Rants

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I don't know what to rant about. Isn't this rant-worthy in its own right?

the people who think they can climb the ladder of success, then pull it up behind them so nobody else can follow them, can all go suck eggs AFAIC.

I'm discovering that there are more things missing, important things, that my husband threw out... I found a bag in the garage he had missed and managed to go through it and found my mom's baby shoes, and all the shoes the kids still wear. I'm glad I found those... but I wish I'd been able to save all the other things, like the Build-a-Bear animals his parents gave the kids with specially recorded messages... You can't replace that.

Nothing he says can make it better. Nothing he does can make it better. Everything is gone, and he didn't even respect me enough to let me help, he just threw it all out. He didn't even tell me until I got home. He didn't even listen to my brother who was warning him against it.

I don't even know how I feel about it. Betrayed? Angry, hurt, depressed, hopeless, like just curling up in a ball and crying... I feel like he didn't even think about us, like all he cared about was getting rid of as much of the kids' stuff as possible. I wish there was something I could do to make this all feel better... I don't know what to do, I just want to leave and go be alone... but he ran off to hang out with his friends... so I don't even get that.

I would like to preface that what I state below, may be exaggerated.... I'm just fired up and sick of my choices.

I am so pissed off at myself. All I can think about lately, is the fact that I have metaphorically shot myself in both feet. My first mistake was that I dropped out of college when I was 19. I started out studying auto mechanics, which I loved. I was working at an auto shop, on my way to a successful career as a auto mechanic. I was forced into management, and things became so shady that I ended up leaving and that industry left a horrible taste in my mouth. I went into the veterinary industry after that, working my way up the chain of seniority. I was in that field for several years and that's where I made my second massive mistake. I listened to what people "thought" I should be doing with my life. I listened to them and I believed them. People have always told me that I am really merciful (which is true to a certain degree), and that I would be "good at" helping people. So, I made my third massive mistake by going into direct ministry. Working with hurting people directly. What I've come to truly understand is that what I really want to do.. is freaking work on cars, and not with people. I've learned that I absolutely can't stand being around people constantly. People coming to me with all of their traumatic issues takes such a toll on me. I literally want to never speak to people again. It's such a difficult job and it's sucking all of my energy out of my life. I just want to go back to school, finish my degree, and then go back for an engineering degree. I want to work on cars, design stuff, and be in the mechanical industry. I want to be as far away from people as I can possibly be. Screw everything that I've been told, I'm going to do what I want.

End rant.

I need to keep positive momentum going for once. I get tired/overwhelmed and slack on taking care of myself, and suddenly I'm overreacting and in stasis again. I wish I had an instant refresh button.

No more insane communication attempts, either. Its ridiculous and draining.

Apathy. Just... Apathy.

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I know this is really pathetic but if somebody can reply to this just a little, even if you have to PM me, that would be great. I've been up all night and I don't feel that happy.

It happened in a writer's group. They were talking about authors using social media and since at least one spoke about sales, I assumed they would know different sites than I did, ones more dedicated to the whole idea.

One of them was talking about "likes" and "fallows". I spent ages trying to work out what she meant, looked it up, and made a wee joke about fields to show how I wasn't understanding. It was self-deprecation.

Then I get a profile down voting almost right away after that (which must have been a big one because of the amount of percentage it dropped in) and she said "NyxBean cute. In case you actually don't know, I meant followers* Not fallowers". Obviously since pretty much nobody down rates you on that site unless you annoy them and the timing was perfect, she meant "cute" to be mean and I'm actually well aware of that usage. I'm not a complete idiot. Then she edited it to hide the truth. I edited my comment to point out what she originally said. I don't know if that was childish.

I'd had enough tonight/this morning so said "I'm going for an assessment for Aspergers. I literally thought you meant that word. If it was you who down voted me just now, that was pretty cute too." I am going for the adult diagnostic specialist screening, I'm just not certain when they are going to get around to me. Life's crappy right now and I don't need some silly little girl getting her panties in a twist because I didn't know what she meant.

I hope she feels like a fool. If you are talking about social media in a manner I'm not aware of (authors using it for promoting their work) then "fallows" could be some kind of point system on a dedicated site for all I know. The quotation marks makes it seem like it's some sort of slang and sure, maybe if I were more awake I would have connected the fact that "like" looked the same but COME ON.

>:[ She said "fallows" so I assumed whatever the Hell she was on about was called "fallows". Some media sites have odd names for their functions. That very site calls their groups "cults" because they are so dark and edgy. /sarcasm


It feels like writer's groups are filled with narcissists. I can never find one which actually has a decent atmosphere and I inevitably get attacked. I even got harassed by the autistic mod of /r/writing! He has "bad cop" after his name which seems to mean he gets to be a complete jerk instead of constructive advice. Since I don't know him personally, I don't know if he's simply like that, if he's impressionable, or whatever else. I thought when I clarified that it was likely I had Aspergers and I was going for assessment that the conversation would cool down and it would be understood that we might be reading what the other was saying wrong. That happens a lot in /r/Aspergers - apologies are made and you get on with the conversation. No, this guy just kept going and then all the regulars came in to make jokes about me and down vote me. So I left that group and now don't have an active sub on reddit for writing...

It's one of the interests I get a lot of joy out of but can't engage in because I not only have some kind of self-imposed writer's block, I'm also too scared to read.

Honestly, I imagined an image of myself just sitting here reading with stuff switched off and I got that cold feeling that happens when you know you are vulnerable and something could and probably will come and get you. How does that even make sense? If I had any emotion left from the last month or two, I might actually cry. Writing and reading got me through my horrific childhood and depression stole them both from me, as well as whatever else is causing the blocks.

She can go bury herself in the fallows and I know where he can stick his truncheon.

I sounds like you have to put up with borderline/sociopathic types in your writers groups. in any organization it seems those two types always end up ruling the roost.

Nyxbean, forget them! Really! They aren't the ones who you are selling to. Get a Writer's Market, or if you have short stories then query magazines for their present needs.


Whoever said that sounded like they either just sold something for the first time and gotten that "newly published big head" or they haven't sold anything and are bitter. I used to write op-ed for a newspaper and I got that big head at first too. I thought I was the s**t. After all, people paid me to tell them what I thought. Then I put it in perspective and was normal again. I sold some pieces as well and then I got bored with it so I stopped. I also didn't sound like I do when I post. Anyway, some people's ego doesn't ever go back to normal, so if that's the case with this person then don't ever expect actual help there.

So, what do you write and what are you wanting to do with it? What was the purpose of joining the group? Was it to get feedback on your writing, or to learn how to publish, etc? I don't know much but I'll gladly tell you what I know and try to point you in the right direction.

Screw them, a**holes aren't worth your time.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

I feel like I'm living the same day over and over. I start college again to finish my associates degree in August and I'm not really excited for it at all. Feel like I have no future because my artwork isn't good enough to land me commissions. Thoughts of suicide are getting worst every day and I don't enjoy life anymore...I feel so burned out on it, and so alone in life even though I have a family that is supporting me. Haven't worked on my art in almost 2 months. Not really sure what to do.

I am really sick and tired of all the crapola I have to accomodate all the time for NTs (like their drama, their constant demands for attention, their demands for certain facial expressions and expressed moods, etc), and getting very little accomodation for my Aspie stuff in return. F*CK F*CK F*CK F*CK

Why, oh why, do we pay taxes? Hhmm? Is it so that we can write laws to protect stupid people from themselves?
Then why don't we just tax the stupid people? Call it the Stupid Tax.

- Credit to Edina on Absolutely Fabulous, from whom I shamelessly stole the above, it being my favourite rant.