I Believe I may have Aspergers, and here is why:

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Hello everyone. This is my first post. I am a 29 year old female, and I have always felt like I don't belong in this world. Recently, by chance, I came upon Aspergers symptoms and it sounds like me so much that I really believe this is what I have. I would love to hear the thoughts of others here, based on why I believe I have Aspergers. 

My "quirks":

Hand flapping when excited (started as a baby and continued until about elementary school when I realized I was being laughed at and teased when I did it). Loves to roll around, bounce, and spin as a child. I love rollar coasters. I also love driving because the movement calms me down. 

Rocking my hips side to side whenever standing still (waiting in line especially). It looks more natural when I am holding a baby, but strange otherwise to others (so I'm told when I get called out on it). I am not usually aware that I am doing it unless someone calls me out on it. I also move my feet in circles and rock bsck and forth a lot when sitting. And I stare off into "nothing" a lot. Zone out. 

Very often, I licked and bit my lips as a child, which resulted in painfully chapped lips AND face all around my lips (looked like clown lips). As painful as it was, I also enjoyed this particular sensation of pain when biting my lips. I still do the lip biting as an adult, but not so much the licking. I've found other times in my life when injuring myself felt better than not doing it: I would scrape my wrists on the hard carpet floor back and forth until they were raw while sitting in school, particularly in music class because I felt too much stimulation, and as a teenager and young adult, I found much relief in cutting myself. 

It feels painful to look most people in the eyes unless they are loved or well known ones. I avoided it completely in my younger years. Now I have to consciously force myself to do it as an adult when I have to interact with others. 

It is REALLY difficult for me to talk on the phone. A little easier if I have a script or a general idea of how the conversation will go. Nearly impossible if I have no idea what to expect. I much prefer e-mails or texting because I have time to formulate and process my thoughts. I also have EXTREME anxiety just thinking about having to have a conversation over the phone. 

I have always dreaded and had trouble with working in groups, much preferring to work on my own independently. 

I have always had trouble interacting with others, especially my peers in my school age days. It felt as if I had missed the rule book on how to socialize. Everyone else just seemed to naturally understand, and I just did not get it. Whenever I tried interacting with my peers, it resulted in me being laughed at, teased, or bullied. I wanted to fit in so badly but ever was able to, despite studying others interact all day and trying to buy the same fashion and fads so I didn't stand out as much. I was always bullied. It was really really really hard to go to school every day, and I used to fake sick to stay home a lot. 

95% of the time, I never spoke in school. I never knew why, but it was REALLY hard for me. I always felt overloaded and anxious. I could speak easier to teachers one on one than I could speak to my peers. I later learned that this was sective mutism.  

I hate crowds. Too many people and noises and confusion. 

I have always had only one or two close friends at a time. 

As a child, I hated baths, getting my fingernails or hair trimmed, brushing my hair and teeth, vacuums, clothing tags, sock seams, turtlenecks, leggings with the strap that went under my foot (90's fashion lol), florescent lighting, and probably a lot more things too that I'm drawing a blank on at the moment. 

I had routines that had to happen in order for me to feel "okay". For example, as a child, on my way to daycare I had to shout "WESTFIELD!! !" when we passed a specific gas station in the next town over where my day care was (I would be very upset if I missed it), I had to watch teenage mutant ninja turtles every weeknight it was on, and every night before bed, I had to watch Looney Toons until Tom & Jerry was over. I had to have my Mom say goodnight a certain way and she had to leave my door open a crack and the hallway light on. I would feel out of control inside if these things didn't happen this way.

I had a stuffed puffalump cat and 3 blankets that were my "lovies". I had to have them at all times when I was little.

I learned to read very early, age 3. I loved it. Still do. 

I remember enjoying knowing the rules in school, and following the ones that made sense to me. I really disliked rules that did not make sense to me, such as writing the same sentence over and over when I already know how to do it. I truly hated what I senced was "busy work". I hated being forced to nap in daycare when I wasn't tired and did not nap at home. 

I had a really hard time paying attention in class, especially if I was not interested in the topic. 

I had a hard time taking notes because I didn't know what was important to write down. I also had a hard time both writing and listening (multi tasking). I still cannot multitask to save my life.

I had to have my school supplies on my desk a certain way before I could ever begin to pay attention. Other children would purposely move my things just to see me get upset and then laugh at me. 

I still have a great need to have my surroundings "just so". It has to make sense to me. When I know where things are, I feel calm. When I don't, I feel chaos. 

I had many obsessions and collections over the years and still do, much as: stuffed animals, elephants, cats, Pokemon cards, pogs, video games, The Backstreet Boys (teenage years), yarn, photography (it's my career), drawing, art journaling, painting, and I'm sure there's a few more I'm missing at the moment. 

I would play with my toys by arranging them. Toy cars, barbies, dolls, stuffed animals. I only accepted specific outfits for specific barbies or dolls - got upset if someone changed it. Loved studying the pictures and feeling the textures on my blocks. 

Could play okay with others as a child when I could be the boss and tell everyone how to play. Otherwise it was very difficult for me.

