For many autistics on the spectrum, moving out from your parents house and living independently can seem like a daunting task. We like routines and familiarity so any change can be hard to handle. But I think we need to embrace growth, even at the expense of comfort. Since college, I’ve lived in a variety of different places, but I’ve made a point of always living away from home.

Alex in his Dorm Room

Living in dorms is a great way to prepare you for living more independent after you graduate. But I would recommend getting a single room because sharing a room for an autistic person is the worst possible thing I can think of. I need my own space. Fortunately my University had accommodations for individuals with disabilities and I was able to get a single room.

Even with a single room, I quickly had to learn to deal with issues like noise that come with living in dorms (and apartments). I have a sound sensitivity so the bass from other people playing music was hard to deal with. I’ve written about the importance of noise canceling headphones, but I didn’t have those at the time. I’ve also developed simple strategies for improving sound over time like using foam to seal the door frame and even a jacket on the door to block sound, and having a white noise machine, fan, or AC to make it harder to hear outside sounds.

I moved from the original dorm into a four bedroom apartment style dorm I shared with three other people. This brought up new issues I had to deal with, such as keeping the common areas clean and sharing the space. An autistic friend of mine commented that the most important thing you can do with roommates is to keep things clean. If you can do that, there won’t be many other problems.

In the summer after my freshman year, I got an internship at AOL headquarters in northern Virginia. Since I could only live in the dorms during the school year, I lived at my grandparents’ house which was close to the metro. I could take a train some of the way and a bus the rest of the way. But the whole trip, including transfers, took an hour and a half (see my article on the benefits of driving & autism).

After a while, I decided to rent a room from an engineer at AOL who worked on my team. I was able to carpool with him every day or we could ride bikes along the bike trail from the house to our work. This was much better because driving with him cut out an hour an 15 minutes for me (saving 2.5 hours a day). Living with someone older taught me a lot of things that would help me in the future for living with roommates. I learned the importance of helping to clean (doing things like sweeping and vacuuming, for example). The next summer, I rented the basement of a house in Washington, DC. I picked a home a block from the subway so I could easily get to work. Living independently in a city is much easier if you don’t have a car so this experience was great for me.

I started dating a girl in college while I was living in DC. We eventually decided to move in together. Living with a significant other brings a whole new set of issues, some great, and some challenging. We decided to rent a house. While the relationship didn’t last, I learned a lot about living with a partner and the importance of having your own space. I do recommend making sure you have your own space if you’re going to live with a partner. A studio apartment might be challenging!

When I graduated from college, I lived with my grandfather again for a little bit and then moved to western Massachusetts where I lived with my friend John Elder Robison. After almost a year, I decided to move to Los Angeles. This was one of the scariest moves for me because I’d be leaving the east coast where I had my support system of friends and family. I went on Craigslist to find an apartment in Los Angeles and I still live there. Making the move to LA was one of the best decisions in my life. It gave me countless opportunities that I didn’t ever have on the east coast.

While I had to go out of my comfort zone in order to become increasingly independent, doing so has given me many opportunities and has increased my quality of life. I’ve also gained confidence knowing that I’m living on my own, supporting myself. While some people may think living at home is the best option, I urge you to at least give living on your own a shot. After all, if it doesn’t work out, you can always move back home and you’ll merely be back to where you were. After all, life is about experimenting, trying new things, sometimes failing, and sometimes succeeding. But without trying, you’ll never grow.

The post Leaving Home & Living Independently on the Autism Spectrum appeared first on Wrong Planet.

Living on your own might be something that you dream of achieving someday, but at the same time, the thought can be scary. You might even think it is impossible that you will live on your own. First, you need an income, and then after that you need the survival skills and street smarts to take care of yourself without anyone there to support you.

This guide will help prepare you for that transition so that someday you can live independently. This guide is not meant to be comprehensive but rather to offer you a few suggestions to help you along the way.

Step 1: Create a support network—We need people to be there for us and to also be honest with us and tell us how we can improve ourselves. Preferably, this network will extend beyond family members and include at least one close friend that you trust. Ultimately, when you are living on your own, you might encounter many obstacles you never thought of, especially obstacles of a social nature, and you will want someone there to be supportive of you and to help you as you navigate a life of independence.
Step 2: Master your weaknesses: It is a good idea to try and be aware of your weaknesses. If possible, have your close friend tell you what they feel are your biggest weaknesses. It is also good to know your strengths, but it is your weaknesses that you need to work on. For instance, you might get very focused on playing video games for hours, maybe days at a time. While it is okay to play video games, playing them for days at a time when trying to live on your own can lead to you losing your job and also your house. So, it is important that you recognize your weaknesses and do your best to work with them.

Step 3: Learn to cook: Have someone teach you how to cook. If you have no desire to ever cook, invest in a microwave. However, it should be noted, that it is probably healthier to try and eat some homemade meals rather than meals that have been processed and are heated in the microwaved.

Step 4: Learn to balance your money: Have someone work with you to set a budget and learn to balance your finances. Set money aside for emergencies and be sure to pay your rent and bills on time.

Step 5: Learn to balance your schedule: It is important to learn how to do multiple things in a day. You need to be flexible and willing to schedule time for activities, work, and social engagements.

Step 6: Get involved in the community: Maybe you don’t like going out and meeting people. Perhaps you were bullied in school. But, it is still important to try and meet people and go outside your comfort zone.

Step 7: Master some form of transportation—Either learn to drive or figure out how to use the public transportation system. If you are living on your own, you will need to be able to effectively get around town.

Step 8: Learn to be assertive—When you are on your own, your parents will no longer be able to stand up for you. Being assertive doesn’t mean fighting back or having attitude, but it does mean standing up for yourself and not allowing people to walk all over you.

Step 9: Live a healthy lifestyle—Exercise and try to eat healthy. Also, maintain your hygiene or you might find yourself out of a job.

Step 10: Follow your dreams and make them come true—Look through the newspapers and online and find that apartment or house that you desire to live in. Decide that you are going to move out and make it happen. And, if your parents try to talk you out of it, don’t listen to them; they just worry about all. Ultimately, living on your own is something that you have to make happen for yourself. So, decide that is what you want and don’t allow anything to deter you from your goal.

Arman Khodaei is a 26 year old individual with Asperger’s living in Rancho Cucamonga, California. Find out more on his site, Empower Autism

The post 10 Steps to Become Independent: Learning the Basics of Essential Life Skills appeared first on Wrong Planet.