Someone Marry Barry, Aspergers and Aspartners

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Holy cr@p. I had no idea about that meaning...!

You said it better than I could ever have!

Wow! I didn't know it meant that either. Oh man!

So, she was just being a evil, cackling, witch to me? I thought I put forth logical questions. I expected logical responses back. Thanks for the subtext both you and Mikassyna.

So, was there a different way to approach it to obtain actual logical answers to my questions?

http://whyifailedinamerica1.wordpress.c ... rticulars/

I also sent what I wrote here to Mr. Tommy Sotomayor what I believed was the issue. I thought the issue was pragmatics. Momsparky has mentioned pragmatic issues plenty of times which I totally agree. I don't think pragmatic issues are localized to the Autism community only. Consider Tommy Sotomayor and his followers as protagonists and those who are against him as antagonists. When Tommy says in an abstract sense that Entities are x is he really meaning the universal affirmative or the particular affirmative?

I think we may have misunderstood what Tarantella was conveying when she was saying that her ex-bf was both AS and clueless. We thought she was talking in the universal affirmative when she really was talking in the particular affirmative.

I have seen other cases of this on different forums and IRL. The protagonists in an argument are trying to convey a particular affirmative and the antagonists think a universal affirmative is being conveyed.

I tried to convey something along the lines to Mr. Sotomayor but I received no response not even to curse me out. I wanted to discuss this fascinating find with him. I wonder why he didn't want to discuss it. Did I do something wrong in what I conveyed to him in an email?

Cubedemon,

I did not watch the video b/c my son is home and I was not sure if that was a good idea. So, I am only going from your descriptions and the descriptions of your correspondence. I don't think there is any way of wording things to some people to make them give you an intelligent response. I do not know if what this person says is meant to be shock-jock type comedy, or he is just a jerk, but his minion seem to be jerks also.

Edited to add: I looked him up and he is indeed some kind of radio personality, so I would guess that he is being intentionally inflammatory to boost ratings. I do not think this is a person who intends to educate, and based on what I have read, he seems to offend people on a regular basis.

I don't know why a man is talking about weaves and such, as it is not a male thing. I don't know who he is, but I am sure womankind has not been waiting desperately for his opinions on female grooming options. He is probably just a big jerk.

Last edited by ASDMommyASDKid on 24 Jun 2014, 2:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just a tip for you, cubedemon -- I've noticed that you often pack 3 or 4 different questions in one post. Sometimes it comes across as argumentative, although I'm sure that is not your intent. You might get better responses if you asked one question at a time, wait for that one to be answered, then ask your next question in a different post.

I have worked for dot.coms in the past and have had a lot of exposure to the less than kind side of the internet. Including being a mod for forums and old school bbs message boards as part of my job. The answer is deceptively simple. If you run across someone who is unkind/hate filled/irrational/ angry about someone who did nothing to them ="uncouth and lacks social skills" you just simply don't engage.

If you find a site run by those people, you stay away. The truth is for whatever reason they are unable to have a meaningful conversation. Often if one digs far enough you find that they have some psychological reason for there uncontrolled hate, sometimes they are just bullies. Occasionally you find some that do it as part of some "shock jock" persona. Luckily it doesn't really matter for the next logical step, once IDed as hate filled or overly aggressive you just remove yourself from the situation. If it is a place you want to continue to participate you block or manually ignore them. If you don't care about the place just leave and find another place that fits your special interests or to get information.

Hate and meanness are born out of ignorance and is not logical. You will never get anything logical out of a person who is not logical. People find these people either to feed their own hate(either for the side or against) or for some crazy idea that they can change them. You can only change someone with an open mind and since the clearly don't or they wouldn't fit into "angry about someone who did nothing to them" category. I am not saying that bullies and bigots can't change, I am just saying you statically are never going to do it on the internet. They are drama/hate junkies and you are part of their fix.