Tendancy to take things literally, as a child and an adult. I remember one time, in daycare, everyone was playing house. Someone asked; "who wants to be the son?" I jumped at the chance because I loved the idea of being the bright sun in the sky shining down on everyone. Then I was told "You can't be the son, you're a girl!" and I got mad because I couldn't see why the sun couldn't be a girl. I had never heard the term "son" for a boy child and had no idea the same word could mean 2 different things. 

I have a lot of trouble accomplishing anything at all (even mundane things such as dinner) unless I have a well thought out plan ahead of time. I can't think of anything to make for dinner if I don't know in advance, and on those days I'll do takeout because it's easier. 

I'm sure there is more that I am not thinking of at the moment, but thus far, this is why I believe I may have Aspergers. I would love to hear the opinions of others here on whether you believe Aspergers is a possibility for me. It seems to be the only thing that truly fits for me after a lifetime of being diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which seem to be a result of why I've always felt different, and not the root of my problems. Aspergers explains the whole picture for me, in my point of view. What do you think?

Obviously I don't know you, and only a professional can give you a for sure diagnosis, from what you have listed here it would probably be a good idea to go and get evaluated by a psychologist or someone who can diagnose you.

Personally I find it hard to believe you hand flap when excited and have social problems and don't have autism.
Though I guess you could be BAP (broad autistic phenotype) which is where you have autistic traits but don't meet diagnosis but since it sounds like your social problems really impact you life significantly I would bet Aspergers.

Also technically aspergers does not exist and it is all just "Autism Spectrum Disorder" with diffrent degress of severity, here is the offical diagnostic criteria:
Diagnostic Criteria

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive, see text):

1. Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted repetitive patterns of behavior (see Table 2).

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypies, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns or verbal nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat food every day).

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g, strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interest).

4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interests in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g., apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

Specify current severity:

Severity is based on social communication impairments and restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior (see Table 2).

C. Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

D. Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

E. These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

Note: Individuals with a well-established DSM-IV diagnosis of autistic disorder, Asperger’s disorder, or pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified should be given the diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder. Individuals who have marked deficits in social communication, but whose symptoms do not otherwise meet criteria for autism spectrum disorder, should be evaluated for social (pragmatic) communication disorder.

Specify if:
With or without accompanying intellectual impairment
With or without accompanying language impairment
Associated with a known medical or genetic condition or environmental factor
(Coding note: Use additional code to identify the associated medical or genetic condition.)
Associated with another neurodevelopmental, mental, or behavioral disorder
(Coding note: Use additional code[s] to identify the associated neurodevelopmental, mental, or behavioral disorder[s].)
With catatonia (refer to the criteria for catatonia associated with another mental disorder, pp. 119-120, for definition) (Coding note: Use additional code 293.89 [F06.1] catatonia associated with autism spectrum disorder to indicate the presence of the comorbid catatonia.)
Table 2 Severity levels for autism spectrum disorder

Severity level

Social communication

Restricted, repetitive behaviors

Level 3
"Requiring very substantial support”
Severe deficits in verbal and nonverbal social communication skills cause severe impairments in functioning, very limited initiation of social interactions, and minimal response to social overtures from others. For example, a person with few words of intelligible speech who rarely initiates interaction and, when he or she does, makes unusual approaches to meet needs only and responds to only very direct social approaches
Inflexibility of behavior, extreme difficulty coping with change, or other restricted/repetitive behaviors markedly interfere with functioning in all spheres. Great distress/difficulty changing focus or action.
Level 2
"Requiring substantial support”
Marked deficits in verbal and nonverbal social communication skills; social impairments apparent even with supports in place; limited initiation of social interactions; and reduced or abnormal responses to social overtures from others. For example, a person who speaks simple sentences, whose interaction is limited to narrow special interests, and how has markedly odd nonverbal communication.
Inflexibility of behavior, difficulty coping with change, or other restricted/repetitive behaviors appear frequently enough to be obvious to the casual observer and interfere with functioning in a variety of contexts. Distress and/or difficulty changing focus or action.
Level 1
"Requiring support”
Without supports in place, deficits in social communication cause noticeable impairments. Difficulty initiating social interactions, and clear examples of atypical or unsuccessful response to social overtures of others. May appear to have decreased interest in social interactions. For example, a person who is able to speak in full sentences and engages in communication but whose to- and-fro conversation with others fails, and whose attempts to make friends are odd and typically unsuccessful.
Inflexibility of behavior causes significant interference with functioning in one or more contexts. Difficulty switching between activities. Problems of organization and planning hamper independence.

Hey alindsayleedream welcome.

From what you wrote I would say yes. Although I am not able to diagnose as I am not a therapist nor phychologist. That being said I think that if you feel that you need a diagnosis to best help you than go for it. I was diagnosed after a year of knowing that I was autistic. It was in response to a situation which drove me to severe depression and anxiety to the point of thinking about suicide and self harm. I was diagnosed to best help understand the genesis or cause of my depression and anxiety, and how to overcome them.

Thank you for the replies. I know that it's no longer possible to be officially diagnosed with Aspergers, but it's what I most identify with. I can see myself in the official diagnosis material as well. I am going to be seeking an official diagnosis so I can have some validation. I feel that I have it, but I really need that validation because I want to be taken seriously by my family. I find so many things so difficult.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!