Sometimes its super hard to feel accepting

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I have a hard time accepting myself for who I am. I want a group of people who understand me. But thats hard to find.

Im in grade 12 and I feel less mature than my classmates. I would rather build puzzles and play cards than go to parties. I like pot though.
I also am not really interested in dating. Social events stress me out. I cant even go to the regular prom because I have sensory issues. I like to write though.

I stim a lot and it makes people feel uncomfortable. I would like friends who understand my social and emotional issues. I have complex emotions and I dont always know how to respond appropriately to my emotions.

I like my blankets a lot and I still have my stuffies. They are comforting but everybody else would think its weird.

School is a whole other story. I get out of my seat and walk around in my special ed math class. Im allowed to. I sometimes get overwhelmed and distracted in my other classes. People stare at me. I have senaory overload and meltdowns.

I just want more people to understand, other than my special ed teachers. They are so understanding and they make me feel happy. I get the help I need. I also get to go to that room when I am stressed out. They also understand my needs. My shoelace untied once and I was in math class. My teacher came over and reminded me how to tie it. I like to be reminded of those good times. Grade 12 is stressing me out

Grade 12 is the hardest year for everyone. I struggled to get through my last year. Your so lucky you have special classes. When I was in school I tried to do things the normal way like everyone else and suffered as a result. I didnt know I had autism so not understanding why I wasnt like most everyone else gave me mental problems. So at least you understand why you are different. In time, when your out of school maybe you will find people who are more excepting. It might take a while though. I found that in my 20's people were still immature and sometimes mean because I was different. Now that my peers are in their 30's and more mature people are more understanding. People in their 30's are much different than people in their 20's. You just have to seek out those who are more understanding. There will always be people who are ignorant and dont accept that you are different. But then there are the rare individuals that are accepting. And they are rare, but they're out there. Its good that at least your teachers are understanding. I didnt have that in high school.

Im sorry that you didnt get that in highschool. I tried to switch out of it in grade 9 but it didnt work out. I can only imagine what it would be like. That must have been a scary experience. Im mostly in different classes because of emotional and social problems. I sometimes have a difficult time communicating my needs. I get frustrated easily. I have a couple of friends. One is my 8 year old neighbor and my 21 year old neighbor. None of them are my age.

Well 21 is close to your age at least. Its good that you have friends.

Yeah. Socializing is extremely difficult

Do you compose music, Ilikemusic?

No, I wish I could though

I can't compose, either.

I used to want to compose, so I can get a pretty lady patron.

Tchaikovsky sort of had that----but she wasn't all that pretty.

And he was gay.

I felt envious, though. She had some qualities which made me desire her a little.

Ok. Im not really interested in dating

Neither was Tchaikovsky....