I think that trying to explore a very pedestrian issue with a sophisticated approach is where you fell flat. If you had approached this topic from the angle you did with more professorial/academic types who value intelligent exchange of ideas, I think your points would have been better received. They did not appreciate your sincere quest for answers with the same sincerity that you approached them. I believe that also it becomes an art to know when is the right time to back off a discussion when there is no point in going further, because the other side is unwilling to engage or discuss a topic on the same plane of thinking. Pressing further on the matter may result in people cutting you off with "violins."

because i am an overly-analytical person myself (and hyper-critical of myself) so i know where you're coming from. most of the time i also think my analytical abilities are positive traits, but there is such a thing as "too much of a good thing". i do believe we should never be unwilling to challenge ourselves and our beliefs/perceptions/understanding, but i also believe it's possible to get stuck in that mode and cross over into obsessiveness which is just frustrating and not healthy. i am still in the process of learning the difference between things that need further examination and things that i need to just accept as they are and let go because i cannot change/effect them, or perhaps cannot understand. that last bit is usually the hardest for me to accept, things i am unable to understand for whatever reason--but it's important to be able to recognise one's own limitations. there are some things i will never understand, some "ultimate" truths i will never find (if they exist)--and that's ok, because that is universally true for every human being. my perception and my understanding, being human, will always be imperfect. also, you can get so caught up in the analysis of life that you forget to actually live it in the process--it's like when you go on vacation with your family, if you stay behind the camera the whole time taking pictures of everything instead of participating you miss out on a lot of the fun.

What do you meaby pedestrian issue? I tried to look up the phrase but found nothing?

Hi guys. I'm back! Sorry to be gone so long, my job actually wanted me to do work today- the selfish jerks. Anyway, this thread has certainly taken on a life of its own, hasn't it?

Cubedemon, I'm going to try to address some of your questions. It's not going to be easy, because the answers are complex. I'm also a math person and haven't studied sociology or anthropology much, but I'll give it my best shot. Finally, I tend to be very direct, so I apologize if I come across strongly. I do appreciate the spirit with which your questions were asked!

1) I don't know Tommy Sotomayor. I don't live in Atlanta, where Google told me he was based. I don't know his positions or any of that. Being black doesn't mean that I know or have heard of every black famous (or semi famous) person. Why do you ask about him? Does your wife listen to him?

2) Weaves - man, this is going to be tough. You've asked multiple questions rolled up in one. Some of your questions are technical, and others are sociological. Technical first, since it's easiest. A weave is sometimes called a hair hat because to apply one, you add additional hair on top of your own. There are several mechanisms by which to do this, but all result in a kind of "hat" of hair that did not grow out of your head. Just like a wig is technically a "hair hat".

Sociological - why do some people complain about black women wearing weaves? It's because they perceive it as a sort of self hatred. Most women of Sub-Saharan African origin have curly or kinky air. Think: afros from the 70s. This is how our hair grows out of our heads. But, women who wear weaves and wigs usually get hair that is long and silky, in essence the complete opposite of their natural hair texture.

Why would this be perceived as self-hatred? Because, many believe that black women have been taught by society since birth to hate their "black" features. For most of this country's history, wide noses, full lips, big behinds, dark skin, and kinky hair have not been the beauty ideal (not every black person shares those features, but they are more commonly found in the black population than the white.) The ideal is driven by the majority population in any one place, and here, the beauty ideal was driven by Euro centric white people. Ultra-skinny, light skin, fine features, straight blonde hair, light eyes, huge breasts. Because of this, many black women grow up thinking that they are ugly, just like many white girls grow up thinking that they are fat.

Many people believe that self-love means accepting your body as it was made, without feeling the need to alter it. And, it's especially troubling to these people when the manner in which you alter your body is such that you change something specific to your culture (kinky hair) in favor of something that is specific to someone else's (silky straight hair).

Does this help at all? If so, I'll address the African American culture question in a separate post.

