so.... i've decided to give up on life. . . .

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The fact that you are planning on doing it this summer and not right now should tell you that you still have something going for you. The time between now and then is easily enough for things to turn around. I'm not just spouting BS either, that's how it's been for me. Lots of ups and downs.

The thing about life is that it always has a quality.

trewissick,

Where ON EARTH did you get the idea you cannot drive because you have AS?

I hate that, it seems to be the one greatest sociological indicator of alienation...the irrational, illogical belief that driving a car "is not for the likes of me"

I learned to drive late, and suddenly aquired freedom from the agoraphobia I did my best to ignore...my car is PORTABLE TERRITORY.

I think you need to try and learn to drive first...then, if you surely must drown this summer, at least you will KNOW it isn't because you are somehow less than other people...

Reality is that a lot of people with AS do suicide...one way or another...

In a way, the deal for all of us is that we either find a way to work around the incompatibilities between who we are and the world we live in, or we give up, and stop trying to be alive at all.

Worse again, we are so different from each other that the things that work for one of us might be the very worst thing for another.

I know, many times in my own life, the only thing that kept me going was focussing on the fact that, if it all got too bad, I could "check out", once and for all. Which is not to say I am not afraid of dying, I am, just as much as anyone, I am just more afraid still of other things.

Learn to drive first, and invest £2-300 in a private consultation and diagnosis...as long as you leave yourself at the mercy of the public health system you could wind up diagnosed with almost anything, if you wind up diagnosed at all...

Meanwhile, try to REALLY live...if you only have a few more months, you can afford to...

M

trewissick, you are in a cage of your own making. You are your own jailer. Pretending you can't find the keys and blaming everyone who walks by will never get you out.

Yes, you've given up. But you're blaming others, conditions, ect, when the fault is only yours. If you change your mind, we can help you find your way free of your cage.

Perfectly said!

i agree

Go f**k yourself, idiot.

zghost,
It may be that simple for you, it may be that simple for other people too...but that doesn't mean it is that simple, or even ballpark, for trewissick...

I come from a nearby part of the world, and I know the system she is beating her head against. It certainly isn't any "cage of her own making" that she can be free of with the right attitude...

It's not like the US where you can, as a last resort, go from state to state in search of the help and other thing you need (incidentally, I know that isn't easy either, but it is different). Your options are limited to the UK and Ireland (where resources for Autistics are even more primitive and limited), after that you hit a language barrier...and it is hard enough trying to communicate Autism in your native language, without getting into that!

To make it worse, when you can't get the resources you need in the UK you often do it against a chorus of people (like my latest prospective in law ) assuring you that there are plenty of resources available to you (and if you don't use them it can only be because you don't want help -) while refusing to tell you how to access these "resources".

The only way I survived was by finding ways to cope independent of and despite the system. Trewissick will either find her own ways, or not, too. There IS no guarantee that anyone can help her...or that she will be able to find a way at all...

Facing that reality, head on, always helped me more than trying to deny it...

But if the odds are overwhelming, it doesn't always mean they can't be beaten.

M

trewissick,

Please, please read this blog post by an autistic woman who is a member of this community:

http://ballastexistenz.autistics.org/?p=350 .

She wrote:

If a person is suicidal, she would not condemn them but hope and pray that they will get the strength from somewhere to keep on living.

Trewissick, don't give up. Try and think positive as much as possible. There must be something positive you have going on in your life if you've made it to where you are. Just think positive, eat right, get exercise, take care of hygiene, and try to find people to talk to. That's what's going to make you better in the long run.

I once was going to commit suicide, then my desire for revenge kept me going and became my obsession.... thank the Lord I saw the light before I carried out my revenge... I still got my revenge, but not in the way I had planned.

I am going to clarify my above post, as long as you are the problem in your life, suicide will sound like a viable option. But if it is someone else causing your misfortunes, in this case the groups that won't provide you support, imagine how good it would feel to rise above them and show your superiority to how they are treating you, and prove to them that you are not just an object, and how you deserve the treatment like anyone else, and show that you can be sucessful. Imagine the feeling of triumph when you finaly break the barriers that are holding you back. I knew what that felt like, video games taught me that feeling, and I loved it, and it was that feeling of triumph that pushed me forward everyday, and I cannot lose in a competition, failure for me is not an option. I will do anything to reach the goal, regardless of what it means in terms for how I will feel while working towards it. Just remember not to lose sight of your goal. It is that fire that burns within that is the essence of life, and the fact that you still live is proof that that fire is still burning within you, and you just need a way to make it burn bigger and brighter.

I know right now this is might be impossible to believe right now, but this God-forsaken disorder can be overcome.

Don't pay attention to most of the people on this board who say it is ok to have Asperger's, that you can live with it, and you can't change. You can change. I know because I have made drastic changes in my personality which have made me more likeable and more productive.

The best advice I can give you in brief is to just concentrate on being relaxed, stop thinking so much, and let the world come to you. Just be the person you want to be. Concentrate on showing your personality. Make yourself #1 over everyone else. Most people in this world have MAJOR flaws and still feel good about themselves. It is ok for you to feel good about yourself as well. Anyone who tries to bring you down is a hater and believe me; miserable inside.

Dear Trewissick,
Please don't end up killing yourself. Suicide is not the best solution, trust me. I also have been quite suicidal at times, and came several times (really quite close, too) to destroying myself.

I know what it is to feel that utter deep dispair, so much so that it seemed that death was the only escape from the torments of this life. And I had been there several times.

What I must ask you, is it possible that you could tell a trusted person that the process of trying to get diagnosed is having a negative effect on you? A lot of stress over a prolonged period of time can lead to depression and a sense of hopelessness. You might not get the other dx that you need for a bit, but maybe you can get treated for the depression it is causing you.

I must also tell you, that it IS possible for you to get a job, marry, and have kids. Trust me when I say that the feeling that you won't be able to do any of these things is the depression talking. I felt the same before I got my job, I told my mother countless times that I will never end up getting a job, that I will end up homeless and without a future.
It took a bit of time, (a couple years) but I was able to get one. And to get to this job, I ride a bike. I don't know how to drive, and I can't afford a car.
But for a time, I didn't believe this was possible for someone like me. And it made me quite depressed.

Plus, there are Aspies on here who are married and with kids, so marriage is not impossible. This is something that I am working on myself, and is another thing that I have told my Mom that I think I might never end up having, but she reminded me that I had thought the same way about a job.

And lastly, you aren't invisible. You have affected people, even if you don't know it. If you have ever said a comforting word to someone who is upset, you gave that person hope. If you have ever just been with someone and laughed and smiled with them, you made their day a little brighter. If you have ever donated to a charity, even if it was dropping a few coins into a donation cup to help a local child with cancer, you have given that person a chance for a future. Trust me when I say this.

Is this the kind of response that is typical for this forum?

No, it's typical for a far more universal type of ignorant idiot than that I am afraid

M