gaming addict

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me and my hubby are both quiet and withdrawn. my hubby is a TV addict he spends lots of time watching TV or goes out just to watch movies.

My son has turned into a gaming addict. he is hooked the moment he comes back from school. then he keeps on playing for hours and hours.

morning first thing he wakes up and goes on to the games. then he has breakfast simultaneously playing games, he has lunch simultaneously playing games.

he stopped going out and playing or socialising. anyhow we live in a area with bad background and there are hardly any kids to play here.

he is 12 now and i am worried for him since he doesnt read books, or draw, or paint but is heavily into gaming, mobile and gadgets.

I would be worried, too.

You should strongly encourage him to do other things other than play video games.

Does he have friends who do things like play soccer (football), or cricket?

No
Thats a major issue
If he had situation would be different

Are there clubs in his school which deal with what he is interested in--even if it's a video game club?

Thank god its not there
He would end up playing there also
I had enrolled him in karate and football
But now he dropped out

Is he interested in something pertaining to science, or art?

No offense, but it seems like this has been going on for quite awhile... why was he ever allowed this much screen time to begin with?

My daughter was headed down a similar path but once we realized that she was getting addicted to her games AND that the reason was because WE were being lazy about it because it was easy for us, we changed a few things.

1) not allowed any screen time until ALL homework is complete.
2) not allowed any screen time unless regular exercise is occurring. Running, walking biking, we don't care. Excersize must occur 6 days per week (exceptions for bad weather, don't want her out in a storm or on the ice). Turns out she rather likes running and biking. She can't wait to join cross country when she is old enough.
3) If we are doing something as a family, she must participate.
4)No electronics or TV before 7am, none after 9:30pm. If homework took longer, that's too bad. IF we went out to dinner, too bad. If we went to the park, too bad. Had to take a shower? Too bad. Normal rules apply, no exceptions over "fairness".

The first few months were rough and involved, well, lots of screaming and crying. But she was 7 and she eventually got over it. Your boy is now 12, I'm betting it's going to be a lot harder due to his age and you letting this go on for too long.

Two thoughts...the first of which is not going to be popular, but...oh, well!

Gaming has some pretty sophisticated socializing involved, depending upon what he's actually playing. My son plays games online with IRL friends and "friends" he has met online, although there is a rule in our house...the only way someone is an online friend is if someone you know IRL has met them IRL. Otherwise, they are not friends, and they could actually be creepy grown-ups. Anyway, he wears a gaming headset and there is lot of interaction going on. There are also a lot of social rules that, frankly, I can't keep up with, but both of my socially-challenged kids have managed to learn. So, there may be more to it than you think. Plus, while my son feels awkward and nerdy IRL, he is skilled at gaming, so he feels "cooler" in that circle.

Second...I agree with CWA. You have to set rules and stick with them. I don't personally tend to restrict my kids' online time during the school year if homework is done because it is their preferred way to unwind. But there are certain things that must happen in order to have unrestricted access to the computer. Reading, exercise, spending time with family doing something else, etc. I prefer not to pose it as I am restricting their game time, but rather that as long as they meet their other responsibilities, they can have unlimited access to gaming in their free time. You just have to make sure you are eating up some of the "free time" with other things, so that it isn't free. Maybe you and your husband could take something up with him, like geocaching or something similar to gaming, only more active.

My son would play computer and video games 24/7 if I let him. During the school year, he has to finish his homework before he can play. During the summer he gets to play more, but he also has chores/tasks to do around the house. Also, sometimes I just say 'no' and make him find some other way to amuse himself. He and his sister argue a lot these days, though, so sometimes it's better for both of them (and me!) to let him play.

If i shut his games he switches on TV
But doesnt pick up other activity like art etc

... yes it requires follow through and participation on the part of the parent. We walk/run/bike with our daughter to the park. We make sure she does her homework. We give her tasks to do and make sure she does them. If its a weekend we go out so that kids aren't just idle around the house.

