Seems the hating on lonely single men is coming back

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Well now, Goldfish, I think you're being unfair to Sly. He has said his autism makes even a part-time job hard for him to maintain, and I believe him. He's autistic, and I take him at his word.

Sly has a fixed delusion that he can't get a date because single women want a certain income and a car as qualifiers, but YOU have a fixed delusion that any autistic person can fix himself to be as high-functioning as you.

False. I have no such expectation that every ASD person can achieve the exact same results I have. I've never said any such thing. I have a firm belief that ANY human, ASD/NT or otherwise, can improve themselves & think, feel, and be better than they used to be. Improvement is relative to whatever state they're in - not compared to me, at all, ever. It's about personal improvement & doing better than one did before, not trying to do equal or better than me.

Anyone who tells themselves over and over and over again that they cannot change or improve is going to reaffirm those negative self limiting beliefs until they believe them to be true and then it's those beliefs, and those beliefs alone, that constrain them from being any better than they are or having any better than they do.

Yabbut, for some people, just maintaining their status quo is a big, BIG achievement in itself. Never mind improving, just staying at the same level can be very difficult.

And that's not including the reality of everyone in late life - that they will decline in every possible respect, ending finally in death. Or don't the elderly qualify as "people" to you?

We’re talking about a 30 year old man, one who is 5+ years younger than me, not a senior citizen.

I never said any such negative thing about seniors, or anyone. Why do you insist on putting negative words in my mouth that I never said about anyone? It’s quite rude.

Seniors shouldn’t simply let themselves go and fall apart faster than nature intends. Diet, exercise, healthy living and all that keeps people fitter for longer. Even seniors can continue to improve themselves even as their bodies age. Learn new things, go new places, take up a hobby, read, teach, paint, do tai chi or w/e. People who choose to never stop learning, growing, and improving themselves can do it right up to and beyond 100 years old of they’re lucky enough to live that long. Nothing says once you turn 65 that you can’t learn or do new things or continue to improve yourself.

It’s worse when you’re afraid of being fairly judged.

So, you weren't only discussing 30 year olds. You were addressing ANY human. So is the over 65 crowd human, or not? If someone develops dementia, is that due to insufficient self-improvement?

You may have succeeded in getting laid any time you want. But your empathy with those less fortunate sure is lacking. How about if you grow, not so much in the direction of making more money in higher status careers, but in just being a better human being?

Those whose self-esteem requires being "better than" must continually look for someone less successful than themselves. This is why you hang around here beating up on people not doing so well. You're artful enough to mostly get away with it. But I see through you.

+ 1

I wonder if that and the rest of the questions in your post are rhetorical or you genuinely don’t know the answers, because the latter seems so unlikely.

I’ve never been approached the way young women regularly are, of course, but I was taught that literally ignoring anyone who talked to me is rude. Only a few times, after being advised to ignore bullies—which, needless to say, blatantly contradicts the previous teaching—did I try actually behaving as if they hadn’t spoken to me, and the result was a disaster, completely predictable in hindsight, but I was ignorant and naïve enough not to know any better. I also completely ignored once two women on the street who asked me for money for some organization or other. I was fed up with my inability to say no, and had already given far too much of my parents’ hard-earned money to other people at that corner (and throughout a pedestrian-only street beginning there, which I’d since made a habit of avoiding for that very reason) to be comfortable, since I didn’t allow myself a comparable expenditure on anything not strictly needed for my studies. While I still think I shouldn’t have given them any money, I shudder when I relive the moment, because now I think that behavior in the long run is a sure recipe for getting seriously beaten up by someone sooner or later, if not stabbed.



Really? Well, what would happen if everyone always stuck to that rule? Noöne would ever get to know anyone else beyond their own families. Strangers would stay strangers forever. People of the first generation in which strict adherence to the “no talking to strangers” rule were implemented would never find partners, so it’d be the last generation of humans, and then the species would go extinct. Obviously, since there haven’t been any signs ever that this was about to happen, at least some people must have always been breaking the rule some of the time. Guess who’s expected to take the initiative to do it and to bear the consequences of rejection.



Because people often take out their frustration on others when they think they can get away with it. Especially on others connected with their frustration, whether the behavior of those others is normally considered to be within their rights or not. In fact, every time someone abuses someone else, the former is challenging the very notion that the latter has any right not to be abused. If the status quo prevails, it’s because the abuser was too weak to overthrow it; otherwise, it wouldn’t be considered abuse anymore.



You realize you broke that rule every time throughout your life you told your name to someone who didn’t already know it, don’t you?



Because they want something that involves not being ignored, and they think they can get away with taking out their frustration by verbally abusing the women who ignore them, and sometimes they can, but it’s not satisfying, so they keep building up their frustration and the cycle goes on.



Well, that’s literally true, isn’t it? If she wants to be left alone, kudos to her, but there’s ample evidence—namely, the fact that couples exist, that they have children and that the species hasn’t gone extinct yet—that there must be particular times and places where women don’t want simply to be left alone. At those times and places, a universal rule barring all social interaction with strangers can’t hold.



