care and feeding of your aspie

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I have a few more... but no where near the number I need to get to 50k words...so... suggestions are welcome

Agreed. And if I may say so... very badly needed.

I expect you're going to receive some hate mail for suggesting extra play buddies. But in truth it is something that has been on my mind recently.

It seems as though there are only 3 options: end up with someone the same (highly, highly unlikely for quite a few of us), one or both partners forgo their own needs in the relationship (the one most have experience with) or have someone else outside the relationship (which I suspect many would have ethical issues with). To be honest - only the first seems ideal yet it is also the one with the lowest probability (significantly, may I add,) of happening.

To be honest...I thought the same thing... but I know 3 aspies aside from myself in the real world... and... It's odd... but they have all ended up with a match for them, emotionally and sexually...

Statistically speaking, it is unlikely... BUT we have a tendency to be more open about what we need, and that lifts the veil of secrecy and mysticism that most relationships suffer from... I have heard more NTs ask the question "What do you want?" than I care to count...

And once we establish (which can be a chore) a frame of reference with our partner that we don't wear the masks, we don't play the social games... Then we can express our needs, wants and feelings in a way that most NTs find refreshing and endearing... IF they can accept that the games the rest of the NTs play are not going to be present in the relationship.

The two that I am working on right now are SPECIAL INTERESTS! and MELTDOWNS...

I still need more ideas though... Lots of ideas... As I have stated previously, I am working on getting 50k words in this series and then getting it published

Special interests do need to be covered. Too many others still think of it as a hobby rather than as a need. And when I saw need, I mean only one step down from "needing air to breathe" kind of need. Causes far too many incorrect judgements, bad assumptions and unnecessary arguments.

Other topics off the top of my head:

- Shutdowns - most especially, why we cannot make contact with people in order to tell them we are in a shutdown (also sometimes a meltdown will be followed by a shutdown)
- Executive dysfunction - particularly when it comes to procrastinating heroically, time management, getting overwhelmed by tasks, short tem memory issues, verbal memory issues, etc
- Employment - self explanatory, I imagine
- Sleep Issues - seriously, I have noticed many of us need certain things in order to sleep, or simply don't have 24 hour body clocks
- How it presents itself different in women

How about Aspie myths, and how we don't all fit into the stereotypes?

From your blog:
"New situations are scary for us. And by new situations, I mean things that you take for granted. If NTs go to a bar regularly, it is very easy to go to another bar and enjoy themselves. A different bar for an Aspie is something else entirely."

Very true...
It has taken me many months to gain the motivation to start posting here.
This psychological inertia is very tedious...
Presumably we have this inertia because, in part, we see the complexity of each new environment that most NTs fail to appreciate...

Good ideas all... a couple I am going to use... a couple I cannot...
Sleep issues... After conducting a poll and researching...I have found that aspies, often, are able to sleep MORE easily... That is, unless exacerbated by a comorbid condition.

And the gender differences... I do not feel qualified to discuss this... I have discussed with quite a few female friends who have asperger's... and while there is some validity to it... I am not certain it is a mechanism of AS as much as it is a societal construct... Incidents of aspergers in asian countries, for instance show different gender based symptomology than in America and Britain. That indicates an environmental factor, as opposed to a systemic issue. As such, I am not really sure where to go with that... Further... as indicated by my research (both academic and anecdotal)... the mechanisms remain unchanged reguardless of gender.

While it's true they are remarkably similar as far as the AS itself goes, most girls form very different coping mechanisms from guys, the same ones that lead many to not being diagnosed.
I was thinking more of the focus on coping mechanisms. And I have found that to be true across cultures.

I've been keeping my eye out on your webseries for a while now, Ferralucce! Really enjoy the topics Your research is pretty spot on and the way you deliver it is direct, honest, and informative! I hope you keep this going for a while Speaking of, there was a particular quote in that last entry that I found really interesting. It went like...

I think you could probably do an entire (few) post(s) on just that topic in bold alone. Maybe even draw on the experiences you've had (if you want to). Just a suggestion.

Either way, keep up the good writing

Very possibly... As I said, though... I am not sure how I feel writing something that I don't have any first person knowledge of... it would be difficult for me to put it into a frame of reference that I can identify with... which would make it hard to communicate... If that makes any sense?

Part twelve - special interests is live.

CLICKABLE LINK

Thanks again Feralucce. I really related to this one.

Being a fairly newly diagnosed Aspie, a lot of this is still new to me. I was actually considering posting a thread to ask if other people found that their special interests came and went. I have a few that have been around forever, but there are also a lot of things I have been completely obsessed with, and then lost interest in.

In fact, even my husband has commented on this fact. Now you have answered my question for me, and I also have a nice page that I can give him to read, that explains it better than I ever could myself.

Personally, I think you should contact WP to see if you can get your thread 'stickied' in the 'Getting to Know Each Other' forum, where they suggest that new members start off. It is such a good resource for people new to the spectrum, to give them a good understanding of what they are dealing with. I think it would help a lot of people who don't otherwise know where to start.

You humble me.

If the mods feel it should be stickied... then they will do it.

Ah, THANK YOU!! ! This is easily one of the most concise ways to explain a special interest!! ! I really commend you for doing this, Feralucce!! Do you mind if I share your blog as a resource? I know a few people who might benefit from reading what it has to say.

Please, share it... shout it to the four winds... I am writing it as a resource for all, in an effort to improve NT/Aspie relations... and, I would be honored if it was cited as such.