About a Teacher, Advice?

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Ok, my son started school this year, his first year ever. The first day of school, his teacher told me and him that he was "acting ugly", which I told her to never tell him that again, to give him clear concrete literal language. He gets more work sent back home, than the other students, cause he doesn't get to finish all sometimes going to his EC class, so it gets sent home Inc, which I make him finish at home on top of his homework.
The class is going on a field trip, I didn't find out about it until my friend calls me and asks me if I'm going to let my DS go, (our children are in the same class), I told her I had no idea that there was a field trip, that I never got a permission slip, and that I also didn't get his book for reading block. I went to his school today and talked with the teacher and brought up that he must have "lost" his permission slip, and she gave me a nasty look, and she did a brief search, and couldn't find one, she said she would get her asst to look for it, and then looked at my DS and told him to remind her to get him a permission slip, which she knows he will not do, not that he was paying her any attn, getting his school day started, putting his homework bag up, putting bookbag away, jacket away, and flipping his card over. I also told her that my DS didn't get his reading block book, and she said he was supposed to remember to get it.
So today after speaking with her, when my DS gets home I am expecting a field trip permission slip and a reading block book. He has neither. The teacher has forgot about my child two days in a row. Its completely inexcusable. Especially after I went and talked to her.
Everyone I've talked to that have had kids in her class before said that she can be a very mean teacher, and that she was a very sarcastic and somewhat snide. I've asked a few people for advice and they said that I need to go to the principal, or the asst principal. I don't want to make her mad, cause well, me and my DS are stuck with her for this school year, and I need her to communicate with me.

Please...make an appointment to see the school principal and have your child transferred to another classroom, with a more understanding teaacher, for his grade level within the same school, if it is at all possible. If changing classrooms is not possible, then discuss the problems you are having with the principal and ask for his/her assistance in addressing this problem.

Your child has a right to an education and to be treated with dignity and respect in spite of his learning difficulties.

They will not transfer him to another class, my only alternative is full EC, but he is too high functioning to have to be put there. It's not only me that has noticed the way she treats him, but my friend too, especially when her DD tells her of things that happen in school, my DS doesn't just volunteer that info with me, it's like playing a detective game with him asking the right questions.
I was thinking of writing her a note in his homework bag, saying "DS must have forgot to remind you about the permission slip, I didn't see it in his homework bag."
that way I'm not sounding rude.

Does your child have an IEP scheduled?

I'm still not exactly sure what an IEP is. We're fresh to the school thing, this is the third week of school.

If your child is on the spectrum you NEED to know about an IEP. It's an Individualized Education Plan and it's essentially the legislated requirement that means the school must accommodate your child's needs. Without it you are relatively powerless. Make an appointment right away to speak with the Principal about an IEP, and start googling IEP + your state's name to do your OWN research - don't rely on the school to help you with this as some have your child's best interests at heart but more have their own.

I do believe I did one, I think he had to do that in order to be put in EC (we call it Exception Children ), he's mainstream 80% and EC 20%
That was considered the mid level, its that or 100% mainstream or EC.

Have you talked to the teacher in charge of the EC room/program? She/he may be able to help you communicate with your son's teacher. I don't know how old your boy is but no teacher should expect a child in the early years of elementary to remember all the stuff it seems like this teacher expects. Special needs or not. Kids forget. Can't she pin the permission slip to his book bag or something? (That's what my teachers always did ) She sounds awful. Did they say why they won't transfer him to another class?

I'm an education student taking a class on students with exceptionalities. We haven't gotten to the IEP section yet, but it's my understanding that an IEP meeting can be pretty intense--should have included this teacher as well as the principal, the EC teacher, you and your son, and perhaps the psychologist or whoever evaluated and referred your son. It's like a team of people. And you should have been provided with something in writing stating goals for the year and any accommodations that will be made to support your son's progress. From the stories I've heard about IEP meetings, it's not likely something you'd forget. And the school may have placed him in EC without an IEP.

