I hope some of you can answer some questions I have

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My 8 year old so has always been a little "Off" Very very shy as a preschool, to the point that he never really spoke much to anyone. To me, he has always seemed more mature for his age, and normal kid play annoyed him becasue he really saw himself as "above" that. He has a nervous habit of hair twirling... To the point that at four he had a bald spot. He is more social now, but still socially awkward, and still shy. He is very very picky when it comes to eating and would like to eat the same few items for every meal. He is picky when it comes to clothes as well, and gets weird if clothes dont fit "right". Academically he has always been above average. He does have some trouble with small motor, his drawings are a little immature for his age, and he still has a lot of trouble with shoe tying or zipping and buttoning. Another thing I see is that he is so competitive to the point where it takes the fun out of simple games for him. It can not just be for fun. The older he gets I see these things and wonder if something is going on. I am not sure I would want an official diagnosis, but I am wondering if the way I deal with his issues is only making things worse. He can be such a sweet kid, but seems to lack empathy for others. I don't know if he is just a selfish kid, which I have tried to raise him not to be, or if there is truly something different in his head. Can someone give me some ideas or opinions? Are these things warning signs for aspergers? How can I be sure? I am at a loss, and any advice would help.

What does your son's school say? They may notice if something is "off" and have the facilities to help.

We found the diagnosis to be a huge relief for us, other posters here have asked for supports without an official diagnosis and have been happy with that. For us, the diagnosis pointed us to some specific therapies (pragmatic speech, emotional labeling) that really, really made a huge difference, and we'd never have figured it out without professional intervention.

Many people recommend books by Tony Attwood; I like "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome." Maybe it's worthwhile for you to check it out of the library. There's a sticky at the top of the forum for other books, too, or one of our posters wrote an online book here: http://www.asdstuff.com/

If your son is on the spectrum, I would suggest he probably isn't selfish, but probably is truly unable to see that someone else's needs might conflict with his. In some situations our kids seem to have amazing empathy but in others ... they just can't see it, they don't understand at all what the problem is.

Definitely keep reading!

You are wondering if how you are dealing w/ his issues is making them worse. You don't say how you are dealing with them. I always knew my son was "off" but his problems weren't severe enough for a diagnosis until almost age 9. You son sounds like a high functioning aspie to me. Keep reading and see if you find better ways of dealing with him than you have now. If not or his issues increase, go for a dx.