Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ]
13 Oct 2010, 2:55 pm
Quote:
BRITAIN'S newest high street bank has promised not to pretend to be your friend.
F**kYouScum has promised 'an honest approach to bank-vermin relations', offering accounts with names like Dog, Pleb and Scum Plus, as well as an offset mortgage called Your Stupid Bovine Greed Will Destroy You.
A spokesman said: "Our contempt towards customers is openly expressed. It saves us money on colourful leaflets with pictures of cartoon families driving charabancs and avuncular staff who ask you where you're going on your sh***y f*****g holiday.
"We then use this money to buy beautiful things for our favourite whores."
He added: "If you ring us and we decide to answer the phone, we won't then send you numerous text messages asking for your 'feedback'. We couldn't give a dead hyena's rotting scrotum what you 'fink', you illiterate sack of s**t.
"Our only promise to you is that we will have a fantastic time with the unfathomable amounts of money we shall make from your pointless, constantly overdrawn, hand-to-mouth so-called life.
"We will have massive boats, elegant cars, and helicopters stuffed with delicious truffles and the kind of heartbreakingly beautiful Russian prostitutes who would have been married to handsome fairytale princes in a world less wretchedly evil than the one we have deliberately created.
"And if you try to steal our pens, we'll shoot you right in the f*****g heart."
Teacher, Roy Hobbs, said: "What a breath of fresh air. My current bank manager acts like my friend, but I don't think he is. I think he wants to open up my chest with a bowie knife, rip out my lungs and eat them in front of me while his staff sit around pretending to run a radio station.
"Plus, they never have any pens."
F**kYouScum has promised 'an honest approach to bank-vermin relations', offering accounts with names like Dog, Pleb and Scum Plus, as well as an offset mortgage called Your Stupid Bovine Greed Will Destroy You.
A spokesman said: "Our contempt towards customers is openly expressed. It saves us money on colourful leaflets with pictures of cartoon families driving charabancs and avuncular staff who ask you where you're going on your sh***y f*****g holiday.
"We then use this money to buy beautiful things for our favourite whores."
He added: "If you ring us and we decide to answer the phone, we won't then send you numerous text messages asking for your 'feedback'. We couldn't give a dead hyena's rotting scrotum what you 'fink', you illiterate sack of s**t.
"Our only promise to you is that we will have a fantastic time with the unfathomable amounts of money we shall make from your pointless, constantly overdrawn, hand-to-mouth so-called life.
"We will have massive boats, elegant cars, and helicopters stuffed with delicious truffles and the kind of heartbreakingly beautiful Russian prostitutes who would have been married to handsome fairytale princes in a world less wretchedly evil than the one we have deliberately created.
"And if you try to steal our pens, we'll shoot you right in the f*****g heart."
Teacher, Roy Hobbs, said: "What a breath of fresh air. My current bank manager acts like my friend, but I don't think he is. I think he wants to open up my chest with a bowie knife, rip out my lungs and eat them in front of me while his staff sit around pretending to run a radio station.
"Plus, they never have any pens."
Source
13 Oct 2010, 3:09 pm
13 Oct 2010, 4:36 pm
DemonAbyss10
Veteran
Joined: 23 Aug 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,492
Location: The Poconos, Pennsylvania
13 Oct 2010, 5:05 pm
13 Oct 2010, 5:19 pm
Asp-Z wrote:
Quote:
BRITAIN'S newest high street bank has promised not to pretend to be your friend.
F**kYouScum has promised 'an honest approach to bank-vermin relations', offering accounts with names like Dog, Pleb and Scum Plus, as well as an offset mortgage called Your Stupid Bovine Greed Will Destroy You.
A spokesman said: "Our contempt towards customers is openly expressed. It saves us money on colourful leaflets with pictures of cartoon families driving charabancs and avuncular staff who ask you where you're going on your sh***y f***ing holiday.
"We then use this money to buy beautiful things for our favourite whores."
He added: "If you ring us and we decide to answer the phone, we won't then send you numerous text messages asking for your 'feedback'. We couldn't give a dead hyena's rotting scrotum what you 'fink', you illiterate sack of sh**.
"Our only promise to you is that we will have a fantastic time with the unfathomable amounts of money we shall make from your pointless, constantly overdrawn, hand-to-mouth so-called life.
"We will have massive boats, elegant cars, and helicopters stuffed with delicious truffles and the kind of heartbreakingly beautiful Russian prostitutes who would have been married to handsome fairytale princes in a world less wretchedly evil than the one we have deliberately created.
"And if you try to steal our pens, we'll shoot you right in the f***ing heart."
Teacher, Roy Hobbs, said: "What a breath of fresh air. My current bank manager acts like my friend, but I don't think he is. I think he wants to open up my chest with a bowie knife, rip out my lungs and eat them in front of me while his staff sit around pretending to run a radio station.
"Plus, they never have any pens."
F**kYouScum has promised 'an honest approach to bank-vermin relations', offering accounts with names like Dog, Pleb and Scum Plus, as well as an offset mortgage called Your Stupid Bovine Greed Will Destroy You.
A spokesman said: "Our contempt towards customers is openly expressed. It saves us money on colourful leaflets with pictures of cartoon families driving charabancs and avuncular staff who ask you where you're going on your sh***y f***ing holiday.
"We then use this money to buy beautiful things for our favourite whores."
