Parents grieving autism

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I am not wonderwoman kraftie!

It is about 100 year old house built from local stone sat up on a hill looking down over a bunch of gorgeous valleys. I loved it because of the views. The house itself was a huge mess.

I did the redesigning and planning and choosing of materials, and some of the gutting (with a small child in a wrap on my back), but then I had workmen come and live here and blast it and redo it all. It needed a new roof, new floor, knocking some rooms together and tons of other stuff. It was quite stressful and ended up costing way more than planned as we found more things to fix... so I kind of fell out of love with the house for a long time....

Then it became home.

You certainly did a lot more than most people......

Are you near the sea, as well as near the mountains?

I so wish I was as I love the ocean more than anything.... but no sea in sight though.

You've done pretty well, though....

Do they clear the roads well in your area in winter?

No, I get snowed in. Last winter 4 times.

That sucks.....I'm fortunate I live a couple of blocks from shops.

50 cm of snow----is really not an unusual storm for NYC.

Were you able to stock up before the storms?

Yes. Also, it is just my tiny lane that is snow covered and inaccessible by car. There is a larger road close by so I could take the bus, or bike or walk to shops. I just can't get my car out. I didn't really mind. I've got a woodburner so even when the power went we stayed warm.

NYC is very different. This is like "the shire" in lord of the rings. I would say the biggest drawback is it is hard to meet any remotely interesting people. I find people here very small minded and they haven't moved about much. They lived here their whole life. Cities are better for character and people.

Ironically, in my area of NYC, there are people who are as provincial as any small-village type.

If you ever watch "All in the Family," with Archie Bunker, you would see what I mean. Archie was from Queens.

Yes, I know what you mean. That is a funny part of cities, enclaves of people and cultures that don't mix much despite being right next to eachother.

I have never lived anywhere longer than for 6 years. think I will always live in the countryside now but in the distant future we'll probably live in Maine. It will be hard to leave this house though.

What part of Maine?

I still think a lot of this is specific to your experience though. If you daughter is 8 and was diagnosed recently, you kind of already knew who she was to some extent. I first developed concerns about my daughter having ASD when she was 12 months old and she wasn't walking or talking at all. That early on, it is hard to assess severity or developmental course. I absolutely feel that I went through a grieving process, because a lot of what I expected the future to be like was suddenly uncertain. What hurt the most was not being sure if she would develop much of a relationship with my son, who was SO excited to meet her. She is now still just 21 months old, and I'm not totally sure she has ASD, but seeing some of her development since then has helped me feel a lot better. I can be a bit prone to worst case scenario thinking, but I will never forget the first time the thought "she might have ASD" popped into my head. I only slept about 2 hours because I was up all night crying thinking about all the experiences I wanted for her that I wasn't sure she would have. I don't know what you call that, if not grief.