Is it possible to have 'the wrong' Asperger traits?

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

Aspberry
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8

19 Jun 2011, 7:56 pm

I don't look like the stereotypical Aspie (in some NTs point of view). Have learned to give eye-contact and smile.

However, I make subtle social mistakes which actually come off as having negative personality traits rather than Aspergers.

For example, I consider myself a realist (pessimist) due to numerous social failures in the past. I don't expect that people will bend over backwards to hire me because i've been rejected in the past! (I come off a bit weird and negative; a friend actually said "desperate").

Thus, rather than coming off as Asperger-like (in NTs view), people think I'm rigid and perhaps a little spooky. I have a hard time telling people how I really view the world - and couch it in positive, breezy terms. (NTs do this quite well)

I don't know exactly what turns off potential employers, but it is probably a combination of the above. It is not an obvious "shyness" - more like a bad vibe and a negative-seeming disposition.

I'm guessing it is part of Asperger's, because if I were NT I would be able to hide it better! :oops:

Thank you for reading this rambling post. Just wondering if some of us are not getting hired (or keeping jobs), because we have 'the wrong' Asperger traits (ie traits that don't look like Asperger's but seem more like negative personality traits, like laziness, obstinacy, and so forth)?



glasscasket
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jun 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 160
Location: In a sea of dreams and nightmares

19 Jun 2011, 8:33 pm

Well, there is that saying, "If you met one autistic person (or Aspie, pretty much the same thing), you met ONE autistic person". Very true. NTs tend to misinterpret our communication and body language, some Aspies adapt socially better than others. The pessimistic traits probably come from being rejected in the past. I never got hired at a job except for one (only because a former friend of mine knew someone who worked at that place) because I can't hide my nervousness and I seem unfocused and I completely forget what I was going to say. I am not lazy if I have confidence and encouragement from my peers, and I am good at following directions. But I sucked at faking friendliness when I greeted customers, I think everyone saw right throught that. My job ended in about 2 months. I showed up at work one day only to be told that they gave another employee my hours so that they couldn't say that they fired me. No explanation was given to me. It makes me angry just thinking about that. Discrimination is illegal but yet people find ways to get away with it. I did everything that I was supposed to and always showed up on time, and I was nice to everyone even when I felt like ripping someone's head off.



Peko
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,381
Location: Eastern PA, USA

19 Jun 2011, 8:55 pm

Maybe you've learned to hide your symptoms so well that the few that remain look like bad NT traits or just bad quirks to the majority populous rather than an actual "issue"?


_________________
Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to.


Aspberry
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8

19 Jun 2011, 11:28 pm

Peko wrote:
Maybe you've learned to hide your symptoms so well that the few that remain look like bad NT traits or just bad quirks to the majority populous rather than an actual "issue"?


You nailed it- that is exactly what is happening. Can't say I hide symptoms well but do smile and give eye-contact, and try best to respond to what the other person is saying (ie not talk too much about self). But in effort to come up with something appropriate, I maybe come on too strong. For example, responding point for point to someone's self disclosure and it coming off as NT-nosey or pushy or something.



Aspberry
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8

19 Jun 2011, 11:38 pm

glasscasket wrote:
Well, there is that saying, "If you met one autistic person (or Aspie, pretty much the same thing), you met ONE autistic person". Very true. NTs tend to misinterpret our communication and body language, some Aspies adapt socially better than others. The pessimistic traits probably come from being rejected in the past. I never got hired at a job except for one (only because a former friend of mine knew someone who worked at that place) because I can't hide my nervousness and I seem unfocused and I completely forget what I was going to say. I am not lazy if I have confidence and encouragement from my peers, and I am good at following directions. But I sucked at faking friendliness when I greeted customers, I think everyone saw right throught that. My job ended in about 2 months. I showed up at work one day only to be told that they gave another employee my hours so that they couldn't say that they fired me. No explanation was given to me. It makes me angry just thinking about that. Discrimination is illegal but yet people find ways to get away with it. I did everything that I was supposed to and always showed up on time, and I was nice to everyone even when I felt like ripping someone's head off.


That has been my work experience also. I had jobs dealing with customers, but people could probably see through the facade. It is hard to fake friendliness; if you don't feel like smiling, how can you fake a smile? Even harder is faking positive affect or emotion. Some stuff just can't easily be faked.



glasscasket
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jun 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 160
Location: In a sea of dreams and nightmares

20 Jun 2011, 2:04 am

Aspberry wrote:
glasscasket wrote:
Well, there is that saying, "If you met one autistic person (or Aspie, pretty much the same thing), you met ONE autistic person". Very true. NTs tend to misinterpret our communication and body language, some Aspies adapt socially better than others. The pessimistic traits probably come from being rejected in the past. I never got hired at a job except for one (only because a former friend of mine knew someone who worked at that place) because I can't hide my nervousness and I seem unfocused and I completely forget what I was going to say. I am not lazy if I have confidence and encouragement from my peers, and I am good at following directions. But I sucked at faking friendliness when I greeted customers, I think everyone saw right throught that. My job ended in about 2 months. I showed up at work one day only to be told that they gave another employee my hours so that they couldn't say that they fired me. No explanation was given to me. It makes me angry just thinking about that. Discrimination is illegal but yet people find ways to get away with it. I did everything that I was supposed to and always showed up on time, and I was nice to everyone even when I felt like ripping someone's head off.


That has been my work experience also. I had jobs dealing with customers, but people could probably see through the facade. It is hard to fake friendliness; if you don't feel like smiling, how can you fake a smile? Even harder is faking positive affect or emotion. Some stuff just can't easily be faked.

Most NTs are not comfortable getting their coffee and doughnuts from someone who is obviously not in a good mood and are not able to hide that. Well, wtf were they afraid of?! I would never resort to immature tactics like spitting in their food or drink. I rang up their order and gave them what they ordered, I made sure they got the right amount of sweetener and cream/milk in their coffee, black coffee, whatever they preferred. But I cannot be the bubbly cheerful employee. Apparently that matters more than getting a customer's order right and giving them the correct amount of change. I usually worked in the morning, so didn't everyone have work or other better things to do than worry about my attitude that I tried to hide? If I order something to eat and drink, my main concern would be to get my order, get out and go on with my day.