Question for parents of aspies...

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How early did you know something was different? Did your baby reach milestones appropriately?

I'm officially undiagnosed (or my parents never told me - this is more likely), and now I have 3 daughters. All of them are like me in different ways, but don't seem like they could have Aspergers except possibly my almost 1 year old. The first two (5 and 4 years of age) have different personalities, but hit milestones at the same age and behaved in the same manner when it came to various things (eating, napping, discipline, etc.) The baby is so much different in every way. She was much calmer as a newborn, but now that she's older she cries a lot. She loves the feel of yarn/crochet. She won't eat just anything, and will throw a fit until she gets what she wants. She doesn't like to be around people that she's not used to, although all my girls went through that at some point. When she's happy she's the sweetest, but sometimes she just cries and cries and can't be consoled. There's no diet issues, no diaper issues, she's perfectly healthy and has never been sick. She has a mostly regular schedule and if we go astray from it, I pay for it for the next 4 days. I feel confused by her because I don't know how to make her feel better in certain situations, but I also understand her more because I also don't want to stray from the schedule or go out in public.

Sorry for the long rant

My son was only diagnosed at almost 8 years old. We didn't suspect ASD until he was about age 5 but, looking back, the signs were all there from an early age. However, I don't think he would have been diagnosed as ASD before 4 or 5 if I had him evaluated earlier. He had been previously diagnosed with social/ emotional delays and a motor delay. But, he did cry all the time as a baby. Loud noises caused him panic, he didn't like to change routes or routines, he would lie on his stomach and push a train back and forth on a track for hours. He would cry if he wasn't being rocked or held. When he was a little older, he would bang his head on the ground or bite himself when he felt frustrated and he didn't like other children in his space. But, it became more apparent when we realized he was not picking up on social cues or able to have two way conversations. Since most kids don't really stop parallel play or have meaningful conversations until they are more like 4 or 5, we did not realize these were issues before that.

Everyone's experience is different, but my ASD son was definitely unique from the moment he was born. Everyone thought he was a genius; no one suspected ASD. At all. Didn't sleep much, was a huge sensory seeker, highly social, and also unusually flexible. Met many of his milestones early.

Turns out he was drawn to people but bad with them, was flexible because of hypermobility, and also likely a sensory seeker because of the hypermobility, but hindsight is 20/20.

My son was diagnosed at 7 and, like the above poster, I really don't think he could have been diagnosed earlier, since at those ages the same signs could have meant so many different things.

He is definitely a person that "trips:" seeks things out in abundance, and then can no longer handle them.

He exhibited a pattern that I've heard of in other ASD kids, but far from typical.

He did cry a lot, but I think my NT daughter was worse, and my best guess on that is simply that she had more food sensitivities at that age than my son did. She was much calmer than my son, but then developed her own unique ways of being challenging.

None of which is useful, I know. Every child really is different; you have to figure each one out uniquely.

Thanks for your replies! ^-^

It really is useful information, DW_a_mom! At least to me I enjoy reading about others experiences and it gives me a bit of an idea of what to expect.

All kids are different, all aspies are different, and all babies cry, so I know my question is a bit of a mixed bag with no clear answer. There's so much to say about my youngest and what she does and how she is, but then I feel like I'm just trying to fit her into the label, or make her out to be something she's not. All my girls were/are very smart, but #3 is so different...she learns words very quickly and has had a pretty big vocabulary from 6 months on. She seems to understand some concepts better, and is more apt to practice new things. The other girls wouldn't do something (like walking) or say something until they KNEW it was perfect. I don't use the cry it out method with her, but sometimes she gets so upset so quickly that she can't breathe, turns blue, and will fall over, and I've never dealt with that before - it's terrifying! But it reminds me of a tantrum I might have had as a child. She also doesn't take a pacifier and refuses to be soothed by dad, so it's very stressful for me most of the time. We're trying to transition from nursing to a sippy cup as well, and with me being so much of her comfort, all this has me concerned that I'll be nursing a 12 year old

My son was diagnosed at age 6.

As a baby, he was calm. He would not make eye contact at all until he was an older toddler. It actually became something of a comical trick to hold him in a such a way that eye contact would be normal and how far and wide he would stretch to get away. That was our only very early clue. And, by the preschool years, he had completely typical eye contact.

Sensory issues were our next clue, but didn't be ome apparent until later (when we took him out more--he's the oldest). And as the oldest, we had less to compare him too.

He was an early speaker and always spoke well (learned ASL first).

My son was different from the beginning. I put the development books aside because they didnt apply to him. School teachers noticed, pediatrician noticed... dad didnt want to see it until school became so challenging... finally at age 14, he has been evaluated. For girls, which I am, I hit milestones early, was singing the alphabet in the crib, tested out of elementary math by 4th grade... but, I had rituals from very early, I only ate white starches with certain texture, eggs but only a certain way, ketchup, jelly and BUTTER, not peanut butter, but real butter. Only butter sauce. I only drank milk, literally... not sure how I didnt dehydrate! I also didnt get the social cues for girls especially, always found boys easier to be around and was therefore a "tomboy." Now, I find both sexes frustrating for different reasons. I dont get the jabs men throw around and I dont know how to connect emotively with women... chit chat yes, some issues in common great, but I dont think I get to the nitty gritty because Im not sure what it is even... but watching women talk baffles me. UGH... Im literally from my own planet making my way for my kids sake here on this one.

