Do I need to work on my humor?

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Giftorcurse
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30 Jan 2013, 10:27 am

I'm sure you people know by now that my sense of humor is, shall we say, black as oblivion. In my seemingly perpetual cynicism and misanthropy, I take taboo subject matter and make light of it in the sickest ways imaginable. My uncle thinks that its unfunny at best, and degrading at worst. I'm not so sure. Here's a few examples of my comedy.

-Suppose I get a job at Wal-Mart as a greeter. First thing out of my mouth when I see a customer? "Welcome to Hell, a**hole. Have a nice day."
-A legless Vietnam veteran without a right hand sits in his wheelchair in a baseball stadium. As everyone stands for the National Anthem, the guy next to him shouts "TERRORIST!"
-A social worker completes a home study for a prospective adoptive couple. The mother-to-be asks: "If this doesn't work out, can we get a refund?"
-A disgruntled Air Force One pilot crashes the jet into the Capitol Building during a session, wiping out Congress and much of the executive branch.
-A coroner makes funny poses with corpses and posts them on his Facebook profile. They become Internet memes.
-A suicidal woman calls a local hotline. The responder asks: "You available Friday night? My b***h of a wife and her stupid kids are away."
-A wealthy Wall Street type urinates on a sleeping homeless person in the subway. He lights a match, setting the bum on fire. He draws a chair, gets a stick and makes a hot dog. He takes out a huge portable phone and asks his friends to come down.
-A little girl fakes having a debilitating form of cancer to get into St. Jude's Hospital. The hospital staff are aware of her duplicity, but they let her stay nonetheless for publicity reasons.
-A Values.com ad features a profane man beating his son into a bloody, unrecognizable pulp with a sledgehammer. "Tough love... pass it on!"
-Oreck creating a vacuum for DIY abortions. WARNING: Product may cause death.

So, what do you think?


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FalsettoTesla
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30 Jan 2013, 10:40 am

I don't really enjoy jokes that are made at the expense of people who're already laughed at, disadvantaged and discriminated against, (so, any jokes at the expensive of victims of sexual assault, homeless people, poor people, disabled people, people of colour, etc).

So, I wouldn't enjoy your type of humour. But that's just me, some people love those jokes.

Also, I don't really think a lot of those jokes made much sense. o.O



sapphireblue
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30 Jan 2013, 10:53 am

personally I agree with your uncle. However it's who you are. People do have different sense of humor. What you need to work on is judging appropriate times to use it and if your audience is of the same mind. Some things I say to some people that I wouldn't dare say to others. Part of showing respect and courtesy to others.



psychegots
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30 Jan 2013, 12:21 pm

I got it wrong :lol:



Last edited by psychegots on 30 Jan 2013, 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Giftorcurse
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30 Jan 2013, 12:54 pm

Speaking of suicide...

Two young men in business suits come across each other in a NYC subway station. Both are waiting for the same train, and are best friends. Just as the train pulls in from the tunnel, one of the young men cheerfully says "it was a pleasure to work with you," and jumps on the tracks. Blood splatters all over the place, some of it landing on the other young suit's clothes and face. The train comes to a stop, and people depart from the train like it was nothing.

The young suit slowly enters the train, speechless and with tears in his eyes. A transit officer sitting down asks: "The f**k's your problem?" The young suit doesn't respond. He's obviously shocked. Then, the transit officer gets up and punches the suit in the face. The officer gets on his mic, and says: "We got a crybaby, boys. Meet you in the second carriage." Looking down on the suit, he says "We're gonna have fun with you, mothafucka."


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redrobin62
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30 Jan 2013, 1:21 pm

And now, a response from your friendly neighbourhood oddball. To wit:

-Suppose I get a job at Wal-Mart as a greeter. First thing out of my mouth when I see a customer? "Welcome to Hell, as*hole. Have a nice day."
Not only will it be the first thing out of your mouth, it'd be the only thing as security scrambles to push you out of the store.

-A legless Vietnam veteran without a right hand sits in his wheelchair in a baseball stadium. As everyone stands for the National Anthem, the guy next to him shouts "TERRORIST!"
Must be hard being a limbless terrorist. How can he carry a bomb? Oh, wait...did he have his limbs blown off? I guess the explosives weren't strong enough and not terrorist-level strength.

-A social worker completes a home study for a prospective adoptive couple. The mother-to-be asks: "If this doesn't work out, can we get a refund?"
The social worker replies, "Refund? You weren't paying for the child in the first place. This is not a black market baby."

-A disgruntled Air Force One pilot crashes the jet into the Capitol Building during a session, wiping out Congress and much of the executive branch.
At first, they blame Middle Eastern terrorists then, later, rule out the North Koreans. As the country descends into anarchy, the European Union helps out on behalf of those seeking justice.

-A coroner makes funny poses with corpses and posts them on his Facebook profile. They become Internet memes.
Shortly thereafter, as the lawsuits start piling up, the coroner waves the world goodbye as he steps off the Golden Gate bridge.

-A suicidal woman calls a local hotline. The responder asks: "You available Friday night? My b***h of a wife and her stupid kids are away."
The suicidal woman answers, "I'm not sure I'll still be alive by Friday. I'll check back with you then."

-A wealthy Wall Street type urinates on a sleeping homeless person in the subway. He lights a match, setting the bum on fire. He draws a chair, gets a stick and makes a hot dog. He takes out a huge portable phone and asks his friends to come down.
His friends are surprised to learn that, not only does the rich man have flammable piss but he still uses an 80's type cellular phone that's the size of a violin case.

-A little girl fakes having a debilitating form of cancer to get into St. Jude's Hospital. The hospital staff are aware of her duplicity, but they let her stay nonetheless for publicity reasons.
In an interview with the press, she explains how quickly radiation knocked her hair out and is then surprised when she suddenly starts coughing up blood.

-A Values.com ad features a profane man beating his son into a bloody, unrecognizable pulp with a sledgehammer. "Tough love... pass it on!"
It took a year of intensive therapy but the son did heal. He decided not to "pass it on" as his father suggested and, instead, live a peaceful life with the Amish in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.

-Oreck creating a vacuum for DIY abortions. WARNING: Product may cause death.
Those seeking abortions remain confused as they don't know who the warning applies to - them or their fetuses.



Giftorcurse
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30 Jan 2013, 1:30 pm

^Finally, someone who gets it!


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