He added: "If you ring us and we decide to answer the phone, we won't then send you numerous text messages asking for your 'feedback'. We couldn't give a dead hyena's rotting scrotum what you 'fink', you illiterate sack of sh**.
"Our only promise to you is that we will have a fantastic time with the unfathomable amounts of money we shall make from your pointless, constantly overdrawn, hand-to-mouth so-called life.
"We will have massive boats, elegant cars, and helicopters stuffed with delicious truffles and the kind of heartbreakingly beautiful Russian prostitutes who would have been married to handsome fairytale princes in a world less wretchedly evil than the one we have deliberately created.
"And if you try to steal our pens, we'll shoot you right in the f***ing heart."
Teacher, Roy Hobbs, said: "What a breath of fresh air. My current bank manager acts like my friend, but I don't think he is. I think he wants to open up my chest with a bowie knife, rip out my lungs and eat them in front of me while his staff sit around pretending to run a radio station.
"Plus, they never have any pens."
Source
And if you try to withdrawl all of your money they will sound their Red Alert system, put their shields up and change the door from "Push to exit" to "Pull to exit"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7A8Dm8ZQag
13 Oct 2010, 7:04 pm
13 Oct 2010, 7:20 pm
Asp-Z wrote:
Quote:
BRITAIN'S newest high street bank has promised not to pretend to be your friend.
F**kYouScum has promised 'an honest approach to bank-vermin relations', offering accounts with names like Dog, Pleb and Scum Plus, as well as an offset mortgage called Your Stupid Bovine Greed Will Destroy You.
A spokesman said: "Our contempt towards customers is openly expressed. It saves us money on colourful leaflets with pictures of cartoon families driving charabancs and avuncular staff who ask you where you're going on your sh***y f***ing holiday.
"We then use this money to buy beautiful things for our favourite whores."
He added: "If you ring us and we decide to answer the phone, we won't then send you numerous text messages asking for your 'feedback'. We couldn't give a dead hyena's rotting scrotum what you 'fink', you illiterate sack of sh**.
"Our only promise to you is that we will have a fantastic time with the unfathomable amounts of money we shall make from your pointless, constantly overdrawn, hand-to-mouth so-called life.
"We will have massive boats, elegant cars, and helicopters stuffed with delicious truffles and the kind of heartbreakingly beautiful Russian prostitutes who would have been married to handsome fairytale princes in a world less wretchedly evil than the one we have deliberately created.
"And if you try to steal our pens, we'll shoot you right in the f***ing heart."
Teacher, Roy Hobbs, said: "What a breath of fresh air. My current bank manager acts like my friend, but I don't think he is. I think he wants to open up my chest with a bowie knife, rip out my lungs and eat them in front of me while his staff sit around pretending to run a radio station.
"Plus, they never have any pens."
F**kYouScum has promised 'an honest approach to bank-vermin relations', offering accounts with names like Dog, Pleb and Scum Plus, as well as an offset mortgage called Your Stupid Bovine Greed Will Destroy You.
A spokesman said: "Our contempt towards customers is openly expressed. It saves us money on colourful leaflets with pictures of cartoon families driving charabancs and avuncular staff who ask you where you're going on your sh***y f***ing holiday.
"We then use this money to buy beautiful things for our favourite whores."
He added: "If you ring us and we decide to answer the phone, we won't then send you numerous text messages asking for your 'feedback'. We couldn't give a dead hyena's rotting scrotum what you 'fink', you illiterate sack of sh**.
"Our only promise to you is that we will have a fantastic time with the unfathomable amounts of money we shall make from your pointless, constantly overdrawn, hand-to-mouth so-called life.
"We will have massive boats, elegant cars, and helicopters stuffed with delicious truffles and the kind of heartbreakingly beautiful Russian prostitutes who would have been married to handsome fairytale princes in a world less wretchedly evil than the one we have deliberately created.
"And if you try to steal our pens, we'll shoot you right in the f***ing heart."
Teacher, Roy Hobbs, said: "What a breath of fresh air. My current bank manager acts like my friend, but I don't think he is. I think he wants to open up my chest with a bowie knife, rip out my lungs and eat them in front of me while his staff sit around pretending to run a radio station.
"Plus, they never have any pens."
Source
I hear they have openings for mortgage reps. You gonna apply, and get some Russian hookers?
13 Oct 2010, 8:55 pm
14 Oct 2010, 2:17 am
Sounds ok to me.
They are only doing what all banks do but at least they are honest about it. 
15 Oct 2010, 3:21 pm
I have to disappoint you, I think that it is a spoof press release.
But it is a funny idea, it reminds me of the idea of the film "crazy people" which is about a group of people in a mental hospital which write honest adverts.
_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity
I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man ! Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.
15 Oct 2010, 9:07 pm
16 Oct 2010, 5:03 am
conundrum
Veteran
Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns
16 Oct 2010, 8:12 pm
Wraythen
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: 13 Sep 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 191
Location: Perth, Australia
17 Oct 2010, 3:40 am
sartresue
Veteran
Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Age: 69
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,313
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
18 Oct 2010, 1:25 pm
Don't bank on it topic
This financial insitution will go under like many a bank in the US--unless it gets bailed out like those on Wall Street. 
Page 1 of 1 [ 15 posts ]
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| customers |
27 Feb 2024, 11:04 pm |
| Woman uses corpse to try and sign bank loan |
20 Apr 2024, 12:13 am |