My oldest daughter, yes. I knew when she was a baby because she didn't make eye contact and would rather look at things than people. Her first real giggle was at a set of gears, not a silly face. After that, yes every milestone was quite late, but most were close enough to the edge of "acceptable" that I really couldn't get anyone to pay attention to my concerns.

My youngest. A mystery. Met most non verbal milestones on time, but was late with language. We are having her assessed now, but this one does come as more of a shock to me. The psych is saying she is simply more "mild" than my older daughter and since she is more extroverted and extremely hyperactive she has been slipping under the radar.

We began noticing something was off from almost the moment he came home from hospital. He needed constant holding, screamed incessantly, digestive issues, hated clothing, etc. Milestone wise, he was in target for most things, except the babbling.
It was at nearly 10 months when he babbled. Before that, just constant grunts and moaning. He didn't say mama until after a year old, though. Then he just had his own language, coupled with echolalia. He was taking first steps at 11 months old. He also always hated loud sounds.
At 15 months though, everything just stopped. Like waking up with a new kid. No longer responded to his name, isolated, didn't play like before, etc. He also had severe sleep issues.

My son is not yet diagnosed, but we plan to have him evaluated. He is 16.

He cried all the time as a baby. Like really freaking out. He had a tremendous amount of gas/discomfort (I think?). At 6 months old, he would ignore me when I was trying to get his attention.

When he started walking, he would run away from me a lot. When disciplined, he would laugh. He would pull all the books off the bookshelves. He lined up his cars. He sat and pushed doors open and closed. At the age of 2-1/2, my mother or in-laws would want to take him to their house for a fun afternoon, and he would stand and scream, "I don't want to go!" (when they arrived, after he was told they were coming to get him.) Then, as they would pull away without him, he would scream "I want to go!" Then they would stop and he would say, "I don't want to go!" and the back-and-forth would go on for quite a while trying to figure out what he actually wanted. One time, when he was 2, I was either pregnant or carrying a newborn (either way, I couldn't run), and he was holding my hand crossing a parking lot. All of a sudden, he broke away from me and started running at top speed toward a main road (we were only about 20 feet from the road.) I don't remember why he stopped, but thank God he did.

At age 2, he escaped from the house a couple of times. (That was my biggest fear from when he started walking.) Thankfully, it was only a couple of times, and nothing bad happened.

At age 3, my sister tried taking him to Toy Stories on Ice, and he flipped out as soon as the music started. Around the same age I took him to a preschool story/activity group at the library and was "talked to" by the librarian because he refused to join the group.

He had sensitivities to certain materials in his clothing, and sensitivities to loud noise. Everyday, he would ask for the schedule of the entire day (still does this.) When we went out shopping, he would want to know where we were going and in what order, and if I deviated he freaked out. He would not look people in the eye by age 5 or 6. He corrected his Sunday school teacher one time in class (age 5.) Apparently, that was rude.

OK, so why didn't I get him tested? A few reasons....

1. I didn't know that a child could be on the spectrum and be talkative. This kid has always talked non-stop. This is the #1 reason he didn't get tested. He had no problems with verbal anything at any time. He started talking before age 1, two-word sentences by 14 months, complete sentences by age 2.

2. He is so wicked darn smart. I was labeled "gifted" too, and all my problems growing up were blamed on that. So, not knowing any better, I assumed the same for him. I've done a lot of research into gifted education, and the list of characteristics of gifted kids overlaps with AS about 50%. I know this NOW, I didn't know that then. My son knew all his colors by about a year old, could count to 100 by age 2. His vocabulary was immense, and his sense of humor was always well-developed. He learned how to open the baby gates before age 2 (all kinds) and could open locked doors by age 2. He was reading at age 3-1/2 (with comprehension ability.)

3. Although I was familiar with ASD traits, I did not understand that one did not have to have all the traits on the list to be on the spectrum. And his verbal ability always made me think he was just smart. I said to myself often "OK, I will wait 3 months and see if things improve." And things would improve by a smidge. Because there was slight improvement in the right direction, I would wait another three months. I always saw improvement, so I figured he must not be on the spectrum and was just difficult, strong-willed, and extremely smart. At age 6, all of a sudden the meltdowns ended. He became a completely different kid. We have talked about it since and he said the reason he "changed" was because he realized he was annoying and didn't want to be that way anymore. ???

For a season, he seemed like a normal elementary-school-aged kid (albeit extremely smart). That changed when adolescence came. His social development sort-of ended. He has not made/kept friends, and he has started to get overwhelmed keeping track of school work. This is why we want to get him tested now, and I am kicking myself for not getting him tested way back when. I would probably have saved myself a lot of grief, primarily in the area of having my parenting skills questioned often.

Boy....does this kid sound Aspie!

I suspect that he will become a genius musician/composer. With your help, he will be able to navigate the Social Maze, and be successful.

