Finally on the "Right" Planet.

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First of all, I am horrendous with introductions. Funny; I talk about myself almost as much as I talk about my cat, yet I find it incredibly overwhelming to write this - maybe it's because I am so conscious of first impressions and my ability to make the 'wrong' one. So, without further ado...

November 6th, 2012 was a momentous day for me; the state in which I live gave legalizing gay marriage the go-ahead, but that was inconsequential when compared with the other ground-breaking discovery I made. Around the same time, after years of struggling to fit in with little recourse, a plethora of mis-diagnosed disorder that never quite 'fit,' and an ever-slimming group of people that chose to associate with me, I made a connection that had been sadly overlooked for years.

I'm an Aspie.

It was a rather emotional experience for me - putting the pieces together. I won't get into the entire history of my life, but for those who have any interest:

As a child, I was 'gifted;' an IQ of 180, an imagination that bewildered even those closest to me, a talented young artist and writer, always smiling and prattling on about something of extreme importance (to me, at least.) I had been tested for Autism, but nothing came of it. People outside my family were never aware that my sensory 'fits' (feeling a tag in the back of my shirt would cause me to writhe on the floor in tears, as would hearing certain noises or touching certain textures) or lack of social skills (and countless other things I won't bother addressing) were a sign of Asperger's - I was a kid in the early 90's!

Then the teenage years struck. That cheerful little girl with straight A's began to wilt into an angsty adolescent with a penchant for isolating and poor grades. I began to understand that I was 'different.' My closest (and practically my only) friend had a little brother on the Spectrum, and whether she realized it or not, she helped me along throughout the years. Unfortunately, no one could prepare me for the coming storm. Teenage angst turned into something uglier and more imposing; my doctor called it Depression. I was cycled through more anti-deppressants than I can remember. Nothing worked; if anything, they made it worse. I can recall crying and screaming about how no one, not even my own mother, understood me. I was in a car accident in my junior year of highschool that kept me out most of the year due to medical/mental trouble. I ended up dropping out my senior year and getting my GED.

Entering early adulthood with my behavior becoming exponentially worse, depression obviously wasn't a good enough diagnosis. So, Bi-Polar was the next label I was forced to wear. It was just as difficult to swallow as "You're just depressed." Another few rounds of meds, each one as unsuccessful as the last. My job history had similar patterns; I began to joke about how I had become a habitual "six-month serial quitter." Finding and keeping friendships was hard. People came and went in my life as quickly as my job titles. I couldn't keep up with the stress of having an apartment, maintaining employment, keeping friends, and still finding time for school and personal time. My childhood friend was no longer in my life, but I had found a new 'safe person.'

In 2009, I finally bottomed out and landed in a psych hospital. It was there that I was given the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. I was placed into an intensive DBT group and completed two years of therapy. The star of my group and 'the posterchild of success,' everyone that knew me from therapy knew I was going to succeed in the world now. Only, the skills I used were more rote than anything; I knew what to do and when to do it, but nothing ever seemed to help beyond that moment. My therapists assured me that I would get it in time, but I was never so sure.

Fast-forward to the present: that 'safe person' has become my best friend of nearly seven years. He suspected I was on the Spectrum from the start, but never said a word after his first mention of it. We live together; he works, I'm on government assistance. We're at his mother's apartment, making food and crafts while filling out our voters' pamphlets. She catches my attention after an hour noticing my arranging and re-arranging of scrapbook paper and alludes to the Spectrum. A new friend boldly questions the same thing after a few months of knowing each other. Finally, I decided I really should look into it.

The media has an uncanny way of presenting Asperger's in its dominantly male appearance without mentioning women much, if at all. After reading the general characteristics of Asperger's online, I felt that it was a remarkably close match, but I didn't quite see myself in it. On a hunch, I looked up "females with Asperger's" and was absolutely shocked. Every single thing these people wrote felt like it could be in my biography. I was so overcome with relief, fear, joy, and anger that I cried that whole night.

