Wondering how this happens

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favoritism has nothing to do with disability- some parents, mine for instance, played the favorite game
my brother could say nothing right. i was only the favorite when i agreed with my parents, or more importantly, didn't piss them off

You seem to have a history of making very generalized posts about all parents, all children with disabilities, and all NT children, based on your own life experience.

I think your posts will probably come off as offensive to many people if you keep up your generalizations.

What I suggest is that you talk to your therapist about your own situation, and maybe even have some group therapy with your family so you can work these problems out.

It isn't true of all parents, in all situations. But from what I've seen in my local Asperger's group, there is a tendency among the parents there to behave in a very condescending manner towards their adult children, and towards people with AS in general.

Even my own sister, when she found out about my AS, started occasionally talking down to me (more than previously).

There is a factor of bias at play. If you later find out some information about someone, it can radically change your perception about that person. A person who was once "smart" and "funny" before an AS diagnosis, can become "one-dimensional" and "socially awkward" after an AS diagnosis. Parents aren't exempt from this bias effect. I'm just glad that my parents aren't like that.

As a parent I try not to have any bias. I don't FEEL any.

But, yes, I do see things more easily from my daughter's point of view than from my son's. It is the simple fact that she thinks more like I do.

But I also know what a cunning vixen she is, lol, so I actively work to counteract that.

Um, back to the point.

I can think of conversations where my AS son said something I didn't find completely accurate, my NT daughter said something slightly different that I did find completely accurate, and my AS son could not understand the difference. To him, the answers were the same. To me, because of a nuance in the situation, they were not. I try to explain it, and sometimes he will never see it, in which case I make clear to him that his answer was perfectly good. In real life we're rarely adding 2 + 2. More likely we're adding 2 shaded by a 3 to 2 shaded by a 4. OK, bad example, but that is about the complexity of it.

Which means there are two possibilities:

The parent can see a difference in the answers that the adult child cannot.

Or.

The parent honestly has a bias, as unfortunately some parents do.

And I agree with the post above that suggest the bias isn't always by disability v. none. Parents can be biased with any set of reasons. But I do think it's important that I see my child as differently abled, instead of disabled, because the later could invite a more condescending attitude. And I do see my AS son as differently abled. He has talents that blow me away.