Edited to add: When I say that many black women grow up thinking that they are ugly, that's an oversimplification and not really true. There ends up being a sliding scale of attractiveness based in part on white standards of beauty that are not mirrored in African countries, where blacks are the majority. So, beauty for black girls is determined on a scale of how light your skin is (doesn't have to be white), how tightly your hair is curled (silky and loose being better), how wide your nose it, etc. These are all ideals that are not based on our genetics, but have managed to permeate our community.

Last edited by pddtwinmom on 24 Jun 2014, 6:16 pm, edited 2 times in total.

pedestrian - common, plebeian

I know where you're coming from as well. Oh, I'm definitely hyper-critical of myself and 2nd and 3rd guess myself all the time. It was a way of my trying to cope and adapt to forgetting things. I can inadvertently do this with my wife which she calls double and triple checking her. I really am trying to get a handle on this.

I would like to tell an incident that happened. We live south of the city of Atlanta. In the Metro Atlanta Area, one has to pay for parking and in some parking areas one has to put his sticker in which it was visibly scene. This means the person checking it has to see it right away or in about a second. Let's say he tried to sit there and look for it. It may take him about 6 seconds. Imagine he has to inspect 30 cars. If he did the look quickly on a glance on the 1 second thing then it would take about 30 seconds to inspect each car. If he has to do it for 6 seconds then it is 180 seconds for 30 cars which is 3 minutes. 30 seconds vs. 3 minutes.

My wife did place it but did not double check to make sure it was visibly scene and did not think of it. She needed to place it on the right part of the dashboard. What was strange to me was that she blamed them. She was upset and got into an argument with them. When she calmed down and a few days later I sat down explained this to her. We ended up having to pay a $75 fee to have the boot removed from her tire. If I was there this wouldn't have happened at all. Things like this just frustrate me and her blaming them when it was obvious to me that she did not make it visibly scene and she should've double checked it. A lot of people seem to do this, think they put down parking pass down correctly and never double check it. They blame the people for booting them when the truth was when those who booted the vehicle was following policy. Why do a number of people in Atlanta do this? It is so frustrating.

This is not the only thing in which people don't think things through and it just frustrates the heck out of me. Sorry for my vent.



Oh yeah, it is too much of a good thing.



This is what happens to me all of the time. It is called analysis paralysis. It can be not only frustrating but it can be debilitating and can make it very difficult to get things done that truthfully need to be done. Do you have any tips that you use on yourself?



I guess I need to actually start the process of doing the things you're in the process and just accept certain things. I'm starting to understand my own limitations and it seems like my best attributes can be my Achilles heel. It is so strange though that a trait can be both positive and negative at the same time. That last bit is the hardest for me to accept as well. My wife has said that she accepts certain things as they are. Her favorite phrase is "It is, what it is." I guess I should sort of incorporate that as well. It is just so difficult to do though. It is just difficult for me to accept things as they are. How do people just do sort of a thing? I guess it is a personality trait as well. My wife is ISTJ. http://www.16personalities.com/istj-personality

Our personality traits can clash and I can tell you certain aspects of her personality can frustrate me sometimes. She does have awesome personality traits that I love and one of them is that she is very direct with me. She will tell me what is up or if I have offended her.



Yeah and you're right. I realized that through Gödel's Incompleteness Theorems. A system can never be complete and consistent.



That is so true. Maybe I do got to reduce my analyzing and simply live my life.

No, she doesn't listen to him. I stumbled upon him by accident. Some of the things he said made no sense. He seems to be so uncouth and lack social skills so I didn't understand how he was able to be so successful yet we autistics have difficulties doing so. When I observe other folks like him what social skills are we supposed to learn?

I apologize if I bombarded you with a lot of questions. I didn't mean to overwhelm or offend you if I did.

I'm sorry you had a rotten day at work. It just seems like that no matter what group you go in and what culture you go into there is always the jerks who seem to screw things up.

As I'm beginning to understand things I am wondering if the word Neurotypical is to simple of a classification schema.

Last edited by cubedemon6073 on 24 Jun 2014, 6:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Got it!