Verbal Communications Differences and Difficulties Sticky

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There are many times I'd like to say something though often when I either go to say it or put it in written sometimes it comes out not fully decipherable..

I get that as well. Even though I tend to do better with type/written speak, I still find that I delete/throw away 95% of what I get written as it seems clear and concise when I write it, but seems so completely wrong once I review it. That can be frustrating as it generally takes me twenty minutes to get out one paragraph... unless it is a research paper or some such thing... those things are cake for me. Everything should be so easy.

...side note... hello ProfessorX! It has been awhile. I hope you are well

Greetings back unto you dossa

i've tried a lot to understand how this with verbal and non-verbal works in my case. i feel it is difficult for me to see it clearly at all.

i think i was expected to be "clever" by family early on .. and somehow tried very hard to not disappoint them .. i think what happened is that there were in a sense two mes .. one verbal .. even almost hyper-verbal. and then also there were what i now feel to be the real me. the non-verbal part.

so, i feel i may still very easily be the verbal me i used to be. but as far as i can tell that makes me basically completely paralysed. i mean in the sense i will do nothing. i will be so busy being verbal there will be no energy left in me to also live .. be a person .. have a life ..

so, ever more these days. i have to deliberately stop the inner babbling .. yet again reconnect to non-verbal real me. and only then is stuff in any way possible. like a thing like buying groceries .. or going to the library. pretty basic stuff. i have to plan and see them as the non-verbal me doing them otherwise they are out of reach.

so to me these days .. it is a bit like .. i will easily feel distracted by let's say a loud radio or tv .. and only when it is turned off is it any use at all for me to start thinking. i feel ever more like that is also the case with my inner monologue .. only when i manage to turn that off is any planning and acting going to happen.

Hi all! I hope this thread is still being read.. if not, oh well, it'll still help to organize my thoughts.

Looking over everyone's replies here has been an extraordinary relief for me. I first sought a diagnosis of Asperger's after realizing that I had been very silent/almost mute for most of my life. Yes, it took me 20 years of living oblivious to this reality to find the right name for what was going on! I had been Dxed with OCD and Major Depressive when I was 12 years old, though treatment only involved a few visits to a social worker and being medicated for a few years.

I found Asperger's after a friend started working with a young autistic girl and describing her behaviors to me. I thought, 'That sounds a lot like me when I was a kid..' I then realized that many people (friends of roommates and random new people that I was meeting) were talking to me about the 'epidemic' of Autism. I myself don't believe it's an epidemic; it's more like developed society has difficulty integrating those who are more sensory-sensitive and slightly stubborn, and because of the way the structure of the culture works, more and more people are realizing that they do not fit well into the boxes that culture and those that rule the workforce have set up for us hyper-aware humans.

But I'm digressing..

Anyways, I find my mutism comes in very short cycles. For example, I'll be mute for the majority of the day that I am at work (not very savvy 'human relations' on my part, I know) unless I am speaking about something that pertains to the job. I prefer to be silent unless I have something relevant to contribute. I am only recently learning how to make jokes So I'll be quiet and do what I am required to do until someone speaks to me, and on that occasion I will do my best to answer them.

I have no problem talking to people working as service providers or to my mother. I try to talk politics/religion with my dad but he is VERY emphatic on the subject (he is definitely a spectrumite) and so I have a hard time coming up with concise, clear thoughts to contribute.

My speech is much like my thought process. I will start with a very broad declaration or question, and then narrow in from there to smaller aspects of the subject, or details, or contradictions that I find interesting. Most people do not have the patience or the attention span to deal with this kind of conversation (I don't blame them either, it is confusing for me as well!) so I have found silence to be the best defense mechanism in lieu of being misunderstood or cut off at the very beginning of a diatribe.

People often take me for conceited, snobbish, or for not liking them. This is becoming a problem because I am uncomfortable coming right out and saying 'I like you! You are all right!' but I still do not enjoy being thought to be so rude as to be ignoring everyone or not listening to what they are saying. In fact I think I listen more than the average person; I am constantly analyzing people's words for hints of their inner lives.

Perhaps it is this analysis that makes me afraid to speak or else betray myself as being a total nutcase


WOW! I have rambled!

I'd venture that many/most Aspies are similar in presentation. When I'm quiet I am either (1) in deep/ponderous thought and very produce (please do not disturb!) or (2) in retreat - - just inside myself, or (3) not much to add to the invariably too emotive neurotypical chattiness.

^ Above: I recognise this pattern too. I am very observational.

And I do think others are reading this thead Even if they're too shy to say so!

I have read this thread even if it seems to be quiet at the moment.Neverless it has helped me regardless..

I've been reading a bit about selective mutism, especially since I have a strong penchant for being mute around certain types of people or in certain types of situation. It's hard to describe...

But the main reason why I am contributing to this particular thread is that I have selective mutism with a member of my immediate family. My oldest sister [by 7 years] suffers from major depressive episodes that once lasted for two months. However, she's been in a depressive state since the end of September, more than likely because my parents and she wanted to get off of her medication -- and she went cold turkey. As a result, she barely leaves the house, save to buy food once in a while, she doesn't bathe everyday, she watches films in her bedroom ALL day and well past midnight, making it difficult for anyone to sleep from the noise some of the time, she cut off all of her hair a month-and-a-half ago, and she eats and eats and eats anything that is in the house.

