Aspergers and relationships?

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I'm a female and my boyfriend is neurotypical. Is that how you spell it? Is that even the right word? Anyways, he really doesn't understand my aspergers and just associates everything I do with being shy or being awkward and refuses to acknowledge that I have aspergers. He says I do not have a disorder. I do not use it as an excuse, but I use it as a reason for why I do some things and he just doesn't understand. We have been together for four years and Idk if its normal for people with aspergers, but I change my voice depending on who I'm talking to (even though it's usually still pretty monotone) and I'm constantly going through different phases and changing who I am. He tells me to just be myself, but that's the thing. I'm trying to find out who I am, because I really don't know. Does anyone else do this? And does anyone else have any experiences with aspergers and relationships or any that they want to share? Sorry I really needed to get it off my chest because I don't know how to get him to realize that I can't change how I am.

Yeah, I know how you feel. It's rough and terrible, but the sad thing is that in your life you're going to meet lots of people who try to measure you with non-autistic/non-Aspergian measuring tape and won't understand that you 'can't just...!' But the good thing is that you have friends here who can help you feel better about yourself. If there's any way I can help at all, just let me know. I can't fix every broken bird, but at least I can try.
The most important things in a relationship are trust, integrity, and understanding [at least, according to my mum]. Although I don't pretend to be an expert, I know that if Aspergians can find someone who really understands them and can love them while accepting them at the same time, they often feel much better about themselves.
Maybe if you can believe that you are a wonderful, gifted person [which I am positive that you are], than you might feel better about your identity. I hope that helps.

It is common in autism to not have good self awareness and unsure of who they are socially and how to behave and interact. So a lot of times someone with autism mimics others to build up a persona they can work with and keep trying to fine tune. I would suggest that if possible you could set up a session with some kind of counselor with you and your boyfriend who can verify that you are indeed autistic and explain certain things about it.

That's really a cool avatar, Ezra...and you look so happy and content there!

Hey there, luckily, I don't share your problem. My boyfriend is super understanding and always lets me be myself, whatever that is. I don't really know who I am, either. But I feel like my boyfriend is trying to help me figure it out, which is a huge relief. I can talk to him about anything and that is a super nice feeling.

Is your boyfriend understanding of you now?

If not, I hope that you can take him to your therapist if you have one to help him accept you.

I say this above and below since I am autistic too.

I have a girlfriend who is not that romantic with me when we are together except for every few months or so, and we don't see each other that often since we are both very busy.

I think she turns away a lot since I talk a lot to her about a lot of the same things.

Can anyone here help me?

Oh, I guess, I can relate to a few people here... The idea of 'being yourself' is just an empty phrase, I should say, as I usually engage in rather theatric activities and then regret what I do or get told I act childish. But I simply can't help it! While I suffer most because when I talk to people I care for, try to be friends with and trying to be closer to, I doubt every single action, every single word, every single gesture I make... I kind of believe myself either being too self-centred (I am, indeed) and thus talking with people only about myself and my experiences either being too intrusive and prying. I have never been in a relationship in the proper sense (so I can only be surprised that so many people with Asperger's syndrome are/have been: that makes me feel as a bad case ), when I was in love with one person, I caught myself feeling guilty sometimes of being almost obsessed with that person and I kind of didn't know was it right to ask for attention and to expect it... I believe that it is worth being with someone (as I personally feel better alone) if you are open and honest. But if you have to act and try hard as much as with complete strangers- not worth it.