I hope it won't cost you too much for him to get assessed. And I hope you pick a clinician who is knowledgeable about autism--otherwise, the money will be wasted, in my opinion.

It's fruitless to regret "what could have been." Just think about the future.

All 3 of my kids sound like a blend of nerdygirl's son, and that's where I get confused. My 1 year old cries a lot (now, she didn't so much as a newborn), my 4 year old had digestive issues (like aspieduo's child), and my 5 year old lined things up. All of them have had a spell of laughing when disciplined (the baby still does, and she's the one in question for this post). The more dad is around her, the more he agrees with me that she might be like me. And I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately of how I was as a child. I remember screaming and crying and not giving up because my parents left me to go house shopping, and I remember liking everything food-wise but only eating a certain thing - both things the baby does. If she misses her morning nap because we've been out grocery shopping for too long, I'll pay for it for 4 days (that's right, I've timed it out!) with lots of screaming and nursing and nap fighting. Oh, and the breath holding spells are terrible from her - so scary and I still have them to this day. I guess I just have to be more patient and wait for her to grow up a little, but darn it I wanna know! I could make her life so much easier

My 10yo old son has a diagnosis. We always knew. He physically hit milestones ok but was slow to talk and more importantly couldn't understand simple instructions. He spoke in a sing song high pitched voice when he started talking which people made fun of he wouldn't play with other kids, he preferred to walk around the edges of the playground when we took him to the park; he was hard to wean and he literally lived on biscuits and yogurts for the first two years of his life. He did the classic lining up his cars and sorting them into colours even at that age. Those were the first red flags for me. He had sensory issues - wouldn't take his socks off unless he was having a bath, only wore certain clothes and still hates having his hair cut, he is often in tears when I use the clippers especially when I go near his ears. I could go on but you get the idea.

My younger son had way more obvious signs but he doesn't have a diagnosis because his behaviours are masked at school. He is 7 now. He used to throw tantrums at 18 months were he would smash his own head into the floor or against the wall, rocking back and forth for hours sometimes. He would only eat for his special plate, specific cup etc. he was very slow to potty train (almost 3 1/2 yrs old) he would hold it till he was fit to burst rather than go. He memorised the TV schedule of his programmes by 2-3 yo and would have a meltdown if the schedule changed not understanding I couldn't make his shows come on. He has the opposite issue with food, he has always been big and overeaten (he will steal food before I wake up). He hates loud noise and will cry or attack his siblings if they are too loud. He has little empathy and picks on his siblings finding it amusing especially when he is bored. He wants to play but has to control EVERYTHING and tends to bully or intimidate his siblings to get his own way however in school he is the one who tends to get manhandled and bullied because he doesn't know how to speak up for himself. At nursery age he would complain and freak out that people were 'following' him simply for walking in the same path as him or that they were looking at him.

Both boys were poor sleepers from babies. Basically there is a lot that was obviously different from their sisters.

One thing I would recommend: keep an eye on those milestones! DS met all his milestones - but in an awful lot of them, he met them like within a week of being delayed. The consistent pattern of the delays he did have - as opposed to the areas where he was ahead - was something our doctor never added up, and thus we had no idea what was going on.

My son was incredibly colicky - which was waved off by most providers, but in retrospect was probably more severe than most people realized (and I didn't have a basis for comparison, so I didn't know.) Then we had two years where he was very nearly angelic, obviously learning and moving forward...then at three, the meltdowns began. We knew something was going on, but had no idea what until he was diagnosed in 1st grade with AS.

My suggestion: have your kids evaluated by your local early childhood center. If they don't find a disability but see something "close," keep an eye out and have it re-evaluated periodically. Looking for professional answers doesn't hurt if there's nothing, and can really help if they find something.

My son was different from the beginning. I see some similarities with the experiences of other parents in this thread. As an infant, he rarely/almost never made eye contact, nursed and then pushed away instead of cuddling, didn't like to be held/touched, preferred to sit in his bounce chair and look at things around the house (not people). As a toddler, lined cars up in huge lines (spanning across several rooms) and became very upset if they were moved out of place, he sat in front of the dishwasher and hummed/rocked when the dw was on, he had eczema and a peanut allergy (neither of which ran in the family), he didn't interact with his siblings/parents much. As a preschooler, he didn't fully potty train until he was in Kindergarten, he held his stool for days on end and his urine until we'd put a diaper back on him, he wandered off *a lot* without any concern for family, and he didn't speak a word to anyone (didn't even notice them) unless it was family. He also mixed up his pronouns until he was at least a 3rd/4th grader. He had a lot of sensitivities and sensory issues from birth on, and his "play" (aka stimming) was unusual.

WRT developmental milestones, he was normal for speech (although he didn't use it in the expected way, his vocabulary and ability to speak came as expected) and crawling, but delayed for walking and fine motor skills. As with many kids here on this forum, he qualifies as gifted, but his social deficits are glaringly obvious, even now as a teen. We had him tested in the birth-3 program, and there was a slight fine motor delay, but since he is so high functioning they didn't see any need for services at that time. Had they been more aware of ASD, I'm sure he would have gotten a diagnosis at that point.