Totally disgusted with myself

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Having a meltdown today and just wish that I could just disappear. Don't think that anyone would miss me unless they needed something. I have come to the realization that my purpose in life is to make sure that everyone gets what they want and I set back and wait for the scraps. And when I stand up for myself, I'm told that I'm being selfish. Just want to tell everyone to go screw themselves and leave me alone. But unfortunately, being married to a partner who doesn't understand just seems to make the problem worse.

I know it can be very difficult. But you have something to work with, which is something not all have. Make bringing your partners understanding up a priority goal. Things should improve, maybe dramatically if you can succeed, or even partially succeed. Not an easy thing to do I know, I have faced that exact task. But it is not impossible or hopeless.

I felt like you when I was married. She left before we had any marriage counseling. If you feel like communication is a problem, you might get some relief from marriage counseling. I hope it works out for you. For me, I didn't realize how much she really meant to me until she was gone. I'm just mentioning the counseling as a suggestion. You should do what you feel is right for you. Marriage is complicated.