Also I would suspect that MOST 12 year old boys would not choose art over... anything else if given the choice. IF you want him to do art, or go for a bike ride, or whatever.... give him limited options. There have been times Ive told her "your choices are 1)clean the cat litter boxes or 2) go for a bike ride or 3) sit in the corner with nothing to do."

Stop letting the activities be open ended do whatever you want. Tell him he gets 1 hour of tv per day and then help him fill the rest of the day with other stuff. If you don't help him find other things to do, he won't.

My thoughts likely not to be popular. I am very pro-computer and don't think there is anything intrinsically better about doing things like art the traditional way vs graphic art design or 3D rendering. Has your son expressed interest in art before, or is it just that you want him expanding his horizons past the computer?

If it is the later, then you might want to see if he likes doing anything other than games on the computer. If it is just games, then maybe he would be interested in learning how to program games, or do graphics for games. if he has other interests, you could encourage him to do that on the computer as well, and those interests may end up leading to non-computer-related activities. Maybe start by limiting the games and helping him use the computer to expand his interests?

My son is 11, and he spends a lot of time on the computer, but a lot of it is educational. There are programs for music and art, and he likes to learn about math on Khan Academy and he looks for You Tube videos to watch for math, also. He also plays games, but not all the time.

We have a structured time for exercise, also, which seems to make it a little easier. We try to tie in his other interests into it. He likes cats, so we call it cat pouncing time. He also likes Japanese, so we try to show him some Japanese exercises, too. If your son likes games, maybe there are moves from the game he likes that could be replicated as exercises?

My son is like this, too. If we let him, not only would he be glued to an electronic device permanently, he would be a raging, screaming mess. I doubt he would eat or sleep (we have a lot of trouble with him sneaking either gaming or his phone or computer while we are asleep and he is supposed to be asleep - I caught him once coming up from the basement where the Xbox is at 3am)

Our house rules are that to get-access-to-X-you-need-to-do-Y-first. During the summer, we require chores be done and 20 minutes of reading - I bought a little book timer and light. During the school year, we are more restrictive. We don't take gaming away entirely, because he does use it to unwind...but sometimes that backfires.

One of the things I did this week that he successfully completed on the computer (graphic design isn't a bad idea, either) was I used a story prompt generator ( http://www.springhole.net/writing_rolep ... otgens.htm ) and required him to email me a story before he could access any "fun" content or game.

He just doesn't have the skills to stop himself from being taken completely over by video gaming, so for the time being, we do it for him while letting him know that he needs to learn to do that himself, as he's going to be independent someday and will need to keep up with chores and work on his own.

BTW - it can be really challenging to keep a very determined child away from their electronics. We keep the controllers under our bed now, and his phone gets plugged into my computer near where I sleep. I have a friend who simply locks all the electronics in a closet at night, and another that threads a padlock through the plug. We have a dual-band router and have him on the guest network, which we can turn off at night (he has a chromebook, so there's nothing on it that interests him without the internet.)

Oh, and I forgot - we gave him unlimited time playing active Kinect games for exercise, and he has to participate in something physical - currently Judo, formerly parkour - in order to get game time.

This is not about gaming...this is about his emotional state.

It is all about avoiding painful emotions...he is unhappy...your marriage/home environment is unhealthy and unhappy...and so what does he do??....avoid the pain

He feels your misery and that of your husband...he is suffering and so he is "dosing" himself with gaming.

He feels unhappy, tense, afraid....so he retreats into the online world were he can at least try to escape, try to numb his pain.

Some numb their pain with drugs, gambling...in his case he uses gaming to try to not feel the pain.

Forcing him to stop will merely create resentment, anger, even rage.

Unless his emotional health is addressed, his addiction will continue.

The same thing worries me...too much of anything is problematic...particularly something sedentary.

One thing I've noticed with my son is that gaming gave him a common lexicon and culture with which he could socialize with other kids, with ease and confidence in his expertise. While I am not always comfortable with his time spent on media, and have had to design rules to limit it with his input, I have to admit it helped him establish common ground with others.

Also, some types of games are more social than others. It can be practice for the quote unquote real world. It'd be cool if he could play with someone else.

I'm not saying don't worry...just that you might navigate some path that makes all of you happier.