Since then, I've settled into my regular rhythm. Life is feeling tangible again. I'm currently working up the courage to make my diagnosis official and begin looking into going back to college. Unfortunately, money is tight (as always) and I am trying to remain optimistic. The friends and family that I have shared my discovery with have been very supportive - in fact, my mom believes she's an Aspie as well!

I feel like I've said too much all ready, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I guess if anyone wants to know more about me, I can share whatever is of interest. Sorry if my autobiographical intro post was a little overwhelming. What can I say? I really like to talk about myself.

Finally, my brand of 'weird' resonates sweetly at the core of my being. I couldn't be happier!

How embarrassing; I see that my trend of writing exorbitant amounts is holding strong. I'll take it as a sign that I feel rather comfortable and relieved to be able to speak my mind in ways I've never felt anyone would understand on a personal level. Regardless, I'll try to keep the text-walls to a minimum.

"Your Aspie score: 180 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 25 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie"

Finally, it all makes sense.

Welcome to another late diagnosis story

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you feel you have found somewhere to fit in. Long posts are okay (with me anyway)...
Hey, if you haven't already, you might find it interesting to read Aspergirls, by Rudy Simone.

Eden

Welcome to Wrong Planet! Glad you made it to the right place despite the tortuous path to get here!

Hi and welcome.

Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you feel at home here.

Thanks everyone! It was overwhelming to learn about the female side of Asperger's and start to see just how many women are out there like me, with no clue why they feel so out of place and defective. Though, seeing how many young girls are getting properly diagnosed within the first few years of life and getting the assistance they need, it really gives me hope. I feel like I'm giving a Miss America speech right now. HAHA. But it's true! I was completely oblivious until last week.

Thanks! I haven't made it out to find any books on the subject, but I will definitely try that one out once I get motivated!

Welcome. Definitely do read Aspergirls, the book is great and Rudy Simone is lovely.

Welcome.
... it makes me happy to hear of your realization (and in detail). Also, it's wonderful that despite the sense of 'late diagnosis', you are, in fact, still young.

I'm glad my uncanny ability to go into excruciating detail over anything (and most everything) is not wholly unwelcomed! I've been on a few forums for various topics over the years, and I always felt like people just wanted me to shut up. Hah.

I feel very fortunate to have finally listened to those closest to me in their suspicions of my being on the Spectrum.



I plan on it! As ironic as it may be, I think Asperger's in women has become a new special interest for me. Is this the case for anyone else that discovered it themselves? I'm still learning where I fit in within the Spectrum and I find it all so fascinating AND liberating. I just haven't found the time to go out and do my reading off the internet!

welcome... and your story; wow, you just described how I feel every. single. day.

Thank you!
It relieves me to have someone respond to my story the same way I initially responded to my first encounter of Aspie girls online. I'm so glad that there is a place for us to come together and feel a sense of belonging while navigating such an overwhelming and confusing world.

oh, it should be stated that I am actually a guy... (there really should be a spot on the person's posting profile that states this... *cough cough* mods/devs *cough cough*)

This is a very confusing world, I feel alienated every day and I feel I never quite understand anyone else. it's nice to have a place like this to talk to others going through the same stuff you are.

Hi and welcome to our little corner of the interwebs.

I have just had that same moment of realisation a few weeks ago. Aspergers so perfectly explains so much of who I am that I'm amazed it has taken me until 30 to connect the dots. I am in the process of being referred for diagnosis soon but I can see no way that I could be anything other than aspie.

I too have found learning about the condition has become something of an obsession but this seems quite common given our nature.

It has been and continues to be a rollercoaster of emotions and self-discovery since looking into AS. Having always felt different and had various issues from being a child, I had always wanted to, one day, find a propper answer but didn't put much thought into dealing with such BIG discoveries when I made them. It's good you have someone close you can talk about this stuff with - It can be liberating one day and then scary as hell the next (well, for me at least) but I am sure this will settle down once it sinks in a little more.

Si