Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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Albany County as in the one in CA?

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Dear Hormones,

I appreciate all of the years you been by my side, helping me get tall enough to reach stuff and all. But I'm starting to think we need to have a little talk.

Since I was about 8 or 9, I noticed my, *ahem* chest, was getting bigger and more sensitive. Stop hiding behind that couch, I know that it's all your fault. I'm not pleased with this change at all, but I dismissed it as a practical joke and figured it will go away a few years from now.

A year or two later, I was starting to get funky thoughts and dreams that I wished never got there in the first place. I had to spend my days resiting urges. What do you have to say for yourself? It's times like this I'd rather be six years old! I irritably tried to ignore
this little change and continued on with my life.

But now, you just broke the last straw. It's no wonder you get pissed off when you have PMS. I applaud your sense of humor, but gory potty jokes just don't cut it for me. Seriously, having blood coming out of your *** every month is a bit too much, don't you think.

So, all I want you to do is go back to being just like we were back when. Buds, you know? Get rid of the blood, take away the perverted thoughts and dreams, and remove the boobs. After that, swear you'll never do that and similar tricks again on me. Once you do that, I'll forgive you

~PMS-induced Teen

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Dear PMS-induced Teen,

No.

~Hormones

Dear Guidance Counsler,

I'm not sure if I should thank you or shoot you for being so ignorant. When you talked to me about scheduling I had cuts all under my shirt. One of them ended up scarring. I felt pretty superior then, actually, even if it doesn't make sense. In any case, you not noticing provided me with the opportunity to cut even more with no consequences. I think the newest cut will scar too. I got a bit carried away.

Your depression talk to the health class was utter bullsh*t, by the way. Did you miss the kids laughing in the back? Did you not realize that your stupid video was so sterotypical and mellowdramatic that I wanted to spit? Furthermore, what the hell was up with those stupid "I need to talk to the guidance counsler about depression concerning someone or myself. ____Yes _______No. _____Name" sheets? Who would check the yes box, especially when every single student was looking at them as we passed them up? By the way, that was the weekend I was planning to ask my mom for help, but because you bothered to email all the parents about the talk she would automatically have assumed that I was just mimicking what I had heard in school and wouldn't take me seriously. Thanks. Oh, and that lady whose sister committed suicide? I'm sorry for her problem and all, but she was pathetic. It's been four years, and the crying bit was awkward. None of us really cared. In fact, people were making fun of her. So thanks for bringing her in, because she helped. The show and tell with the pictures was nice as well. No. One. Cared. You were wasting our time, and you probably knew it. You had that look.

Oh, and for the record: just because I'm depressed doesn't mean that I do what your stupid video did. I don't sit in a window and randomly sigh while clutching a picture of my non-existant boyfriend. I don't let myself be beaten up. I don't randomly threaten to shoot up the school and then stare creepily from the staircase. I don't invite my non-existant-nearby friends over so that I can be sitting dramatically in my room with the lights off for when they arrive. I don't sign up for sports so that I can pull out of them. What were you thinking?

And aren't you supposed to notice this?

Sincerely,
Heather

P.S. Just because I'm aceing all my classes doesn't mean that I'm ok. Open your eyes for once.

Dear SpaceCase,

Thank you for making this thread. I feel a little bit better.

Sincerely,
Heather

Dear State of Ohio,

Your driving classes are a joke. I am fully aware that a red, eight-sided sign with the white letters "STOP" across it means that I need to stop. I also know that racing down ice will not end well. What's your point and why did I need to $350 to learn stuff I all ready knew?

Also, you need to check who works for you. The woman who teaches my class tells us all these stories about her daughers, who apparantly crash quite frequently. If she can't teach her own kids how to drive, what makes her qualified to teach us?

Sincerely,
Heather


Dear Ms. Driving Teacher Lady,

Your classes are really boring. It's a 4 hour waste of my life. I could be getting homework or job work done. I spent all of last class trying to plan out an English project. From last weekend on, I plan on wearing every t-shirt I own that has some sort of insulting saying written on it. It's directed to you, just in case you didn't notice. It does fit the other students though. Oh, and I don't usually wear that much eyeliner, but I realized that you leave me alone if you think I'm gothic, so I dress and act the part. It's working.

Also, here's a tip: "Don't kill no one," "I seen people," and "them salt trucks" is not proper grammar. I do not care where you are from - I know it's not the South, by the way - you should be able to speak proper English if you're teaching me. I'm a perfectionist, and your poor speaking skills distract from the all ready missable lesson.

