scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-2 i need a job.

and a ferry pass.

-10

Exercise didn’t help me feel better and I am going through another lonely Valentine’s Day.

-7 Don't like what the new meds are doing to me, possibly compounded by the fact that I may still be anemic (when I first came to the hospital a week ago, they said the bottom of the "low" range for iron levels is 37, and mine was 14; they started me on iron supplements but didn't tell me my subsequent iron levels, though they kept taking my blood to test it). I've had a pretty bad headache starting the day I went to the hospital, and it hasn't let up since. I'm dizzy and weak-legged enough that I don't trust myself on the stairs - I'm reduced to climbing up on all fours and scooting down on my butt. My parents watched me do this, and instead of offering to help me, they sent me back upstairs to look for something and also expected me to take the dog out (since he's actually my dog, not our dog, so most everything for him falls entirely to me). And I'm still sleepy-tired (as opposed to worn-out tired) all dang day. I took some Ibuprofen, now my head doesn't hurt as long as I don't move, but as soon as I stand up or even shift position, there it goes again, just as bad as it is without meds. And the dizziness comes with the headache. I really, really want both of them gone. Feels like the headache is also muddling my thoughts. Wonder if maybe I should still be in the hospital for more med changes. Have to wait until Wednesday to see my psychiatrist, hope these symptoms don't last that long, not sure how I'll bear it if they do. Plus the meds are killing what little appetite I had.

-6 i am unskilled repulsive, needy, awkward and ugly. no-one will ever love me for who i am and i don't blame them. it is not up for debate

^^^
valentine's day is just capitalistic crap invented by the beautiful people to stick it to us children of a lesser god.

i forgot it was valentines day actually. i just feel that way regardless.

am a horrible roomate, i can't live with anyone. everything bothers me, it's unreasonable. i hear all the talk about how things get better when you don't expect it or think about it but that never made any sense to me. nothing just falls into your lap. i feel like all my interactions with people are just me being sized up to see how far i can be exploited or taken for a ride before i speak up.

at least i'm not in SB anymore. that place is a nightmare manifest

capitalism has resulted in an atomized society

i could never be anybody's roomie. no way no how. am too much of a hermit.

Me neither, for the same reason. I need a certain amount of alone time to keep me sane, and "alone time" means being completely alone with no one else even present, even if they're just doing their own thing and not paying any attention to me. I had a roommate my first year of college, and it was horrible for my mental health, not because of anything about my roommate personally but just because I am not suited to living with others (my immediate family being the apparent exceptions).

-8 partly deserved, although not to this extent.

-10000000

why
why why why
why

^^ Why what

why everything

why am i so bad at dealing with others? why am i alone? why can't i just enjoy being alone? why can't i forget this person? why can't i get what i want? why can't i be confident? why can't i believe in myself? why can't i stop being manipulated? why won't my roommate pay me back? why can't i stop forgetting everything? why did i leave the door open? why am i autistic? why is my attitude so s**t? why can't i get a gf? would that even fix my problems?


etc etc...

Just victims of the in-house drive-by; you say jump they say how high

You did not choose this, none of us did, no one would... None of this is your fault. We are victims of fate... We can still try to do our best. Think about things that are realistically within your power and go for it. Think about how you could do things better. Try your best, the rest does not matter.

-7 Still feeling dizzy and headachey and still gradually losing my memory. I want to play my favorite Pokemon game again (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Time), but I don't want to have to go upstairs to get it, I'm too dizzy and my head hurts too much. Scared that my memory issues and possibly also headaches and dizziness will be something that will just continue to rob me of my memory without having the mercy to kill me.

sometimes life 'tacks us en masse and it is just too big a ball of confusion to figure out anything, not enough mental working memory space to be able to parse a spot of utility to work on. the only thing that worked for me, to ameliorate this was to run for miles then swim a buncha laps until i was too tired to think about it, that worked as a "reset" switch. some people have not found their reset switch.