Is that always true of all women reading books anywhere? I’ve slowly learned that reading a book, or something on your phone these days, is often used precisely as a sign to warn others against approaching you, but it’s still confusing. People usually don’t like wasting their time, which is, after all, what their life is made of, so they shouldn’t be expected to spend considerable amounts of time anywhere doing nothing so others know an approach might be welcome. For example, whenever I am at a public place where I can’t do much else, I usually read something, but this doesn’t mean I don’t want a woman to approach me—in fact, there are few things I could want more than that, but, of course, it won’t happen, because women don’t need to do that. Therefore, there are plenty of ambiguous situations about how appropriate or inappropriate it is to try to get to know someone. Someone has to take the risk at some time, and guess who it usually is.

By the way, I was taught growing up that if I’m reading or studying and someone addresses me, it’s rude not to switch my attention immediately to them, and to focus entirely on them for as long as they demand it. No excuses, period. If I ran out of time to do my homework, or needed more time to study so I didn’t lag farther and farther behind my lessons and eventually didn’t have enough time to prepare my exams, or didn’t get enough sleep (in addition, not sleeping enough would itself make my parents angry), tough!—any attempt to claim any time for myself was rude, period. So far be it from me to interrupt anyone’s, particularly any woman’s reading, but I still can’t feel I have the same inborn, unquestionable right to be left alone as they do, so everyone looks privileged to me in this regard. Of course, being left alone is much less useful to me than it probably is to a woman.



On the other hand, I’ve seen women openly admitting they like it when male strangers humiliate themselves by drooling like dogs for them.



I don’t think it matters all that much what you wear, as long as you’re desirable.



Let’s see.

Wtf? I was talking about sly. He's 30. I do believe that all humans are capable of self improvement, as stated. Obviously 65+ are human. Wtf? I just said people can improve themselves to 100+ years if they live that long. What sort of random darts at a medical encyclopedia game are you trying to play by associating dementia with a lack of self improvement? You're not making any sense.

What does my sex life have to do with anyone else' except for maybe my partner(s)'? Irrelevant.

What are you even talking about? I already explained that I'm about personal bests. I couldn't care less if I'm lesser, equal, or better than someone else - I care that I'm better than I was. Sure, I'll compete with others in competitive things sometimes, but I'm not measuring myself against you, or sly, or EzraS, kraftie, or anyone else here. I measure myself against who I used to be and think forward to who I want to become. What anyone here does or doesn't do has zero relevance to what I pursue and possibly achieve. You're quite a nasty old lady with your rude tone towards me for someone using Bea Arthur's picture.

edit: As for posting in this thread, I came to respond because this thread is a direct response to my thread in L&D about incels and it's completely misguided right from the Title, never mind the OP. I came to point out to sly that his perception is distorted because No One in my incels thread in L&D is hating on loney single men, as he seems to think. People are hating on self described "incels," who are promoting raping & murdering women/men who won't sleep with them. There's a BIG difference between having hatred for people who want to rape & murder women/men who have done them no harm and having those thoughts about lonely single men. BIG difference. No one hates lonely single men. In general, people are very indifferent/neutral about them - they're just off doing their own solo thing out of sight out of mind. No one is hating them for it. People are hating "incels," who are radicalized & violent. That's it that's all, this entire thread is based on either distorted perceptions or poor reading comprehension. Glad to have been able to stop by and clarify for y'all.

Claradoon We should always ignore people who ask us for money in the street. If they are legit, they will be properly identified and go door to door.
SpiderpigWhile I still think I shouldn’t have given them any money, I shudder when I relive the moment, because now I think that behavior in the long run is a sure recipe for getting seriously beaten up by someone sooner or later, if not stabbed.
Claradoon I can't figure out if you live in Mayberry or the dark side of NYC.

ClaradoonWhen I was young & cute, there were men approaching me everywhere. But the rule is: don't talk to strangers. That's all.
Spiderpig Really? Well, what would happen if everyone always stuck to that rule? Noöne would ever get to know anyone else beyond their own families. Strangers would stay strangers forever.
Claradoon The following are not strangers: anybody introduced by mutual friend, classmate, minister, hostess, family; also @volunteering, hobby groups, etc.

Whew - you say interesting things but I gotta pick this up later.

Last edited by Claradoon on 05 May 2018, 7:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

I find you disgusting and reprehensible. If I get booted, warned, locked out or banned for saying so, I think you should, too.

Hi, Claradoon.

What's your problem?

Men get very upset when a woman rejects him.

To a man, rejection means they are not viable men. It’s a bruise to their ego.

It’s hard to break away from that notion.

Hi, KraftieKortie. What's your take on this conversation?

Once I was alone in an airport, and a guy sat beside
me and bellowed, "Where's this plane going to?"
You have to have a boarding pass to sit there.
I was reading and thought any kind of response
would result in being stuck with him, so I pointed
to the Destination sign and returned to my book.
No luck - this guy could bellow irrelevantly for hours.
He didn't give up until I got up and went to stand
with the people who didn't have a seat, and continued
reading.

What's your take on that? Am I obliged to speak to him?

Re books - if I'm reading, I can tolerate if a guy says, "Is
that a good book?" and I nod Yes, and he leaves me alone.

Just tell the guy, in a respectful tone, that you feel like reading. If he doesn’t take the hint, don’t respond to him. If he continues, talk to someone at the gate desk. He could be drunk.