adora,

In addition to what spryal said, if you had an IEP meeting, you should have a copy of the IEP document. If the IEP is not being followed, you need to bring it to the attention of the teacher/special ed teacher/principal. If the IEP does not adequately address your child's needs, you can call another meeting. Simply because IEP meetings have to happen once a year, does not mean they can occur only once a year. They can be called by any team member (and you are a team member), as often as necessary to meet the needs of the child. You can try not to be combative, but you need to get your child's needs met - the school, particularly this teacher, will not do it for him on its own. Use a "Timmy seems to be struggling. We need to meet so we can work together to figure out what is going on and how we can help him succeed at school this year" approach. Pretend you don't want to strangle this woman - but make sure the meeting happens, and that the issues are addressed! Meanwhile, keep a log of everything that is going on, so you can try to address everything at the meeting. Make sure your request for a meeting is in writing - if it isn't in writing, it didn't happen.

I found his IEP, there was really nothing on it. We did the IEP before he ever started school, so we really didn't know what his needs would be once he started school. The IEP we have was just a temporary one for now, until we learn how he handles school.

Adora - I suggest that you set up a meeting with the Child Study Team (or whatever your school calls it) to revisit his IEP. These documents are not written in stone and may be adjusted at anytime throughout the school year. You just need to get everyone together (Special Services, Case Worker, Teacher), agreeing to methods, services and goals and get everyone working together. Perhaps even a new assessment needs to be done to determine his needs???
Good luck - but definitely, be your child's advocate. It sounds like he will really need one with that teacher.

I would be concerned about him going on this field trip if the teacher is like this. Is she aware that he has differences at all? Granted, you know your son best, but I would want an assistant to keep an eye on him.

It sounds like you have a new accommodation to put in the IEP: the child will not be asked to remember what needs to be taken home, beyond a simple repetitive list (ie, backpack, coat, lunch, homework folder). She is asking too much, period, but especially of an AS child that is likely to be developmentally behind in areas of personal responsibility and organization (may as well get used to that one now, the lag is likely to persist through out all the school years).

Meanwhile, you need to pick your child up at the classroom, if at all possible, and ask the teacher directly what special papers, etc., are supposed to be coming home. A daily check in is the only way you'll get it right on a consistent basis, and it will also give you the opportunity to teach your child what to look for as he leaves class every day. The schools are not likely to do this for you at the level your child ideally needs, it just isn't in the system.

Other benefits to daily pick ups will be talking to your child's teachers about all the little incidents that happen every day, and being able to accurately break them down for your child. Having this information will be really helpful to his social development.

I know that many kids go to daycare or ride buses, but I cannot discount how valuable it was to have that opportunity to check in with the teacher every day. So many conflicts I see on these boards could be avoided if that was a more natural part of every family's day. It's funny, I never did it because I was trying to meet my child's special needs; we're just lucky to live a block from the school, so walking right up to the classroom at pick up time was the natural thing to do. Still, it really makes a difference when handling the unique needs of our AS kids.
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We had a meeting today me, the teacher, and the EC teacher. Their real area of concern for my ds is his lack of attention and focus when it comes to coloring. They have to constantly stand over him to make him color, and he always comes up with an excuse, I'm thirsty, I'm sleepy, I'm hungry, I wanna go home, and when those fail to work, he starts in for the kill, I love you, can I get a hug, and can I give you a hug.
His teachers really floored me today, they told me that my son, is the first kid with autism that has ever attended his school. they've dealt with add, adhd, down's, and other things, but never autism. I was shocked, I would have thought the both of them would have experience just for the fact of their EC experience (his mainstream teacher used to be an EC teacher).
Before I went to talk to them, I printed off 10 things your autistic student wishes you knew, and another thing, can't really remember it now, they were steady reading the material I gave them while I was talking to them.
@Angelbear, I'm going to let him go on the trip, but I'm gonna be a chaperon (spelling), another friend of mine is going with us, and my best friend is going cause her daughter is in the class, so I have some extra eyes on him other than the teacher.

Good idea! That is shocking that they have never had a child with autism. It sounds like you will have to continue to educate them. I am glad you were able to have the meeting. I am sure it makes you feel better. Maybe now, they will start to educate themselves as well.

My son (5) also has a lack of focus when doing his work. He is in a small classroom ---4 kids and 2 teachers. I am not sure how long it will be before he can be mainstreamed into a general ed class. Just stay very on top of things, and hopefully, all will work out well.