I've never, ever had a close relationship with her especially because she used to bully me a lot when I was younger, and she's very imposing on me even in our adulthood, but I'm very worried for her, and for my physical well being as well. Knowing that depressed people coming of their medicine as abruptly as my sister did can cause paranoia, suicidal thoughts, and even homicidal thoughts, my brother, other sister, and I have all been having nightmares of her going into a psychotic episode and hurting or killing us or our parents. She's had psychotic episodes before [usually she does things to inanimate objects], and I fear that one day it may be someONE instead of someTHING.

As I said before, I cannot have a conversation with her, and I haven't been able to her for years. I've avoided being with her if it's at all possible, which even confounds me. She has sometimes forced me to converse with her, which always leaves me feeling extremely uncomfortable. I've barely spoken to her since she started this 'episode', and I can't find myself able to console her. I don't know why I can't talk to her, but it's the same as how I'm unable to talk to other people, except it's with someone I live with. However I want to do something that will help her a bit. I suggested a couple of years ago to my father that we get her a small pet as some type of therapy [however, I love animals and I would be heartbroken if she did something to it]. I love to go to the museum, and she likes art a little, so perhaps we can do something in that avenue. My mother often asks me why I don't do things with her and why I don't talk to her, but she doesn't understand how unbelievably difficult it is for me to actually talk to my sister.

I really don't know how to handle this situation. I never realized that mutism can go to this extent that it can even happen within the family circle.

ParadoxalParadigm: I'm almost at a loss as to what to write.....but I am so sorry. That situation is beyond rough. Most understandably why you cannot communicate with her (and maybe you do not have to). Clearly she's in deep and that must be painful that you share a living space. Maybe her doctor can advise/intervene? I think you're right to keep distance from her (and that's not being uncompassionate either).

Most important is your own safety, which seems at least comprised in that place. Selective mutism is nearly impossible to explain to an 'outsider' and Aspies might especially suffer since we may be perceived as a dichotomy. Not to be intrusive, but could you find a place to live that's healthier? So important to feel not just safe, but comfortable (and happy!) in one's own place - a fundamental level for productivity.

i'm pushing on with my attempt at moving apartment. getting closer. cleaning up now. thrown away tons.

realising as i try to reconnect to wonderful WP .. i'm significantly less verbal these days ..

to be active .. doing things IRL .. i need to be ever more ME .. real .. tangible .. .. which seems to be pretty autistic .. non-verbal. .. finding my thoughts going back to the more non-verbal members here .. gives me inspiration .. lots!!

I've been curious about non-verbal people and how it feels, but after flicking through this thread and reading about selective mutism, I realise I do know what it's like because I've had a lifelong battle with selective mutism myself. I never had trouble learning to speak as a child, but I had so much anxiety in situations as a child that I was severely affected by mutism then, and still pretty bad as a teen. Now at 21 I've worked hard on my anxiety and eliminated most of it which allows me to speak more - yet it doesn't change how exhausting it is as it doesn't change my actual brain, and I find myself just clamming up and not speaking in a number of situations. I'm still mute when I'm in new situations and doing new activities. They don't even have to be very new - I'm mute in my piano lessons even though I'm an adult and am studying music at third level. I just shut down easily I guess, I can't seem to change that. When I am in a state of total shutdown I cannot speak without it making me feel sicker than I already do in that state. I guess for non-verbal people it's just constant overwhelm from other environmental factors? It takes up too much thinking and energy if you're already in an overloading environment, and I guess some people get overloaded almost constantly.

A random thought... I get angry when I see documentaries on autism where the person it's about is mute, but the family complain about how hard life is because of the autistic child ON CAMERA WITH THE CHILD RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM!! How mean!! I think people need to cop the hell on when it comes to mutism - someone who doesn't speak isn't someone who doesn't listen! You listen a lot more, in fact, when you keep your mouth shut! Rant over...

So ya, just my random thoughts on mutism and realisation that I do know what it is to feel totally unable to get words out. I don't even think in words really. I think in sensations and then I have to translate those into words, and then I have to coordinate my speaking muscles, which I'm not that great at (I could use some speech therapy as I keep running out of breath when I speak and also speaking at the wrong volume), so I find that it's hard enough to just deal with things going on in my environment without having to do all that as well.

I have severe difficulties communicating in any fashion. I have been lurking here for a couple years now but have not said anything. The words will not come. My speech is slurred and I cannot really write. I can go weeks without being able to express myself to another person. Everything in my head is confused.

I talked at the specialist the other day. She couldn't understand anything I said the first time. My voice cut off and I realized I did not even know how to pronounce a lot of the words I wanted to say and I realize a lot of the things I want to say I can't say because it would take too many words. I guess that's why I shorten things like saying "I write" instead of "I want to write" or "I will write" or "I am writing" sometimes.

The place was very comfortable. In a more clinical setting I must be more stressed out and anxious.

Welcome.

As I read your comments on my phone my son is bringing me PECS for things he wants. This thread helps me understand.

Hello Bismark.

I too have difficulties with communication. The words never seem to get out exactly the way I need them to. It creates lots of misunderstanding sometimes. It's frustrating.

I find it hard to organize my thoughts into what I need to say at times. When writing, it isn't much better.

I suppose for me when it comes to communication my difficulties are not just in the areas of understanding verbal communication but even sometimes mis-understanding written forms of communications such as emails & posts.
I realize to most people on the internet my writing style is so awkward and does not follow very good grammar structure rules i.e punctuation,indention,etc that often most persons feel that somehow I must be some teenager.
Honestly, I'm no teenager and I do sincerely try to get my point across but, often I wind up simply making myself look either stupid or foolish for such.. Honestly, I do enjoy being part of WP even at times when I feel I've been overlooked I keep pushing forwards with trying to be understand & heard..