could of been writing it myself. No one can know what it is like to grow up with a parent like this inless you were raised by one. I am not on the spectrum and feel tremendously lucky that I survived sufficently intact to raise my aspie in a home filled with love for him, I can not imagine what sort of damage a home like my mother provided would have done to him. Thank you again for sharing

By: Herdswoman

Herdswoman — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 18:45:31 +0000

Thank you for sharing. I am step-mom to 7 children who’s mother suffers with BPD. We also hope she becomes whole and healthy some day. I know God can help heal all involved. The kids are recovering remarkably well, and able to love and forgive. They also have strong healthy boundaries…now. I also have an aspie kiddo, I couldn’t even imagine what it would have been like for him to have been raised with a BPD parent. My heart aches for what you have endured. Again thank you for sharing and you have touched my heart.

By: kelbelle

kelbelle — Tue, 25 Aug 2015 23:41:31 +0000

This article, though it is a sad story, really comforts during a tragic time I am going through currently. My story is similar, the difference being that I was totally deceived by my mother and I was under the impression that she was wonderful and at the same time that I was discovering that I am autistic, I realized the horrific truth about my mother and all of my life was suddenly explained. It was like taking the blue pill in the matrix. I am still recovering and it has been a few months now.

By: zenihama

zenihama — Tue, 19 May 2015 08:46:31 +0000

A very well written and honest story.
As someone who has a son with Aspergers as well as having had a relationship with a man with BPD (not my son’s father) I can empathise greatly with your perspective.

The tragedy of the BPD is that it just “is”. There is no-one who can be held to account other than your great grandfather, who I assume is long dead, and who perhaps had mental health issues of his own. But even if someone could be held to account it would probably make little difference.

Writing is a great outlet and I hope that doing so has been helpful to you. In the end all you can control is yourself, and the fact that you are doing your best to not blame your mother is very healthy. Just try to be the best person YOU can be, as it appears you are doing.

I do have to agree with the comment made by Ettina above – even though you were just describing how you felt and I understand your intent, this kind of language is probably best avoided.

By: Ettina

Ettina — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 20:28:58 +0000

While I feel sympathy for your struggles with your mother, this statement:

“My mother’s sexual abuse left her, somehow, less than human… not a real woman, whole and centered, but a complex puzzle with too many pieces to ever be assembled.”

Is extremely problematic. People with borderline personality are not ‘less than human’, they are just damaged and unhappy people.

I strongly feel that it is never OK to deny a person’s humanity. And people with borderline personality suffer too much already – we should not add to this suffering with dehumanizing comments.