I'm no fashion expert, but please pick whether you want to tuck or untuck your shirt. The half-in half-out look does not work. If I may suggest, wear it out. Or pull your pants higher. I don't really care.

Finally, stop leaving the room every time you put on a movie. The moment you shut the door, everyone pulls out their cellphones and starts text-messaging. They talk as they do that. Did you know that the girls who sit behind me have sex with everything that moves and posseses a set of male organs? They yip about that very loudly. I can't hear the movie over them, and since you turn off the lights, I can't read or draw. They're really annoying. Please either stay in the room or leave the lights on.

Oh, and before I forget: I hate where I live too, so get over it. I certainly didn't ask to live in the rich town and quite frankly, I hate it. My peers sterotypical reaction to it was enough, thank you. Until you learn more about me, stop assuming that I'm a spoiled brat who lives in a ten floor mansion and gets away with everything. I don't. I also don't appreciate being portrayed as evil by someone who doesn't even know me.

Sincerely,
Heather

P.S. Stop telling stories. They're really boring, you repeat everything, and no one listens. Not everyone is going to get into crashes like your daughters beloved, so stop acting like it.

P.P.S. Quit reading the moral thoughts and trying to give us a guilt trip. You suck at it. And no, I don't feel like imagining what those boys who were hill jumping and injured some lady feel like. And I don't care what that boy who hit and killed his uncle's girlfriend feels like all alone at night. I guess I'm just cold like that.

P.P.P.S. I have no respect for you. I know that you don't care, but I do. I spend all week dreading Sundays now.

Dear Person who I thought was a friend,

If you want to ruin your life and hang out with druggies like them, then fine. But don't sit with themand whisper and glance my way then pretend everythings the same when you talk to me!

Dear friend,
I'm sorry I became suicidal last night; I couldn't help it. I promise to always be nice, even though you hate me right now. And you know who you are.
-Sophie

Dear Nasty Zelda fans,

Just because I don't want a Wii, doesn't mean I don't like Zelda games. I can't get a Wii, and TP doesn't interest me. I like childish Zelda games, so get over it.

From, IronStalfos, GoldRequiem and any other name I used on a Zelda forum.

Dear spammer from my site:

YOU HAVE NO CHANCE,I'LL MAKE YOU PHAIL YOU DAMNED CONFORMIST!! !! !

-Aaron

Dear internet,

WTF? Thanks a lot!! !! !

Dear person I shall not name,

I will not become a failure at life, you will.

From, Ashleigh.

Dear Boss,

I am absolutely sick of the fact that you micro-manage me daily. I'm sick of the interference and the way you screw up all my carefully constructed relationships with people in other departments, by trying to throw your weight around too much. Don't you flaming well understand how much effort it takes me to build working relationships with people - and then it can be all ruined by one stupid e-mail or badly chosen word.

Worst of all is the way you take all the credit for my achievements. That absolutely sickens me. Do you really think that because you shouted at someone that they did the job quicker? No, it just meant that I had to spend extra time calming them down and still keeping them on-side. But will I ever get any credit for this - no! Because you think that by getting people dumped on by their bosses that they work better

With love & kisses xxxx

Dear Meant-To-Be Love:

Please come to me...


-SpaceCase

Dear Person That I Shouldn't Really Name,

You are being a brat. Stop trying to act like you know everything when in reality you can't even form a sentence properly. Furthermore, I am telling the truth, so screw you if you don't believe me. I'm seriously angry right now, because now every time I go to that particular thread I expect the worst. I liked that thread too.

Sincerely,
Heather

P.S. You started it, so don't give me that crap about insulting you. I can see how you could misunderstand my post, and I explained. It's your fault that you refuse to believe me. Trust me, if I wanted to lie, I would make up a far more convincing story.

Dear summer (season)
I.AM.SO.SICK.OF.YOU!! ! You have been going on here since mid October and your'e STILL going on! There's a drought going on right now and your'e not helping a bit! Also I'm sick of stinking up my favourite tops every time I step outside! I say let's move onto autumn! Come on, we need the rain more than anything now!
Yours truly,
Mel.

Dear Mum,

This is a positive letter. Thankyou for shagging in the 70s instead of the 60s. Twenty would have been too young of an age to have had me as a child. I also would have been scared of the tall stoned up hippies who walked the streets of your part of Canada. I also find that as this wonderful year of 2007 progresses, that it's actually the late 1970s that I like, as opposed to the mid 1960s. Thankyou for letting me be born in a decade that suits my true personality.

Your First-born,

Shelby

Dear heart,

Don't fail me now. I've only just started to enjoy the pain.